toilet training – Contemplating the divine

Weak, pliant, ridiculous…

Aren’t we, though? Leopold Sacher Masoch said that and he was right about a lot of things.

Sorry – did you just ask about facial recognition? Do you really think she wants to bend down and… oh, that’s just perverted. We don’t want that sort of thing round here, thank you very much.

Don’t worry, she makes sure he sheds the excess pounds after the tournament. She has a special dietary regime called ‘chained up with no food’. It works a treat.

All those pretty dresses and they just want to wear jeans? Oh well, a lap is a lap, when you’re lying across it, I suppose.

They’re planning a big party at the weekend – over thirty guests. They dropped round to ask if she minded, and of course she said it was absolutely fine. Should be a fun evening.

She’s never had a problem motivating her students; in fact it’s the part of the job she enojoys the most.

My SO’s the same… even if it causes her mild discomfort, there are no lengths she won’t go to to ensure that any lessons I need to learn are soundly beaten in. So touching… it makes me cry.

The strength of a woman can be boundless

It’s another science fiction special. Now you might object that we just had a science fiction special and for once you’d be right (well done you!) but I’ve just written a tonne* of sci-fi captions, a great many featuring Seven of Nine, so we’re going to be having a lot of them. And in honour of everyone’s favourite Borg, we’ll have seven captioned images each time. Got to get them out there somehow.

Also, I do have a World War M post ready but given there’s quite a lot of actual war around, I think perhaps we’ll keep that on hold for now.

*That’s slightly more than a ton.

You might expect her to add that this is going to hurt her more than it will hurt him, but her programming prevents her from lying.

Goodness, the Borg are so much more advanced than us even in *plumbing*. Resistance is indeed futile… where can I surrender, please, Ma’am?

If it would be completely unethical to enslave billions of people, then presumably it would only be a tiny fraction as unethical to enslave just one… or even a few.

Realism is overrated, which is why I write this blog.

I wonder whether the local culture has developed any techniques for dealing with this situation? Implements, even.

She’s appalled at the waste. It’s like throwing away perfectly good chocolate spread.

The 70s was a difficult time and many people say that its sci-fi reflected that, featuring a lot of dystopian, dark visions of the future but in these TV shows at least, I see nothing but optimism that things might turn out OK. Too optimistic, if anything: that’s Space 1999 down in the bottom right: if only 1999 *had* been like that. Everywhere, I mean, not just a few select locations in most major cities and a large estate on the outskirts of Černá, Czech Republic.

The power of dependent thought

Don’t worry if you can’ t be brave. She doesn’t mind. In fact: she’s good with pain, so you don’t have to be.

Maybe she could invite a few of the guards over one evening: show them what an obedient and well-adjusted male looks like. You will be on your best behaviour, won’t you?

It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Well… actually it’s not because Nathan later found himself ring-gagged and secured at just the right angle every Friday night, but they weren’t to know that at this point.

Mistress Ezada has never understood the point of labour-saving devices.

She can remember every mocking, searing word of Mr Johnson’s remarks about her Twain essay (well, how was she to know he didn’t mean Shania?). That’s actually quite fortunate, because she’s going to want him to repeat it, pausing after each word for some feedback.

Hmm. I suspect his feet are going to get in the way when they try to put the lid on. Oh well… they’ve got saws and things, I expect they’ll find a way to make everything fit together.

She’s right on this one

And all the other ones.

Obviously, in dental play she avoids doing anything for which you need years of specialised training. Using anaesthetic, for instance, which can be quite dangerous if you don’t know exactly what you’re doing, so she wisely never tries it.

Miss Chambers of Cruella, of course – and although it’s not in the foreground, it is in profile so once again, I will obsessively draw your attention to that lovely nose. Cleopatra has nothing on Miss Chambers. Now go and buy Andy’s stuff before he changes his mind about selling it online!

Just for once, the queue for the ladies’ isn’t that bad but she’s always wanted to try this.

That’s the thing about a visit to OWK – it helps you confront your irrational fears and replace them with rational ones.

‘All men are equal’ – sure. I can get behind that. But that’s about as far as it goes.

Or should I say, she once had me

It’s almost as if the designers of women’s loos knew…

I got caught up in the ‘you too’ movement – it just took one finger pointing languidly in my general direction, if I remember arright.

There’s actually relatively little outside work experience that can prepare a slave for the rigours of an OWK working stay, although I have heard that working for Amazon can help.

Not really. He was bending long before he finally broke.

Not quite sure what she means there. Housemaids’ and husbands’ roles are practically indentical anyway.

She was known for being a bully at school. I read an interview with a guy who was so traumatised by being mocked and humiliated by her in geography class that he abandoned the teaching profession entirely.

So this is what makes life divine

Fairy tales… yes, more fairy tales. But there’s a theme today. See if you can guess what it is.

No prizes, of course, for spotting the theme (any who didn’t, please go and book a session with a suitably severe lady to be beaten for stupidity). All fairy tales should feature breathtakingly beautiful princesses, wicked queens, clever heroines and evil and sadistic villains – how much simpler the author’s task when all of those are combined in one, wonderful, elegant and… well, divine form.