Enigmatic

Yes, just imagine how awful that would be. But don’t imagine too hard, or the spikes might start digging in painfully. Oh – too late? Sorry.
It’s amazing how modern technology can take the drudgery out of life but to a sufficiently determined woman, there’s still plenty of drudgery to be found.
I expect it’ll turn up eventually… and while it’s missing, you might even find out you could have done without it all along. It’s often that way.
Oh dear. And her feet too! Sigh. Scurry.
Don’t be so selfish – or possessive. In fact, it’s probably a good idea to get out of that last habit, now you don’t have possessions.
Mmm….

Reigning in my heart

It’s best if she doesn’t do any rowing, as she wouldn’t want to work up a sweat and ruin the shoot… anyway, that’s what she brought you for. Don’t worry, she’ll probably do some paddling later, when the two of you are back at the hotel.
So much better to come to a negotiated settlement like this than have an unpleasant fight in court. More fun for her, too.
Not a good morning for her, not going to be a good evening for you. Consequences, remember?
She’s multi-tasking: doing stuff and ignoring you.
If you want to dispute the analogy, I’m sure she’d be only too happy to force your feet into a nice pair of 5-inch heels for the last two flights.
I think Ryan would definitely say it’s up to her.

Hypnotized by you if I should linger

I will listen hard to your tuition.

‘Hmmm’ as in ‘Mmmm…hmmm…’? Or as in ‘Hmmm!’ ?
I always switch my phone off before a session, And the location thing too. Once, visiting the delightful Mistress Servalan in Sydney, my own phone ran out of battery just before I was due to call her to tell her I was on the street outside and I had to call a dominatrix on my work phone. That was briefly stressful, but Mistress Servalan managed to bust my stress almost immediately.
C’mon, give her a break, for goodness’ sake.
C’mon: be a man. A very submissive, cringing kind of man, ideally.
She won’t use the shock collar on him either. Says it’s cruel.

The divine Miss Chambers, from Cruella. Oh that nose…

But don’t get too close. 1.5 to 2.5 metres, remember? And always behind her, which can be a problem if she turns around suddenly. A problem for you, I mean. She doesn’t mind.

Whips and whims

Don’t forget your morning prayers too.
If love is there, honouring and obeying should come naturally. And if they don’t, I’m sure she can find an alternative means to encourage them.
He has… but here’s only so much misbehaviour you can get up to, muzzled and on a leash.
Don’t worry: she won’t whip you any more than necessary.
My SO finds it very upsetting when our cat catches a mouse and plays with it so cruelly. As she says, there’s a 50% chance the poor little thing is female.
It’s a future-proofed profession, because although technology obviously could automate the basic function of shit-carrying, it could never provide the same satisfaction forcing a male to do that provides to the onlooker.

And thank her afterwards

Nothing wrong with a bit of good old-fashioned pain, without all that fetishy nonsense, as my SO likes to say.
My VR settings show all women as fully clothed – even naked ones. Apparently that’s better for me.
Many girls find the sight of a penis and balls revolting – risible, even. But clip on a couple of heavy duty electrodes and most will see the erotic potential.
Actually ejaculating will be another €400 on top of that, by the way, so make sure you’ve got enough. Money, I mean, not semen: you’ve got far too much of that and need to keep it to yourself.
It’s a job with a lot of prospects – most of them quite demeaning and unpleasant.

The lovely ‘Victoria’ from Cruella, of course, with whom (in magazine form) I spent rather more time than was good for me back around 1989 or so.

Something weird with her stuff? The very idea!

Power and glory

For ever and ever…

The star jumps are the worst part.
Oi – don’t you know it’s rude to listen in on other people’s phone calls? It’s the taste of her shoes you’re paying for, not her private life.
It would have been a messy divorce. This solution is much neater.
Cum is actually quite healthy – very low fat. Just ask anyone who’s had to try to survive on a diet of nothing else.
Oh well, it’ll make a refreshing change to stand in a different corner afterwards.
My own wedding night was exhausting, I have to confess. 60 guests can leave a lot of mess.

Captive audience

Or one that would like to be so.

It just goes to show what I always say: that few marital problems can be resolved satisfactorily by cowering away in terror in a cupboard hoping she doesn’t find you.
Don’t worry: nobody’s expecting you to do anything much. They’ll do all the work, just leave it to them.
Probably just a breath mint. My SO receives monthly deliveries of a particularly effective brand of breath mints, with some long and complicated scientific name, from Myanmar. I’ve been taking one a day since soon after we got married and it’s never done me any harm, unlike many other things in our marriage.

Of course, there’s no need to discuss her expectations about you. Those are minimal, at best.

This is the fabulously beautiful and no doubt all-round fabulously fabulous Lady Perse, well worth visiting if you are in Warsaw or even if you are not. Needless to say (but I am conscious most of my readers are male, so even the blindingly obvious may need pointing out), the caption I have put on her divine image in no way represents her actual session practices, which I am sure are safe, sane, consensual and fabulous.

‘Something’? What kind of something? Why are the ladies in these captions so maddeningly unclear?

Bending to her will

Let’s hope Julie’s not still upset about that bad performance review.  Sometimes feedback can be unpleasant and hard to take – but it just has to be accepted. I hope she understands that.
Remember you’re an individual: you’re not defined entirely by what’s written on your collar.
Ah, teenage masturbation!  Goodness, that seems so long ago now.  How lucky I am that my SO has put all that well and truly behind me.
The boots are a lot tastier than the airline food.
The female orgasm can be a mysterious – and very painful – thing.

Securely married

Impressive she became so good at it, if she was a late developer.



She’s just trying to build trust.



Some restaurants just do that automatically, but I always think that doesn’t show enough respect for the owners.  The lady might not want her gimp to stop being thirsty just yet. Admittedly, she can always just keep the mouth zipped, but it’s the principle of it.


It can be difficult.  I often feel a bit let down when I’ve paid for a humiliation session and the domme doesn’t tell me anything I haven’t been told by almost every woman I’ve ever met.  It’s not the dommes’ fault, poor things, I know they do their best.


 

 

She can be forgetful. Like that time she spent almost ten minutes trying to change the TV channel with his electric shock control. Good thing he was gagged or he’d have screamed the place down, because she was trying for Channel 84 – it has this rather good flower arranging competition; like Bake Off but for flowers.  Sounds a bit dull but she likes it.  She was ever so cross when she realised what a silly thing she’d done that caused her to miss the first ten minutes.

 

 

 

 

 

Lap dogs to a slip of a girl

It’s funny: in a few weeks he’ll probably be complaining it’s too hot, staked out there on a lovely summer day with the honey and sweat running off his skin and the ants tickling his face.





I tried a self-help book once.  Apparently my feelings of inadequacy aren’t real.  Oh right – so what have I been paying all that tribute for, over the years, then?  Silly book.

Good thing she decided not to wash her hair, as she hates saying no to people.



A survey of the male employees found 82% of them consider the new dress code unbearably humiliating.  Management are working hard to think of something they can do to respond: 18% of males not feeling constantly mortified is simply unacceptable in a truly inclusive workplace.



Just don’t leave your used jodhpurs lying around.

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