hunting – Contemplating the divine

You must submit to supreme suffering in order to discover the completion of joy

John Calvin said that, kinky little slut that he was.

I hope that isn’t real fur. It’s cruel, you know.

Oh, I hate sissy play-dates, don’t you? Sometimes I’d rather just be left at home, chained up on the back porch. But my preferences don’t enter into it.

I don’t see what isn’t sexy about any of that.

He should take her seriously. Very, very seriously.

You could ask. What’s the worst that can happen?

View-halloo!

The title, obviously, indicating that it’s a special dedicated to that wholesome British country pastime, The Hunt. Vicious, brutal and non-consensual with no scantily clad ladies but lots of words. Those last two may well put male readers off, I know, but no one here cares what males think, so that’s fine.

Her guiding hand

No need to try to remember when you last saw it, obviously, as you don’t forget something like that.

Teach a man to fish, he’ll catch fish whenever he feels like it and probably spend most of his time masturbating; brutally cane him whenever he fails to meet his fish quota, you can live off the fishery earnings for life.

Isn’t that more important? I mean, for one thing she’s going to have a lot more orgasms than you would – as will the two lads too – so it’s a net plus, in utilitarian terms.

Honestly, they’ve gone to all this trouble to give you a terrifying, agonising and life-threatening experience… seems churlish to whine about the weather.

But any lady who does actually decide to break a leg should make sure it belongs to someone not in the show.

Heavenly beings

If there is, I’m sure it’s a problem that won’t take her long to sort out.

You know, true connoisseurs can tell from just one sniff which mistress pissed in their wine, and what she had to eat over the last 24 hours.

Actually, he has a sneaky plan to take an emetic and vomit it out, so he’s smiling inside. It’s great, being a submissive, isn’t it? Imagine how awful it would be to have a different fetish, one for which you didn’t have to suffer.

Yes, her. But her web site seems to have last been updated in 2019, so alas…

She puts a lot of effort into it too – I hope you’ll be suitably grateful, once you’re able to speak again.

Callers can end up spending a lot of time on hold, listening to annoying music broken by an occasional recorded message assuring the caller that all their operatives are currently busy or can’t be bothered to take a call and that his call is utterly unimportant to them.

Some people say it’s cruel. Others say ‘Yeah, sure it is. And?’

Uncontrolled devotion

Develop the habit of cringing in terror early enough and everything else pretty much follows.

My SO recently bought a trophy cabinet, so she must be expecting to win something. I asked her what and she just laughed and said it was going to be a surprise. It could be anything, really… I mean she’s good at so many things.

You just have to tell him you’re not doing it any more, that’s all. Stand up for yourself. Be a ma- anyway, stand up for yourself.

If you do have any questions ask now, because when the procedure starts you’ll be screaming much too hard to get any intelligible words out. It’s important that you understand the details of the procedure, as it’s much more fun for them that way.

I’ve got a skilful tongue too – just ask the toilet seat.

He is seriously rich – might even try to bribe them not to go through with it. But they’re professionals: he booked them for four full days of severe school discipline and they’re determined to give him his money’s worth.

The Hunt

New series! Brutal, unpleasant and – so far at least – with very longwinded captions. But if you’re into the idea of running naked at the limits of your endurance, desperately gulping lungfuls of air as you flee in terror for your life, pursued by whip-wielding jodhpur-clad ladies on horseback intent on your mutilation and painful death (and let’s face it, all of that adds up to a very attractive image), you might like these).

More mundanely, I understand commenting here has become harder the last few weeks. That’s not something I want to happen, so I have tried tweaking the anti-spam settings a bit. I found out for example that it was considering all comments containing the word ‘penis’ to be spam. I’ve deleted that but ‘penis enlargement’ continues to feature on the list, as that is not something this blog supports – quite the opposite, if anything. I’ll keep a better eye on this – apologies if you felt the urge to comment recently and were discouraged.

The nymphs tread out their ground, fa la

.. for now is the month of Maying. Fa la la la la la la la.

A latex-shining session? Pah – that’s practically vanilla. You’ve got a proper femdom activity booked, you have, so go ahead and enjoy every authentic moment of it.

That’s a shame, as the date was going quite well up to that point. Maybe they’ll leave you their phone numbers.

My SO is fine with me deciding for myself what I want to eat when we go out to a restaurant. She doesn’t usually let me have it, of course.

Don’t worry, she’s only planning to shoot to wound. Much more fun that way.

The shapely ankles and calves within these elegant boots belong to Miss Chambers, of Cruella fame. Now if only we could see her lovely, lovely nose too.

That’s a good clause. I have it tattooed on me, just in case I ever forget.

Oh, and as a little bonus, I just discovered this delightful thing and felt compelled to share it.

#Chris Pine from Entertainment Weekly

Heaven-sent

… and very nice too*

All the ways I could be a better husband? Wow. I think I’m going to need two days locked in the stocks, at least.

What a lot of fuss, about a routine operation. You’d think I was the first person whose tonsils she’d removed. I… hang on… didn’t I have my tonsils out when I was a teenager?

Oh, don’t worry: I’ll keep looking. I might cry a little, if that’s OK.

She insists on her tea being just the way she likes it. Also the ironing, bed corners, washing up, bookshelves, underwear drawer, bath, breakfast, ornaments, cushions, carpets, gin & tonic, shoes, lawn, floor tiles, nail polish, ….

The splendidly-named Miss Hunter, on whose wall I would love to end up as a trophy.

Many dommes find the things we submissives do disgusting. That’s why they so enjoy hitting us.

* but if anyone happens to be able to locate the scene in the British sitcom Game On (rather a lovely ‘situation’: sad male failures share flat with goddess) in which Samantha Janus rushes around putting her make-up on to this song, I’d be most grateful.

Excruciatingly pleasurable

Why bring up painful old memories? She seems nice… maybe it’s time for a fresh start?

Oddly enough, I never experienced corporal punishment as a child. My SO says we have to make up for lost time, and she’s probably right. She usually is.


Why do my dates always end up like this?

Traditional country sports went through a bit of a low patch in the years between the Foxhunting (Prohibition) Act and the Sexual Offences (Remedial and Preventative Measures) Act, but they’re now more popular than ever, even though men aren’t allowed to take part. As riders, I mean.


Oh dear. She’s right, you know. I am a very, very bad person. Fortunately, this very evening I am visiting someone to whom I have given a lot of money to beat me for my sins. So that’s all right.

Freddie’s back

If you like Contemplating the Divine* then you will certainly have loved Freddie’s Tales.** You, therefore, like me, will have been devasted when Freddie’s Tales disappeared from one day to the next. Also like me, therefore***, you will be absolutely delighted that Freddie is back, with a new blog and no doubt just raring to produce more of those fabulous Beetle books.

So get yourself over to Freddie’s new blog. I – hey come back! I didn’t mean now. Read the captions below first, moron. That’s what you came here for, right? Men… I dunno.

My SO and I have been experimenting with pre-signed suicide notes. It’s a kind of next-level thing, you know? Edgy, I know, but it works for us.

I think I can give her 110%.

Sounds like you are actually going to be discussing it… at length. But not until you’re safely married.

Consent seems to be a theme of this post. That’s because it’s so important. My SO always insists that I consent to everything she does to me.

Thank goodness they no longer hunt foxes. That was so cruel.

* And if you don’t like Contemplating the Divine what the fuck are you doing here? Are you some kind of weird masochist or something? Freak.

** Except the Femsub bits, obviously. One day, I hope young Freddie will meet a lady who will set him right about the suitability of that sort of material.

*** Writing this, I realise how uncannily similar we are, you and I. We laugh at the same things, cry together – we should get a drink some time, yeah?