female supremacist – Contemplating the divine

Hold me, squeeze me

Just a little extra, because it’s not really a proper post with captions or anything. But some people think this blog exaggerates the degree to which women in the so-called ‘real world’ enjoy inflicting pain and humiliation on males. But, as is so often the case, ‘some people’ are wrong. One thing I’ve noticed in recent years is that more and more women are making the internationally-recognised ball-crushing gesture, in which the hands come together and simultaneously squeeze and separate the testicles in the scrotum. A clearer display of fierce female empowerment, it would be hard to imagine, and it’s everywhere. Once you see it, you can’t stop seeing it or wincing.

A few examples.

Never forget you’re not going to have a choice…

…and of course…

UPDATE! A few entirely made-up people I’ve discussed this with have suggested that this self-evidently female supremacist gesture is actually a heart shape. A heart shape. Right. Here’s the goddess of the gesture herself… let’s watch the development, shall we?

[Sarcasm alert] Yeah, right… I think we can all agree that Ms Swift is making a lovey dovey little heart gesture, there, hmm? You just keep thinking that, boy. After all, women just like romance and flowers and kittens and stuff… I’m sure everything’s going to be just fine.

Men say, it’s criminal, what women’ll do

What they’re forgetting is, this is 1922!

Ah, would that it were! Or possibly 1932 or thereabouts…. Downton Domination, anyway.

PS: To the Repentant Sorceress, you should not longer be blocked (and puns are definitely OK, or this blog would disappear into a black hole of hypocrisy).

Every man with a vote was considered a foe to woman suffrage

So take away his vote and things should go just swimmingly. It’s a politics special.

And look, what can I say… I realise not every male pines for a future in which male ‘freedoms’ are abolished and men’s ‘rights’ and ‘dignity’ are crushed under a merciless steel-toed boot of righteous female fury. I get that, truly I do. Whippings, enforced chastity for those permitted to keep their genitals, electric shock collars… it’s not an easy life for males in the female supremacist utopia, I’ll admit. But can you look at how the world is run today – just look at a random headline, almost any day, quite frankly – and tell me, hand on your heart, that it wouldn’t be better like that? Hmm? Really?

The sound of one hand slapping

I was a bit nervous when my own dear SO first suggested we make our relationship public with a public slapping but in the event, no one seemed to be shocked and in fact quite a few other people in the pub had a go once she’d finished. It just goes to show that things sometimes aren’t as bad as you imagine.

The trouble with ‘being ignored while Mistress sleeps’ sessions is that they can get quite expensive at standard hourly rates if she sleeps through her alarm.

It should – and will – be grateful she pays it so much attention.

Apparently she does *have* a punch-bag, although I can’t see one in this picture… maybe it’s hanging behind the camera.

She believes that almost any problems can be solved, through the rigorous application of science.

So much easier in these days of streaming services… I remember having to buy face-slapping compilations on CD, and by chance there always seemed to be a giggling pair of young women on the cash desk – often with strong arms and hard palms – when I went to pay.

Great are the stars, and man is of no account to them

Another science fiction post! Yeah, it was going to be a historical images special but rocket go up! And Servitor likes that. So in honour of brave spacewoman Christina Koch and her three boys on Artemis II, we’ll do space again today. Plus, we’re still not doing World War M, because other kinds of rocket come back down again.

And in honour of everyone’s favourite component of the hive-mind, there are seven science fiction images, so that’s good, right? And as it’s Easter, we’ll have an extra extra one celebrating the day.

It’s a harsh, untamed planet but fortunately they’ve brought a lot of equipment along specifically designed for taming.

They considered sending King Charles up but it turned out that, by lucky chance, several minor princes and one princess in the Royal Family knew what the OWK was, so the misunderstanding was sorted out.

Recycling is important in space; anything not performing a useful function should always be repurposed or shredded down to its basic elements and added to ship’s stores.

I think if they’re dealing with male humans, relying on reduced brain function is a pretty safe bet. Anyway, Sarah seems nice.

Don’t worry about anything bad happening to those pets, by the way. The envoys arrived under diplomatic protection and interstallar law is clear their property cannot be harmed by the hosts – or if it is, it must be replaced with something of equal value.

In case you’re wondering why they can’t implant their larvae into human females, the little darlings are quite picky about what they like to eat when they hatch out, and there are certain yummy body parts that females just don’t have.

I feel a Spartacus moment coming on. Just give me some air, I’ll be fine.

Easter eggstra:

Serena and Alice have similar traditions but they prefer an old-fashioned crucifixion: the victim’s arms are properly outstretched and there’s no nonsense about using ropes or straps when there are perfectly good nails handy. Alice always loves it when the Easter decoration goes up on Good Friday, the dithering over which terrified male to choose; then the sounds of laughter, joyful hammering and less joyful screaming, then the screams take on a pitch of still greater urgency as the cross is hoisted up, before eventually subsiding to moans and sobs as the decoration hangs there all weekend, reminding her each time she glances up at it of the chocolate eggs to come on Sunday. Easter’s a very special time for them.

The strength of a woman can be boundless

It’s another science fiction special. Now you might object that we just had a science fiction special and for once you’d be right (well done you!) but I’ve just written a tonne* of sci-fi captions, a great many featuring Seven of Nine, so we’re going to be having a lot of them. And in honour of everyone’s favourite Borg, we’ll have seven captioned images each time. Got to get them out there somehow.

Also, I do have a World War M post ready but given there’s quite a lot of actual war around, I think perhaps we’ll keep that on hold for now.

*That’s slightly more than a ton.

You might expect her to add that this is going to hurt her more than it will hurt him, but her programming prevents her from lying.

Goodness, the Borg are so much more advanced than us even in *plumbing*. Resistance is indeed futile… where can I surrender, please, Ma’am?

If it would be completely unethical to enslave billions of people, then presumably it would only be a tiny fraction as unethical to enslave just one… or even a few.

Realism is overrated, which is why I write this blog.

I wonder whether the local culture has developed any techniques for dealing with this situation? Implements, even.

She’s appalled at the waste. It’s like throwing away perfectly good chocolate spread.

The 70s was a difficult time and many people say that its sci-fi reflected that, featuring a lot of dystopian, dark visions of the future but in these TV shows at least, I see nothing but optimism that things might turn out OK. Too optimistic, if anything: that’s Space 1999 down in the bottom right: if only 1999 *had* been like that. Everywhere, I mean, not just a few select locations in most major cities and a large estate on the outskirts of Černá, Czech Republic.

Just do as she says

hmm? So much easier.

Actually, guys with small penises have proportionately more everything. My little finger, for instance, is *huge* in comparison – a woman remarked upon it, once.

They’re reworking the pay structure too, to make it more discriminatory.

Zoe’s good at games, usually winning on the first move when she plays slaves at chess. She also enjoys playing ‘guess the voltage’.

I expect he’ll come up with some lavish belated gift or other… she can even make some suggestions while she has his full attention like this.

Of course it’s best to wear thick gloves when handling that X stuff as it can irritate the skin. But they’re professionals, they know how to handle things that can be irritating.

She likes to give her clients a ‘happy beginning’ occasionally.

Boxing stupid

Yes, it’s Boxing Day. A day I have come to realise is culturally specific to the UK and a few other places that are a bit like the UK, but not as damp and with fewer bat-tunnels. It’s one of those phrases that non-British people often fail to understand, like ‘having a fag in the back alley’ (you can also be a fag, for an older boy at boarding school, of course); or making sure ‘your child always has a rubber in his schoolbag’, as the teachers don’t provide them, or ‘letting some woman piss in your ring-gagged mouth’, which is just an idiomatic way of saying you’ll take her advice (“Oh, I don’t know which movie to go and see, darling: just ring-gag my jaw wide open and you can piss in my mouth, OK?”)*

Anyway, traditionally a day for tidying up after the excesses of the day before, although some people are more active: many hunts go out on Boxing Day, for example, with whips cracking and horns blaring as they pursure their terrified quarry across the fields, and some hardy souls even have a tradition of jumping naked into the sea, here in Britain on one of the coldest days of the year. My SO has very thoughtfully signed me up for all three of these festive activities, so I’ve no time for a themed post, just the usual dross.

Forget Kurt. Well… don’t forget him, obviously: he still needs his laundy done and his appartment cleaned. But the important thing is that your chastity regime should be right for *you* and that’s what she’s focused on.

Wow, tough situation! Thank goodness she’s there for him.

Looks like babe brought a pineapple, though, and I’m sure there are some bits of that that could be put to good use.

She was a little disappointed that Dr Taylor insisted on anesthetising you for the procedure, but there’ll be plenty of time later, when you’ll have the feeling restored in all of the bits of your body that remain attached.

I booked a ‘mean date’ session with a sex worker and she didn’t even show up! Wonderful. It’s so rare for someone just to ‘get me’ like that.

Some men find it hard to adapt to a female supremacist work environment, but it’s actually very straightforward as long as you just follow a few simple rules – or a lot of complicated rules, if that’s what she prefers.

* All right, I made that last one up. I make a lot of stuff up, here. But you should try it, I mean you never know, right? And there are never any good movies around, just after Christmas, so it’s good to find alternative ways of entertaining yourselves.

She’ll decide

Best to get these things right, you’ll find.

Modern best practice in dentistry holds that pain isn’t something to be avoided at all costs, rather something to be managed and they’re experts at that.

Make sure you get the special soap she bought for the purpose; it’s a lot more astringent than anything she’d ever wash with.

A meaningful job supporting others is its own reward.

The lovely Victoria from Cruella, of course, with the obligatory reminder that you can download magazines featuring her, other beautiful ladies and a lot of males with thinning lanky hair and dodgy 1980s moustaches – including this (magazine, not moustache), the cover photo of which is from a simply magnificent set.