Nonsensical sex

More of these.

Aren’t you just the perfect host? Sorry, I meant pervert. The pervert host.
I always get so excited on Pervemas morning, waiting to be unwrapped.
I don’t know what they pay those sweatboys for. Oh, don’t they? Oh, OK. Even so, there’s no excuse for not doing a professional job.
I don’t know what it is about the phrase “Purely routine anal probe” but I feel (deep inside me) it’s not used enough in our own world.
Although everyone says that no one carries coins these days, public shining posts like this one (like the many coin-operated public lavatories you can still find chained up with gaping mouths in Pervworld) often end the day with a rectum uncomfortably full of change.
It’s a lot greener than most other forms of transport, especially since a lot of their fodder is recycled.

I did warn you I might do this

 Sorry, but it’s the dominatrix song from The Pirates of Penzance.   Original here. What can I say? For some people it’s drugs, others it’s death-defying thrills… for me, writing femdom lyrics to Gilbert & Sullivan.  Just ignore me.

A lot of pirates featuring this week…

I have brightened the otherwise dire post up with images of the lovely Mistress Tiffany Naylor, whom I once had occasion to visit and found to be clever, funny and wise as well, obviously, as being as wonderfully sexy as she looks.


I am the very model of a modern-day dominatrix
I’ve slaves chained up in cages, on my racks and on a crucifix
I stroll around my dungeon in a corset quite fantastical
Or grimly flex my cane and tawse in sessions more scholastical.

I am very well acquainted, too, with strap-ons recreational
To use on squealing sissies in a manner penetrational
I know just how to walk with grace and style in patent high heeled shoes
Then elegantly lift one so he’ll lick the fluff and residues. 

I am very good with tawses, paddles, crops and swishy riding whips
I know just how to tap them on my palm, while subbie quickly strips
In short, in matters corporal, you’ll feel it when the rattan flicks
I am the very model of a
modern-day dominatrix.

I make my clients dress in frilly pants all quite effeminate
A dress as well, then laugh at the pathetic sight of them in it.
I often make them flounce around and sing and dance all merrily
And smack their naughty bottoms till they sting and glow quite cherrily.




I am skilled in complex rope-work and tie knots with great dexterity
In bondage sessions you can be assured there’s no escape from me
And if you’re feeling bolder and want bondage with no give in it
My pillory is rigid, and I’ll sentence you to live in it.

Your soft and fleshy nipples will be clamped with cruel malevolence
The gift of pain is all you can expect from my benevolence
For I can judge precisely all the agony my skill inflicts
I am the very model of a modern-day dominatrix! 

For humiliating verbals I’m the best you’ll ever grovel to
You horrid little maggot, you’re the shit I scrape right off my shoe
And if you want some SPH, I’ll giggle at the sight of it
And get a little ruler out to measure the wee height of it.

In fact, when I have learnt to master OnlyFans and Clips4Sale
When I have worked out Bitcoin, CCBill and payment by email
In short when I’ve a smattering of technical capacity

…’pacity’? Hmm… fassity, gassity, hassitty – aha! I have it… 

 You’ll say a better domme has never once before face-sat on me.

For my domineering talents, though they’re sneery and pervertual
Are mostly better suited to the real life than the virtual
But still, within my dungeon I can thrill you with a lot of tricks
I am the very model of a modern-day dominatrix!

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