Happy Hathaday! Yes, regular ‘readers’ of this blog may be aware that Servitor has several soft spots for the greatest actress of her generation and future first Female Supremacist president of the United Matriarchy of America, the divine Ann(i)e.

Today marks the day we celebrate an additional year in which we have been blessed with her presence, to set against that dark period of 13,700,000,000 years or so over which we did not. And what better way to honour her than by putting up some captioned images utterly misrepresenting her personality and even speech patterns, for sad weirdos like you and me to perve over? I certainly can’t think of one. So here they are.

Words of praise

Look at that… she gets to have a mug of rich, steaming coffee… and Raoul’s coming round later, too. 
Things just haven’t been the same between us since Humpy Hippo moved in.
 If you like Humpy Hippo, then you might also like Mr Floppyears because it’s basically the same caption.
I remember as a child running excitedly to the door to let the District Disciplinary Officer in, while Dad grovelled for mercy at my Mum’s feet.  These days you can order a beating on-line, but it’s not the same.
It’s silly to criminalise sexism. Men are better than women at lots of things and it shouldn’t be a crime to say so.  Hard labour, for a start: we’re really good at that.

10 Green Bottles?


Happy birthday to me!

January 26th!  Australia Day!  On this day…

Benjamin Franklin suggested the turkey should become America’s national symbol in 1784!  Michigan joined the USA in 1837!  California was declared a disaster area in 1969 (yes, it was as late as that).  President Clinton said “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” in 1998 (Oh Bill, there are some ladies here who could teach you what the meaning of the word “is”, is). 

…and in 2011, Contemplating the Divine came dribbling messily onto the Internet scene, its first post daringly starting with the declaration “Well, I don’t know why you’re here.”  And it’s been downhill ever since.

Of course, in those early days we didn’t have the captioning technology we have today. The letters had to be positioned behind the posing ladies by hand, and sometimes would look a bit shaky, especially in Madame Sarka’s shoots, as she tends to get a bit tetchy if kept waiting for more than about six seconds or so.

But soon the blog found its stride, and in April 2011 was to achieve its greatest success when Anne Hathaway was persuaded to act in a heavy CBT-focused femdom movie lasting 18 minutes.  That video was downloaded from the site over four million times, and became a massive Internet meme.  Sadly, legal action forced the owners of the blog to remove it, so I’m afraid the moment when Anne smiles sweetly and tosses her hair before tightening the Kali’s teeth bracelet around the engorging member of the frantically struggling slave can no longer be found here.  But I expect you’ve all downloaded copies, and can enjoy it at your leisure.  And if not, you’ll just have to be sexually frustrated, which I expect you’ll enjoy just as much.  Perverts.

Although the “Jane Austen femdom” post was a huge hit in April,  the “Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales femdom” follow up was less well-received, and the project to femdomize all of the major works of English literature in any case had to be put on hold because Servitor had to write lines instead.

Then in the latter half of the year, Contemplating the Divine became stale and repetitive, an object of derision and contempt, kept alive only by tired and jaded viewers of porn, checking in once or twice to see if any of the stolen pictures were any good, and not too obscured by witless, formulaic captions.  And so, bleeding and scarred, but too stupid to give up, the blog reaches its first birthday.

Contemplating the Divine – “still not as good as it used to be and it never was”

For those new to the blog, some examples of the content from my review of the whole first year.  So you don’t have to.


from Beauty and the Beast

“So if your true love kisses you before the last petal falls, you resume your true form as a handsome prince? gasped Belle, staring at the wilting rose.

“Yes” replied the hapless beast.

“One kiss and all of this castle and kingdom will be restored as it was before I was enchanted, and I will assume the throne. But if the petal falls first, I remain a beast for ever, without even the power of speech that I have now.”

The two gazed at the rose, in its glass case. Having perhaps been disturbed by their footsteps on entering the room, the last petal drooped gently down, hanging on to the stem by the merest thread.

“A beast for ever…” murmured Belle, absent-mindedly stroking the collar and leash that she held in her hand.

She started tapping the glass case gently with the end of her riding crop.

“But still rich, right?”

4.  Set aside some time every week just to talk.
Make sure it’s a time when neither of you are rushed, when you can just take as long as you need for your relationship.
January 2012

So there we are.

…166 posts, 684 uploaded images, one piece of sevice helpfully carried out for Ms Suzanne, far too many obscene and insulting captions superimposed on images of elegant, heart-stoppingly beautiful actresses who would simply be horrified if they found out.  And still no bandicoots.

Contemplating the Divine… the blog that licks up and swallows its own mess.  What a year.

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