Category: smoking

Girl trouble

Actually, he’s the most important person there, they just don’t realise it. While they’re fucking like rabbits he’s getting on with the things that really matter in life, like cleaning house.
Try to choose a safeword that will be easy to understand when moaned through a wall.
It’s a lucky little bastard, isn’t it?
She’s a steely-eyed missile woman and he loves her for it.
You can get non-tobacco ones, like they use in the movies and theatre. They do burn skin, but I’ve heard it’s not quite the same.
It’s Nature’s way: the strong predate upon the weak, who are truly grateful.

Nothing will attract a man more than the picture of a beautiful, passionate, cruel, and despotic woman

Because she’s feeling calm, forgiving and affectionate, perhaps?
Hmmm…. that’s not a kind thing to say. Men can be quite sensitive about baldness. But then men can be quite sensitive about being burnt with cigarettes, too, and that doesn’t seem to have stopped them so…
At least she’s there. All the other slaves she booked for the night have been waiting outside clubs she decided not to go to.
She’s not a man-hater, exactly, she just thinks it’s unhygienic to keep them in the house.
He’s appealing his sentence of course, but it’s a bit tricky for him to get good legal advice, as hunters tend to follow his lawyer’s vehicle around, in the hope that he’ll break cover.
She decided to go full ‘method’ in the end, which probably explains why her final contract gives her 110% of the gross, while Mike and the male actors are all on negative percentages.

Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal

As you know, this blog features immature material on mature themes so I suppose I do both these things.

NB: anyone playing the game of ‘guess the original song/poetry* won’t succeed with this one, as it’s just a handy safety mnemonic. Y’know like: “Stub it out on arse or thighs, he’ll lose his sight if in his eyes.”

* But did you get all the rest?

While humble subbies washed her socks

It’s the eve of Christmas Eve and it’s all beginning to look a lot like Christmas. In my SO’s household, today’s wrapping day, so she’s busying herself with tape and sparkly ribbon, and soon I’ll be hog-tied under the tree, garlanded with holly and… well, just holly, really, lots of it, all ready to be mocked and abused by her and her guests on the big day. I just hope that if they play ‘pin the tail on the loser’ again, they do it before they’ve had quite so much to drink this year, as last time many of the pins ended up in completely the wrong place! It gave everyone a good laugh, though, and I suppose that’s the main thing. There’s a lot of laughter in the house on Christmas Day and occasionally some tears too… it’s a very special time.

How silly of her not to realise that the solution to her problems is right there in the room with her, even as she speaks. In the chest of drawers, there: third drawer down at the back. You could even plug it in for her, so it has plenty of battery.
He likes to give himself a bit of Christmas cheer by imagining that it’s a stable he’s shivering in and that tin bath in which he’ll be plunging a few days later is a manger. No gold, frankincense or myrrh but she did once put a goat in with him.
She’s generous with her gifts: it’s not just the quantity but she also has a knack for choosing something that is just what he least wanted.
Let’s hope she’;s not disappointed. She’s suffered a lot of disappointment in her marriage, poor thing.
That wooden doll on the table is actually a large nutcracker. One of my SO’s girlfriends got her one just like it, one year, and she spent most of the day playing with it obsessively. One of our more memorable Christmasses.
Try to look pleased, even though it’s what she gets you every Christmas or birthday. She’s not thoughtless or anything, mind you: she does think quite a lot about what present you might like. She just doesn’t care.

I’ll take this opportunity to wish all my male readers a miserable, frustrating and humiliating Christmas. I hope you all get what you deserve.

Don’t make her ask you twice

It wasn’t really a request in the first place.

The world looks different, seen through tears. Often a lot clearer, oddly enough.
Of course, later, historians would debate whether ‘the lab leak hypothesis’ was actually a correct description of the cause, many (such as Sonia Lucysdaughter in her book They Had it Coming Anyway) preferring the ‘Some male moron probably fucked up, as usual’ hypothesis.
She’s struggling to keep control of herself.
If anyone’s thinking she’s only giving away someone else’s money, you haven’t really got the findomme thing. That’s Jerk-off’s wallet, so the money in it is hers, whatever you (or indeed Jerk-off) might think. Incidentally, Jerk-off’s name is going to change soon, as it doesn’t really suit his new lifestyle.

I read somewhere that modern AIs hallucinate things, so any AI femdom programme might punish you mercilessly for things you never even did! Yum…
And your parents will be gone long before Simon and Olly arrive, later.

The voice of authority

Thank goodness we have women to handle these tough decisions for us.
Don’t worry: you can tell her as many things you really hate as you like. In fact, she’d quite like to know what your number four and number five are, so don’t hold back.
Police have a difficult enough job dealing with rapists, it’s best not to tie their hands with namby-pamby restrictions on what they can or cannot do to them.

Back under the bed. They’ll try to keep the noise down.
She’s not planning to brighten your smile, but then you won’t be smiling much when she’s finished with you, so that’s OK.

Look at all the foolishness

Pretty girl. (Warning: SFW).

Why not do both?
Don’t get too impatient while you’re waiting – she can take her time if she likes. It all adds to the delicious anticipation.
Goodness, seems like she’s prepared to give the whole ‘evil sadistic dominatrix’ thing a proper go. What luck!
I can honestly say I’ve never visited a sex worker. Or at least, if I have visited any, they weren’t doing sex work with me.
Oh well, no real harm do – I mean, it’s fine, right? Everyone makes the occasional mistake.
Believe me, you really do not want a one-star review on Slavr. That can get very, very bad.

When the belle strikes

She’s perfect, so is it so unreasonable for her to expect perfection around her?
She’s quite unsentimental about these things. Just as well, because her boys don’t usually last long.
The self-defense training can actually be worked into the pole-dancing routine, but they’d need several new submissives every night, so they only do that on special occasions.
Strangely, once the penitance she has in mind is complete, you’ll actually still be in a state of mortal sin – more so, if anything. So you’d better go straight to confession and it can all start again.
Conversations about money in relationships can be very uncomfortable. Many couples find it easier never to discuss money – my SO certainly never allows the topic to come up.

Celebrating indifference

Try not to cry into the food as you’re preparing it; she’s trying to keep her salt intake down.
Oh, that’s kind of her.
As you can tell, she’s in a kind mood. Normally she’d make them fight, instead of the kangaroo-jumping thing.
Nothing like it to wake you up in the morning.
Some might say that all sexism offences are serious, but there needs to be some clemency and forgiveness in the system, so for the first ‘blonde joke’ offence, for example, the law mandates only a six-month term in a re-education camp with hard labour. The survival rate is pretty high, although obviously lower in facilities with more blonde guards.
Of course, the big number that brings everyone clapping to their feet is Time to cut you, my dear! towards the end of the second act.