Life is pain, Highness

True, that. I’ve experienced a lot of pain in my relationships with women and I can only hope and pay for more in the years to come.

The dog gets the jelly bits from the cans of food, too… it’s really not fair.
It might be quite difficult for Treasure at first, as she has such a kind personality, but with the right teacher I’m sure she’ll learn to enjoy it.
As if there was any doubt that men are pigs – look at this guy! Couldn’t he have made at least some effort with his appearance, for the most important conversation he’ll ever have?
Apparently that’s called a ‘power pose’ – makes her feel powerful and in-charge. Although frankly, even sitting down in a comfy chair with someone draped across her lap awaiting the hairbrush, she comes across as pretty in-charge to me.
Phobia play’s a lot of fun and you don’t need the complicated set-up depicted here. Claustrophobia play, for instance, can be effective using something as simple as a heavy sack and a cupboard. And with two claustrophobes, it’s more than twice as much fun.
Might start to chafe after a while.

And do you really fear that you might fall, fall, fall, fall, fall, fall

The European female she’s here. Warning: safe for work and contains scenes of a non-sexual nature. Warning 2: yet another expression of Servitor’s fixation on 1980s British soft punk. But then so’s this.

It can get quite hard on the knees, especially when playing outdoors. But apparently she’s OK with that, so it’s not a problem.
I expect she’ll soon get on to the ‘different’ ways in which he does please her. I was once told by a girl that she liked me ‘but not in that way’. When I pressed her on what she meant, she thought a bit and realised that actually, on reflection, she didn’t like me in any way. Thank goodness we cleared that up, it could have got quite embarassing.
Cheaper too, particularly given the economical approach she takes to feeding him. Which also cuts down dramatically on household food waste, which our Western societies are finding to be an increasing problem.
Women get turned on by intelligent men, you know. Unfortunately (for us), they also get turned on by intelligent women and unintelligent men and both of those are in the majority in their sex.
Funny little bendy cane! Thank goodness it’s not going to hurt.

Dressed to repress


She’s actually very tolerant – it takes a lot to get her to lose her temper. Backchat, obviously.  Disobedience too… and laziness, of course, as well as forgetfulness and ingratitude. Anyway, what I’m saying is that you’ll quite often find yourself not being slapped, even when there might be cause to, so there’s really very little to complain about when you are. Even if she permitted complaining.  Which she doesn’t.




Yeah, first gay sex experience is always going to be a bit daunting.   Once you get through that first time, you can just relax and enjoy the rest of the evening. It won’t be long before you’re a very experienced player, having enjoyed so many sex partners, you’ll have forgotten that just a few hours before you were a virgin. 



Sounds fun… expensive, but worth it.



I found I simply didn’t have time for TV sports any more, after getting married. Busy busy busy.



Toss a coin?






Nothing to fear but fear itself

An odd quote.  If I feared fear, I wouldn’t pay to endure it, now, would I?  Anyway, anyone who really thinks there’s nothing to fear but fear itself hasn’t had a tawsing session with Miss Hunter, or been hand-smothered by Mistress Eleise de Lacey, to name just two among many ladies who can strike fear into me and have done so most delightfuly.

Don’t worry – she’s a very accomplished cook and will have a wide range of things for you to kneel on over time.  Pasta, pulses, various grains… And when you’re done kneeling on them, she can boil them up to mush, add a few flavourings and voila – your feeding bowl will be full for a week.

Ooh – what a lovely game!  I just want to rain a flurry of kisses down on her shoe in a never-ending display of adoration… and as that’s what she wants too, that’s what will happen.

I don’t specifically remember agreeing that.  If anything, I try not to think too much about the evening when we ‘discussed’ it, as it brings me out into a cold sweat.  But I’m sure she’s right, she usually is.  Always, come to think of it.

Time of the month, eh?  Always a bit difficult for the man of the house, especially if he’s a due a whipping anyway.  As I always seem to be, during her periods, for some weird reason.

The worst of is when they’re all sweaty and they’re grinding and pumping away and one of them looks up to discover she got bored and is watching TV.  Still: best not to stop. You know how she is about these things.


Head under heels

That’s the way I fell in love, many years and almost as many orgasms ago…

It’s important to fight back against the stereotypes.  Wear the t-shirt, use the hashtag, carry the pliers.

Well, it’s more romantic than stealing them from clotheslines.

It’s best not to think about it too much.  Thinking generally isn’t a sissy maid’s strong point anyway.

I’ve never really understood knitwear fetishism, although enforced knitting as an alternative to line-writing has its attractions.

Thank goodness for that. Lots of vanilla escorts wouldn’t have been so in tune with your needs, you know, might have just gone ahead and given you a blow job anyway.  She’s obviously very special.

But females are strong as Hell


Servitor’s tip: if you are going to propose to your ‘mistress’ during a ‘fem dom’ session, think about which kinky activities are most appropriate to that moment.  Face-slapping is a definite yes, forced bi rather less so.
Even if (as we suspect) the switching moment is not just about to occur, all true male doms understand that females are submissive really, deep down inside. Master Mark knows he just needs to wait… eventually the girls are bound to follow their natural instincts.

An old caption.  Unless something surprising happens between my putting this into the queue and publication.  Which seems unlikely. As surprising things so often are.

It’s always a shock, in mid-life, to discover you’ve actually been gay for some time without even realising it.
I’d rather go bowling with Simon, actually, but what do my opinions matter?

Slavish obedience

A bit presumptuous, from someone I only met five minutes ago.  What makes her so sure I won’t just wander off and never meet her again?

You might think that after this experience she’d become a pro-domme, but actually she’s fine with the escort business, as long as she can occasionally beat clients up.
Now here’s a professional lady more focused on the subculture’s needs!
Some of the sales team made the mistake of telling potential customers that they’d be physically punished if they didn’t meet their sales targets.  5% of customers did buy more, in sympathy, 75% just laughed it off as a joke but the remaining 20% immediately cancelled their orders. All women, oddly enough.

The run’s extended by three months, but after that it seems they’re likely to run out of convicted sex offenders.  Of course, there are always more sex offenders being convicted – but strangely, the sexual crime rate fell by 75% soon after the show opened. Ironic, huh?

That would be funny…

… if it weren’t so sad.

Actually, there’s a perfectly simple explanation. Just tell her you’re a pervert.

You can get quite sweaty dressed up like that.  Hope the other guests have brought plenty of liquids.

Hee hee. Brad might think he’s her favourite lover, but she doesn’t put the spotty socks on for him, does she?  I know where her true affections lie.  Anyway, better get on with it, there’s ironing to do (yum!).
Very true. We each have our special skill. Mine is ‘incompetence’.
Blubbolow fllabbo ploh?

Strap, shackle and crop

…it wakes me up every time.

…and don’t forget to say a Hail Mary.  She’s called Mary.

Very economical.

A good way for a sub to ensure he never says anything disrespectful is to cultivate a habit of only thinking devoutly respectful thoughts. It takes a lot of mental training, but it’s worth it. For a quicker solution, the same effect can be achieved just by beating the crap out of him if he speaks out of turn, or keeping him permanentlty gagged, so most dommes just go with one of those.  And really, who are you to argue?

This is Divine Mistress Heather, seen from one of her many very lovely angles.

She has ideas about how to conduct their weekly performance reviews too.

It’s a good thing neither of them’s gay.

Ordered relationship

According to Wikipedia’s page on Order Theory: “In other contexts, orders may capture notions of containment.”  Well, that’s certainly true.  There are several types of orders, if I understand correctly, among which ‘strict ordering’ is clearly the best.

Oh, I think we know what Natasha’s going to say. She’s been breaking boys’ legs since she was a teenager.

Sounds like a lot of fun. Get to work!

If everything not OK, there might be some bureaucratic formalities to go through, at the male holding centre.

You have something you’d rather spend 60% of your income on, than the divine Lady Sophia Black?
 Awww no… I went to put in a link but her website has shut down and she is protecting her tweets.  I hope Lady Sophia hasn’t retired from the scene.  She’s wonderful.

She’s gone to all that trouble. The least you can do is suffer for her, hmm?

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