hairbrush – Contemplating the divine

The sublime and the ridiculous

She’s been working a lot on her backhand lately, so that’s probably what you’ll get.

Confession leads to penance which leads to repentance, although to be honest, I think he’s repenting quite a lot already.

You could try stamping your foot and having a tantrum? Doesn’t usually work for me but there’s always a first time.

The Hunteress, of course, although she was Cassie back then.

And as usual you only had just enough left on your credit card. You should plan these things better.

Kitten hates it when people – men, specifically – make a fuss about being broke. Having money just shouldn’t be that important to them, they should focus on the more important things in life, that’s her attitude.

Some women bear children in strength

‘Tis Mothers’ Day!* So we celebrate all mothers, mother-in-laws, stepmothers and other females prepared to take young lads, or older ones for that matter, firmly in hand.

*Yes ’tis, ’tisn’t in May. Not in Britain, we prefer our Mothering Sundays cold and miserable, to match our outlook on life.

Actually, Mum prefers old-fashioned methods to using electric shock collars, but she’s got enough respect for her daughter to take the remote in the spirit it’s offered.

There could be many, many things. He should try gasping a few of them out.

I’m sure she’ll be understanding about your being so late. She understands men very well, very well indeed.

I wonder what present she’s got? Something to get the marriage off to the best possible start, I imagine.

It’s sadly rare in modern societies for a mother-in-law to take some of the responsibility for a husband’s upbringing, but it can be so important.

The power of persuasion

A few adverts I have come across*, while tidying my SO’s magazines.

* [Memo to self: put footnote down here with some witty innuendo about ‘come across’]

Oh – a CtD post on a Thursday! Hmm, you say. Must be an extra, because Servitor is celebrating the blog’s fifteenth anniversary. And certainly not because silly Servitor messed up the dates in scheduling the posts and thought 29 January was a Friday and noticed too late to delete it, as Sam had already commented. No no no no no… So, yeah, an extra post, because Friday’s post ~~hurriedly recscheduled from later in February~~ will obviously come out as normal tomorrow.

They say the secret of a successful relationship is mutual respect. Which just goes to show how little ‘they’ know. She says the secret of a successful relationship is tyranny and fear and I really can’t disagree with her on that.

Findommes… the unsung heroines of the consumer economy.

It’s funny, back when I was dating, two of the girls I – OK, OK *both* of the girls I slept with – rated my perfomance as the ‘worst fuck in human history’. Which doesn’t strike me as being right, as one of those fucks must have been worse than the other. Of course, I’m using ‘sleep’ as a euphemism – I never actually ‘slept’ with them, if you know what I mean: they threw me out. But not before I’d had my eighteen seconds of passion!

He didn’t wonder why she was constructing a prison cell in the cellar? Ah, love makes one blind. So does masturbation, ‘they’ say, although my SO says red-hot needles are actually more effective.

I wonder… have any subs who’ve been in this situation ever been tempted to stop brushing for just a moment, turn the hairbrush round and administer a sharp, stinging… I mean, I’m not saying I have, of course! Just to be clear, ahem. But it’s like – or I *imagine* it *would* be like – that feeling you get standing on the edge of a cliff, you know? That you could just… jump. Only a lot more dangerous than that, obviously.

Ah, Gigi Allens. A lady with plenty of inches and strong hips to back them up.

Yes, what a touching story. I like to imagine that every time she sees them sparkle, she’s reminded of how she has lots of other lovely necklaces too. Long-time readers will of course be well aware that my visions of the future show that in her political career, President Annie will re-orient male vocational training towards traditional, manly, backbreaking labour or domestic tasks, so really the college fund was no loss.

Taskmistresses

Money discussions can often be the most difficult and painful things a relationship has to cope with to a relationship. I’m grateful to my SO, because she has found a way to ensure we never have to discuss money at all.

I used to have delusions of adequacy, but these days I know my limits.

He might prefer being screamed at in Czech, but I’m afraid Mistress Morrigan Hel and Goddess Sophia speak his language – and would like to hear his appreciation in it. Doesn’t their hair look lovely in the sun? And don’t their boots? And their attitudes?

She enjoys the slapping of course, but waking up next to a loved one with painful bruises on his face and welts all over his body is the true value of the relationship, for her.

These are my principles. If you don’t like them (and you are female) I have others.

Books do furnish a dungeon

Due to the unparalleled reach of this blog (other blogs may – indeed do – reach more people and indeed many of the same people, but none will be exactly parallel), book publishers tend to send me ‘flyers’ for their latest publications. I thought I might as well chuck them onto the blog, as you lot will wank to anything with pretty girls saying vaguely pervy things, and it’s a lot easier than doing anything creative.

Available in all good bookshops, but you might have to go along way to find a bookshop good enough, these days.

The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men – from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms.

Yes, it’s the day* to celebrate mothers. Loving, nurturing and kind to their offspring, brutally savage and eternally contemptuous of their sons-in-law. The latter relationship is more this blog’s focus, for obvious reasons.

Many subs who get off on the idea of punishment, not to mention being humiliated and treated with contempt, don’t realise how much more effectively those can be provided by a woman of more advanced years, who has had longer to hone her opinions and approach towards the male sex.

She has an excellent reason: she dislikes you intensely.

Oh don’t read things into the captions that aren’t there! Of course she didn’t murder him! He died of nervous exhaustion, poor chap.

Obviously you shouldn’t have to pay full session rates, just for cleaning out her Mum’s garage. Ask for a 40% discount, at least – and don’t settle for less than 5%.

It’s good that mothers and daughters phone each other so frequently.

Don’t worry, she’s not going to be a burden. In fact, she can help a lot with the housework: checking all the tasks have been done satisfactorily, drawing up schedules and providing advice and encouragement wherever needed.

* Some of you might be wondering why we’re doing this today, when everyone knows Mothers’ Day is in May? If so, it’s probably because you’re American and have forgotten there are what we call ‘other places’ in the world, and some of those don’t do things in the same way you do. Don’t worry, it’s an easy mistake to make, especially if you’re working with the disadvantage of only having a male brain. Try taking a trip somewhere ‘else’ to broaden your horizons – I hear the Gulf of Mexico is nice at this time of year.

Turn it into love

Or into something. Music is by the divine M i s t r e s s Kylie. Equally importantly, it has the word ‘turn’ in the title, which is the clue as to today’s theme.