blondes – Contemplating the divine

Further figures

More captions loosely inspired by the comedic style (but not achieving the comedic effect) of the Far Side. Slightly more whimsical than usual, anyway. Whatever. Also more than the average amount of tennis.

Manservants

A surprising number of men marry women who turn out to be like their mothers. This one didn’t.

Oh well, at least there’s less of all that making sure you turn up neither too early nor one second late, while also not hanging around the area where the dungeon is, so as not to annoy her neighbours. If you know what I mean. He’s just up at 6am and into role straight away, every day.

She can forgive anything except bad coffee. Or messy laundry-folding. And a few other things, now I think of it.

It’s not entirely pointless, as, after he’s gone and is sitting gingerly in a nearby bar feeling the glow, Herrin Anneliese has a 4 pm session, in which she plans to make her slave carry it all back, so that needs setting up.

The limit may be hard but steel is harder. And these ladies are harder still.

And of course his hands would be neatly cuffed behind him, to keep them out of the way.

Great are the stars, and man is of no account to them

Another science fiction post! Yeah, it was going to be a historical images special but rocket go up! And Servitor likes that. So in honour of brave spacewoman Christina Koch and her three boys on Artemis II, we’ll do space again today. Plus, we’re still not doing World War M, because other kinds of rocket come back down again.

And in honour of everyone’s favourite component of the hive-mind, there are seven science fiction images, so that’s good, right? And as it’s Easter, we’ll have an extra extra one celebrating the day.

It’s a harsh, untamed planet but fortunately they’ve brought a lot of equipment along specifically designed for taming.

They considered sending King Charles up but it turned out that, by lucky chance, several minor princes and one princess in the Royal Family knew what the OWK was, so the misunderstanding was sorted out.

Recycling is important in space; anything not performing a useful function should always be repurposed or shredded down to its basic elements and added to ship’s stores.

I think if they’re dealing with male humans, relying on reduced brain function is a pretty safe bet. Anyway, Sarah seems nice.

Don’t worry about anything bad happening to those pets, by the way. The envoys arrived under diplomatic protection and interstallar law is clear their property cannot be harmed by the hosts – or if it is, it must be replaced with something of equal value.

In case you’re wondering why they can’t implant their larvae into human females, the little darlings are quite picky about what they like to eat when they hatch out, and there are certain yummy body parts that females just don’t have.

I feel a Spartacus moment coming on. Just give me some air, I’ll be fine.

Easter eggstra:

Serena and Alice have similar traditions but they prefer an old-fashioned crucifixion: the victim’s arms are properly outstretched and there’s no nonsense about using ropes or straps when there are perfectly good nails handy. Alice always loves it when the Easter decoration goes up on Good Friday, the dithering over which terrified male to choose; then the sounds of laughter, joyful hammering and less joyful screaming, then the screams take on a pitch of still greater urgency as the cross is hoisted up, before eventually subsiding to moans and sobs as the decoration hangs there all weekend, reminding her each time she glances up at it of the chocolate eggs to come on Sunday. Easter’s a very special time for them.

Woman’s inhumanity to man

Which is obviously fine, humanity being properly reserved for humans not apes or maggots.

I’ve heard the trick is to think about other things, OK? The two weeks will fly by. Now hurry up with that lotion: she’s waiting.

And if you’re *not* actually her 4 o’clock pervert, just go on up anyway. She isn’t particular.

Realistic goals, firm boundaries, severe consequences. Secret of a happy marriage, right?

She’s right, they’re already starting to look ugly and horrible.

Particularly disappointing given the ants’ matriatrchal society. You’d think they’d at least have a nibble… ant cannot live on honey alone.

Even the grimmest, most unpleasant situations can benefit from a little joke, he always used to say.

Incidentally, my captions here often feature the wonderful Mistress Eleise (with whom I had the pleasure and pain in Paris of a session or three) objecting to blonde jokes. But that’s just my invention. Maybe she really likes them, collects them and treasures examples in which the blonde is being particularly dumb? If anyone visits Canada and if she’s still working, do try a few out and let us know how it goes.

Well-managed relationships

Oh – a CtD post on a Thursday! Hmm, you say. Must be an extra, because Servitor is celebrating the blog’s fifteenth anniversary. And certainly not because silly Servitor messed up the dates in scheduling the posts and thought 29 January was a Friday and noticed too late to delete it, as Sam had already commented. No no no no no… So, yeah, an extra post, because Friday’s post ~~hurriedly recscheduled from later in February~~ will obviously come out as normal tomorrow.

They say the secret of a successful relationship is mutual respect. Which just goes to show how little ‘they’ know. She says the secret of a successful relationship is tyranny and fear and I really can’t disagree with her on that.

Findommes… the unsung heroines of the consumer economy.

It’s funny, back when I was dating, two of the girls I – OK, OK *both* of the girls I slept with – rated my perfomance as the ‘worst fuck in human history’. Which doesn’t strike me as being right, as one of those fucks must have been worse than the other. Of course, I’m using ‘sleep’ as a euphemism – I never actually ‘slept’ with them, if you know what I mean: they threw me out. But not before I’d had my eighteen seconds of passion!

He didn’t wonder why she was constructing a prison cell in the cellar? Ah, love makes one blind. So does masturbation, ‘they’ say, although my SO says red-hot needles are actually more effective.

I wonder… have any subs who’ve been in this situation ever been tempted to stop brushing for just a moment, turn the hairbrush round and administer a sharp, stinging… I mean, I’m not saying I have, of course! Just to be clear, ahem. But it’s like – or I *imagine* it *would* be like – that feeling you get standing on the edge of a cliff, you know? That you could just… jump. Only a lot more dangerous than that, obviously.

Ah, Gigi Allens. A lady with plenty of inches and strong hips to back them up.

Yes, what a touching story. I like to imagine that every time she sees them sparkle, she’s reminded of how she has lots of other lovely necklaces too. Long-time readers will of course be well aware that my visions of the future show that in her political career, President Annie will re-orient male vocational training towards traditional, manly, backbreaking labour or domestic tasks, so really the college fund was no loss.

Hot and oppressive

No, not the weather. Alas. Just these ladies. Hoorah.

I’m still having problems with the stupid firewall, sorry. But if you have tried to comment and requested access, do come back a day or two later! A couple of times recently I’ve approved access for people who don’t then seem to have used the access and commented. In principle, it should always work after I’ve approved you, at least for the same IP address. You just have to keep trying, as my SO wearily remarked the other day, as she took the cane back down from its hook and gestured for me to bend over the chair.

They each consented, of course, on behalf of one another.

She doesn’t really understand what her daughter does but she’s very proud of her. Her son’s something of a disappointment, admittedly – but his big sister has a plan for him.

Mmmm… you shouldn’t really presume, just on the basis of a sub’s clothing and appearance. Although as she’s a woman, I suppose she can do whatever she likes.

Sorry about this. Can’t resist a bit of G&S amongst the D&S.

It’s his own fault, even when it’s not. That’s the basic principle, why complicate matters?

Success is not an option

All poets need a muse – and if you can find one who’ll twist your testicles until the rhymes come, so much the better.

I was only asking for directions to the nearest metro station. Oh well, go with it.

It’s actually one of the few sports where women and men play together at the highest level, although men’s careers are generally much shorter.

Ah, the good old days. I don’t *like* having a king. ‘His majesty’s ship’ – it just sounds ridiculous, and sends entirely the wrong signals, as we all prepare for the inevitable World War M.

They also serve, who only wait and wait…

In other respects, the two are very similar – the tubes are almost exactly the same size, for instance. Also, my SO likes to grab hold of what’s below the bottom of the tube and twist sharply.

Genital burns can be quite tricky to deal with. I actually help out, by volunteering (OK, ‘Someone’ volunteers me) once a month to let our local female first responders practice treating nasty burns to my penis and balls. I like to feel I’m (OK, She’s) giving something back.

He certainly doesn’t – it was touch and go last time. But that’s his thing, so he keeps making the bookings.

I always think thanks are reward enough. Or mockery and contempt, as I enjoy those too.

You might imagine it’s hard to survive seven gunshots, but with careful aim you should survive long enough to make it worthwhile for her.

It’s not a rhetorical question, as so many questions in the captions here are. The delightfully unsmiling Ms Venten does genuinely want to know what you think, so she can decide whether your opinions as well as your behaviour need to be sorted out.

OKINMPK

(Our Kink Is Not Most People’s Kink).

More posts to remind us all how desperately dull life would be were it vanilla-flavoured.

The lady kindly helping her slave overcome his irrational fear of water, through his entirely rational fear of her, is the divine Heather.

…and while we are on the subject of divine favour, the fabulously beautiful goddess to the right is not Goddess Sophia (who is wonderful) but the also wonderful but sadly retired Lady Sophia Black.