Frustrating femmes

Increasingly, I find ‘the prospect of an orgasm’ is all there is, along with the memories of them too, of course.  But my SO has other means of motivation, so that’s OK.
You might want to try to get used to it, just in case the witch doesn’t co-operate.  Good thing you’ve got someone to look after you, anyway.
She’s a very sympathetic person – just ask the boys – but even her sympathy has its limits.
On that principle, I ought to be a very good person by now, but oddly my SO doesn’t agree.
It’s funny how vanilla sex workers can be crueller than the dommes.  Without even knowing it, sometimes.

Some tales

 … as old as time for this bright new year!

Fairy tales, that is.  Not all themed around Beauty and the Beast.  Well… except insofar as everything that has ever appeared on this blog does have that theme, if you think about it.

And of course she’s keeping the whip and the
cattle prod.  But she’d have those anyway – her mother would have
presented her with them as a wedding gift, had circumstances not caused
her to need them sooner.
Many girls dream of meeting a handsome Prince, when they grow up.  Only a small fraction of those girls also dream of watching him being eviscerated by a seagull and then going off to make passionate love to their girlfriend… but enough do to make the world a more interesting place.

Well, let’s hope she turns him back soon.  It won’t be much fun for her having to look after a guy who’s basically not much more than an erect penis with a handle.

He’s going to need her to try the black leather corset, too.

Don’t try warning her how fattening you are.  Women find that offensive and patronising.


The annoying thing is, I only bought the car last week. But I guess I can do without it.  It’s essential to prioritise, when making important financial decisions.
She doesn’t mean the bondage. He likes the bondage.  It’s the things she can do to him because he is in bondage that he won’t like.

There used to be a brand of condoms that fitted me just perfectly, but the manufacturer decided to stop producing that particular size.  Not enough demand for it, apparently.  Over 20% of men are that size or less, but they make up only 0.3% of all sexual encounters, so… I can’t really blame them.

And she’ll decide whether you really really need it, or not.
My wife’s very sexually demanding too, but I don’t have too much difficulty keeping her satisfied: the local male escort agencies all give us loyalty discounts now and if I book in advance as well, I can get up to a 25% off the list price. Which is – just about – affordable on my salary, if I’m careful to economise on everything else.

Effortless superiority

Oh well. Being beaten by Simon’s no fun, but there’ll be other guests who want a go too, so…
It’s good when fetishes are complementary* like that.  A friend of mine went on a date with a girl he really fancied, who turned out to have a castration fetish – and that just wasn’t his thing at all. So he hasn’t dated her since.  Or anyone, come to think of it.   Sad, really.
Of course, it’s not just about penis length.  Girth matters too.
Crush fetish again!
Oh.  OK.  (Damn!)

* Now come on, EditorDomme!  Is there another fetish blog anywhere on the Internet that knows the difference between complementary and complimentary?  As you know I take (and ocasionally receive) a lot of pains over my grammar.  I could of just written any old rubbish, but I choose my words with care.

Note: due to technical incompetence out of my control, I don’t have a good record of which captions I posted between July and October this year (and I am not looking through all the blog posts to check…).  So any males reading this who see a caption they’ve seen here before can do some work, for once in their lazy, feckless lives, and let me know in the comments.


Ah… reminds me of my collaring ceremony.  It happened right here, actually, not three feet away from where I am crouching right now.
I’m very aware of sexism in the workplace, being one of the more inferior members of the inferior gender.
I don’t understand men who send women pictures of their penises.  I mean, it’s just asking for trouble.  Like waving a raw steak in front of a hungry leopard.
On the plus side, his steel tube is a lot bigger than mine or yours.
You say “Yes, please”.

Simple instructions

Of course, if you’re fetish happens to be ‘working all the hours there are in a mindnumbingly dull office job to earn money for her to spend on male prostitutes’ then you’ve really hit the jackpot here.
There are painful side effects if you take less than the recommended dose, by the way.

There were actually supposed to be a lot more men there, but Clara messed up the email invitation. If you think you’re uncomfortable, just imagine how she‘s feeling right now!
Oh. OK, then.
Hmm. I wonder what she’s planning to keep in there, then, if not you?

Oh, I hope there’ll be jellyfish

The servitor who uploads material to this blog will be on an undeserved holiday for the next few weeks.  Normally awful service will be maintained, through the magic of ‘scheduling’ and comments – especially abusive ones – remain as welcome as ever, but will not be responded to (so the grovelling apologies must wait).

The jellyfish thing? Oh yeah. This.

You know, I heard once that feeling sad and lonely is just your body’s way of telling you what an unpleasant person you are to be with?  Makes a lot of sense.

I’m slowly working my way into her affections, I reckon.

Mmmpphhh grtrrth.

Of course, they’ll need to use something else to achieve the burning sensation.  Hot coals, maybe? They’re very creative.


Hope there’s some beer for me.

Like lovers do


Sex..?. Don’t talk to me about sex.  I tried it once – not tryin’ that again.  Nearly got me ‘ead stuck! 
Joke copyright Alexei Sayle.


It’s wilful impertinence on your part.  So’s being too early, obviously.
Scurry scurry scurry…



Don’t worry.  She’s quite sweet, really.  When she’s not in a bad mood.



In space, no one can hear you sigh with hopeless romantic infatuation…


It’s a strangely self-defeating exercise, because we love it.

Sympathy porn
That’s kind of her.  Not exactly a sympathy fuck… more of a pitiful wank.  But the principle’s the same.

Castration lit again
Kinda scary.  Yeah.


I hold that truth to be self-evident.

Accidental scene
OK, now that would be humiliating.  And not in a good way.  Well…maybe a little bit good…mmmm.
Creepy Servitor
It’s uncanny.  It’s almost as if she knows me.  Do you think I should go and hang around her house in Beverly Hills… see if fate somehow brings us together?
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