too small to satisfy anyone – Page 4 – Contemplating the divine

Kindness costs nothing

… but structured, skillfully-applied cruelty can be quite expensive. Worth every penny, though.

Unlike many modern feminists, Clara actually quite enjoys explaining things to sexists.

…and if you’re not OK with it, she can work that into the scene too.

Reminds me of the time I had to unpack all of my luggage in front of two lady customs officers, once. Goodness, their contemptuous laughter still rings in my ears. It’s not that I had anything embarassing in the luggage, you understand. I just have this effect on women.

Thank goodness it’s nothing personal.

Oh, not again… you know, I think her watch might be a bit fast, actually.

Carry on screaming

Not necessarily a British cultural reference, merely a description of what I do while my SO takes a couple of minutes’ break to make herself a cup of tea.

Still, for those of you in the know, it was one of the better ones. “We’re the police – or layabouts”. And of course Fenella Fielding. I certainly don’t mind if she smokes.

And speaking of being British… I mean, this isn’t a political blog, you come here to get away from all that stuff, but…. but… but… what the fuck? Really! Huh? I mean, what the fucking fuck? Look at this mess! How can anybody seriously think men should have the vote?

Rant over. Let’s have something decent, sensible and sadistic…

Actually, I find binocular vision quite useful for ironing pleated skirts, but that’s not a huge part of my life – three, four hours a week tops – so I suppose she might as well go ahead.

What a scare! Thank goodness you were there to call the ambulance, as soon as she collapsed. You did have to move out of the corner without permission, though, so obviously that’ll have to be dealt with, when she’s back on her feet. Still: she’s getting the best possible care, and you’re scrubbing out toilets, so everything’s OK.

I used to have a problem with premature ejaculation, but it’s under control now. Matter of fact, last month I was even a few days late – she was on a business trip.

Don’t worry – they have separate fire drills when they practise evacuating the slaves. Particularly between November and February.

Actually, I once went out with someone whose Mum had worked as a cleaner all her life. When I finally plucked up the courage to tell her that I get my rocks off mincing around in a little maid dress pretending to be forced into humiliating cleaning tasks, she was a little offended at first. But we talked it through – and when I said she could tie me to a bench and beat me, she decided she was OK to give it a go after all. And do you know, she had a really good time? And there I thought she was pure vanilla! I’ve never had a session partner be so… enthusiastic. Even made me sign a little piece of paper promising not to have her arrested for assault, before letting me up and walking out of my life forever.

Being the best she can make me

You know, there are whole ‘pick-up artist’ sites that are all about how to get women to take their panties off, but none of them have hit upon this very simple technique. It’s just about understanding her needs, really.

I would. I wonder what it would have felt like.

Going to be a long, hot summer.

More women suffer from having excessively deep vaginas than many men realise – almost everyone I’ve been on a date with has had that problem, remarkably.

It’s a form of ‘one woman one vote’ system.

Further details available here.

Libidon’t

Actually, I often find myself lying awake at night thinking about some tiny little thing or other.

Sounds ideal. If you’re wondering how occasional the kinky sex is planned to be, the answer is that it depends very much on the other stuff.

How does she know I’m creepy? I haven’t even said anything creepy yet.

My SO’s boyfriend is quite broadminded and doesn’t object to her having a submissive as such – apparently it’s just me he can’t stand.

Yes. Much better not to know.

…and as a special extra treat, and at the possible cost of infecting my computer with every virus from here to Sunday, as I looked for video-editing software, here is an animated GIF…

Woooo!

Well, I’m impressed. I mean by the way I was able to add the captions. I don’t mean by her. She is – obviously – truly… deeply impressive.

She’s my lady…

…I’m her boy.

No, just need a lamp-post to raise my leg against some time soon, that’s all. No rush.

A range of sizes – but all boyfriend-sized, not you-sized, yeah? Mike’s friends will be real guys.

Actually, it’s extremely good practice because they don’t usually bother to fill the pool with water.

How very kind of her.

She should make sure she gets his consent first, though. Or during – whatever’s easiest.

Controllable lust

I’ll just slip into something less comfortable before we start…

Alan’s still a little nervous about the situation, OK? So nothing too freaky when he comes round.

Still, she looks good in it. A bit of a waste if she doesn’t wear it often… it was quite expensive, after all. Still, I’m sure you don’t want her wearing something uncomfortable just for you, do you?

If it’s any consolation, the amount of her time you’ll be getting for free would run into tens of thousands of pounds, if she were charging in a consensual session.

That’s almost as good. And a lot cleaner.

Service orientation

My SO’s always had the same rule. Sulky face = semen face. Simple, no argument.

Or breakfast, if you’re not hungry enough by tonight.

I’d end up paying a lot of guys for a lot of things, if that rule applied to me. It’s important to prioritise: to spend your money on the things that make her most happy.

Many people who get into porn movies just do it for a short time, but snuff movie stars, oddly enough, often spend the rest of their lives in the business.

My first girlfriend told me she was strongly opposed to corporal punishment of children. When I turned eighteen, I discovered she had strong views on the corporal punishment of adults, too.

Lachrymatrices

The annoying thing is, I only bought the car last week. But I guess I can do without it. It’s essential to prioritise, when making important financial decisions.

She doesn’t mean the bondage. He likes the bondage. It’s the things she can do to him because he is in bondage that he won’t like.

There used to be a brand of condoms that fitted me just perfectly, but the manufacturer decided to stop producing that particular size. Not enough demand for it, apparently. Over 20% of men are that size or less, but they make up only 0.3% of all sexual encounters, so… I can’t really blame them.

And she’ll decide whether you really really need it, or not.

My wife’s very sexually demanding too, but I don’t have too much difficulty keeping her satisfied: the local male escort agencies all give us loyalty discounts now and if I book in advance as well, I can get up to a 25% off the list price. Which is – just about – affordable on my salary, if I’m careful to economise on everything else.

Hurtful thoughts

I think writing lines is a ridiculous and pointless, tedious activity and there are few things I hate doing more than writing lines for hours at her command. I told her that just the other day. 500 times, in fact.

I did an interview once. Check it out if you want to find out about the real Servitor, behind the leather mask. Don’t read it if the thought of knowing the real Servitor makes you nauseous.

Ooh – looks like there might be a consciousness-raising session coming on!

There wasn’t much to begin with.

I often have ‘plenty to complain about’. Regretably, I’m not allowed so it all goes to waste.

Deeply indebted to her

…but she sometimes lets me off the monthly interest if I consent to one of the ‘special’ games she likes to play. It’s quite an incentive to keep the payments up, actually.

Don’t worry about a thing. I’ve heard you can see the sea from the bar they’re planning to spend the afternoon in, so I’m sure they’ll notice if the tide comes a bit further up than they were expecting.

Hmmm… it’s almost like they’re in a – what’s the word? Predicament.

What can it mean? I don’t know… I just work here.

Consent is very important in BDSM. My SO absolutely insists on it.

Ah well. Nearly got a freebie there. You know… I was playing SPH humiliation scenes years before I knew that was a thing. I just called it ‘dating’.