Mr Floppyears – Contemplating the divine

Delightfully despotic

Better do as she says. But with dignity, right? Always with dignity.

For those of you objecting that getting an erection is a natural reaction to the situation, merely an expression of sexual desire, should realise that exactly the same argument applies to her giving you powerful electric shocks.

She needn’t hurry. This isn’t going to be over any time soon. Not ever, actually.

She’s not saying it’s a hard limit, mind.

Maybe since she broke her side of the bargain, you should ask for all the presents back? It’s only fair. Admittedly, fairness has never really been big in this relationship.

Fair mistreatment

How soon will she be back? Oh… you know. It’ll be forever and it’ll also be too soon, same as usual.

There’s actually another guy out there, but you’re unlikely to see him unless you start digging in the compost pile, and why would you do that?

The lovely but, by the looks of things, retired Princess Neive. I wonder what she did with the boots? I’d give them a loving home.

Poor thing. She seems very upset. I hope this will make her feel better.

As her name is ‘Josephine’, maybe you’re better off sticking with ‘hamster’? At least ‘hamster’ fits on one line.

Shocky!

Words of praise

Look at that… she gets to have a mug of rich, steaming coffee… and Raoul’s coming round later, too.

Things just haven’t been the same between us since Humpy Hippo moved in.

If you like Humpy Hippo, then you might also like Mr Floppyears because it’s basically the same caption.

I remember as a child running excitedly to the door to let the District Disciplinary Officer in, while Dad grovelled for mercy at my Mum’s feet. These days you can order a beating on-line, but it’s not the same.

It’s silly to criminalise sexism. Men are better than women at lots of things and it shouldn’t be a crime to say so. Hard labour, for a start: we’re really good at that.