Mislaid gratification

I hope the poor things manage to find something to amuse themselves with, without any men around.
My SO gets very angry about how widely accepted it used to be to tell sexist ‘mother-in-law’ jokes and I can’t say she’s wrong. I wish I could go back to the 1970s and just explain to those ‘comics’ how much pain their thoughtless and unfunny insults could cause.
In case you’re wondering how four fully grown women can stand on someone’s back without causing unacceptable injuries, there is of course a trick to taking a photo of this kind of pose: they used a male that no one cares about.
OK, that’s ‘the little talk’ over then. See? I told you she’d listen.
Don’t worry, he’s still going to pay for a steak. And leave a nice big tip (200% is standard, but his Mistress was feeling generous that night so she rounded it up to an even 1000).
Sometimes lifestyle changes can be the best way to deal with a bad back, but if you don’t get to decide on your own lifestyle, obviously that’s a non-starter. Incidentally, after this photo was taken the stupid baldy twat you can see kneeling down there had to be whipped for not expresing enough sympathy for her poor old Nan. Men can be so unfeeling.

Perfectly entitled

She doesn’t have to repeat herself, but of course she’s perfectly entitled to say the same thing every month.
He, on the other hand, is not at all entitled but is hoping for a favourable outcome. I’m sure she’ll say yes: it would be mean and capricious to say no, after all.
He thought it would make the scene more edgy, using a real loaded gun, and he was right. Some dommes would just work it into the scene, maybe even applying a wickedly tight tourniquet to the affected body parts (helping to staunch the massive loss of blood as well as providing a kinky thrill) but it seems this one has had enough. I expect she needs a quiet evening in, with a hot bath, a bottle of wine and her cats – to put her weird and kinky clients right out of her mind.
Don’t worry: no one will think any less of you because you’re only a homemaker. They all regard you with utter contempt already.
Nothing like a cold shower in February to bring a brisk dose of real life to a femdom session, I find. PS – why are dedicated dungeon spaces often so f***ing cold? Perhaps I should just play domestic scenes in winter months, curled up over a lap in front of a nice warm fire, with a nice warm bottom…
She’s a pro and she demands a professional service.

Derogatory remarks

Did everyone get what they  wanted for Christmas? I hope so. I didn’t, not really. But apparently I got what I needed and what I deserved, which I’m given to understand is actually better for me. So that’s nice.

I wonder what she’s talking about. The usual  explanatory notes didn’t come with this one, I’m afraid.

I remember – very soon after I started seeing the lady who became my SO – very nervously broaching the subject of whether she might be prepared to try incorporating a little light spanking play into our bedroom routines. But she wasn’t really up for it. She said she preferred to stick with the bullwhip, shock baton and testicle clamps so I just pretended I’d been joking and I dropped the whole subject. I’ve often wondered how my life might have been different, had she said she’d try it… but it’s no use wishing for what might have been, is it?

Well… sex is important in her work, just as crime is important in a policewoman’s.

It’s going better than she’d dared to hope and she hasn’t even reached the gravel yet.

Oh dear… she’s not exactly trying to make you feel special, is she? But then, you’re not.

Stocking fillers

Always such a rush… I mean, you wait all year for Christmas, then…



Many submissive men are rather bad at shorthand, which is a shame as most dominant ladiies really enjoy dictating.



I once jokily asked a domme if she did ‘big penis humiliation’ – and rather to my surprise she said she did, although as it turned out most of the actual work in-session was done by her friend Marcus.



No, no… don’t make me sniff that stinky stocking, Brer Mistress!




If you’re crying more often than you’re coming you’ve reached next-level sub status. Either that or you’re much too young to be reading this blog.

Divine Order

I worship her divine shadow.

I’ve had a few bruising relationships myself, but I usually have to pay for them.
Unless she forgets, obviously.
It’s obviously preying on her mind, the poor thing.
I pay a sex worker to have vanilla intercourse, once a month.  She usually sends me a picture of the lucky guy.

She’ll get round to yours.  You just need to wait very patiently.  Try shifting your weight from side to side a bit if your knees are starting to hurt.


Our youngers and betters

I suppose it never hurts to go through things again, just to make sure.  Well… I don’t mean it never actually hurts – obviously it does hurt – I just mean…. oh , you know.

The longer it goes on, the longer his pleasureable anticipation, I suppose.
I wonder what she has planned for the evening.  For you, that is.
Aww… is there a little furry… hairy, leggy, fangy.. friend in there with you? Or several.
You, by contrast, can easily go quite badly wrong.  But you’ll know when you do.

Lip service

There are lots of things submissives know about that ‘ordinary people’ don’t.  It’s an odd thought, but most people have never been peed on, for instance (by an adult, anyway). 

Oh, well if David wants me serving canapes then of course we’d better go!  Sigh.  David this, David that… honestly, one day I’m really going to have to set some boundaries in this relationship. But not today. What do you think? I favour the one on the left…

She said stare at the ground, moron.
Erm… yeah, the ironing.  About that…

Brain damage play can be a lot of fun, but you need to make sure you pick short and simple words to use as safewords.

Financial liabilities

Oh hi, Mr Travers. Do come in.  This is Emilie Haskins – one of my colleagues
who works in fixed-income products.
Thanks for dropping by. 
Look: I’ve been thinking about our last consultation.  I’d like to apologise for…maybe over-reacting to some of the little jokes you made.  As you said: you’re from
an older generation and I expect ‘in your day’ it was perfectly normal to
compliment a woman on her legs.  Not your fault if you’re a ‘leg man’ is it?  As you said.  And as you also so rightly said, it was partly my own fault for wearing quite such a short skirt. 
Just so as long as you remember that I’m your independent
financial advisor, not a ‘lovely bit of skirt’ as you so… amusingly
described me, I don’t see why we shouldn’t continue to have a business
All right then, Mr Travers, if you want to put it that way!  As well as a lovely bit of skirt.  Goodness, the jokes never stop with you, do they?  Such fun.  Anyway: to be a bit more serious, we’ve identified a customised financial product that
we think is just right for you!  Haven’t we, Em?  
If you’d like to come and sit down – I’m afraid there’s only one chair, but Emilie here can perch on the desk.  As long as you don’t mind her looming over you like that?   No?  Didn’t think you would. Right then.

Now: this financial product.  It does
take some active management, so you’d need to come and see me and Emilie about
it… ooh at least once a month.  Or we could even visit you at home, if that’s easier for you?  Would
that be OK? Great.
Do you want to hear more about it…? I’ve got a 37 page brochure
here, just erm… excuse me Em, would you mind shifting your legs?  Yes: here it is.  So, you could take it away if you like and…?  No?  You OK with just going ahead and signing?
Mr Travers?  Goodness, you were miles away there!  I was saying: shall we just sign?  Great. 
Right: sign there. 
And there.  Sorry, I’ll make some space here on the desk next to Emily’s legs so you can sign.  Just there. No: there, Mr
Travers.  You won’t sign in the right
place unless you look at it, will you? That’s it.  This one’s for the bank: initial every page
and sign at the bottom. Super.  That’s
right, just leave the bit saying ‘Beneficiary’ blank: we’ll fill that in.   
And there’s another… oh, Emilie’s sitting on
it!  Mind out Em!  There we are – if you could just…?
Yes, I suppose you had better sign it while it’s
still warm! I warned you he was a joker, didn’t I, Em?  Goodness, Em… you look like you’re about to burst with laughter right now – but you have to keep that under control, OK?  Like we discussed.  Until the business is all settled.
Don’t mind her, Mr Travers. She’s just got a very lively sense of humour – just like you!    Anyway: you sign there, look: below where it says ‘Waiver’.  And again, under where it says: ‘Power of attorney’.  Brilliant. 
Great.  Well… I think
we’re done.  Unless you have any more
savings you haven’t told me about?  Right
then.  Well, I think you’re all set for
the financial future you most certainly deserve, Mr Travers. 
Oh – that’s Em bursting out in giggles again! You’ve certainly put her in a good mood, Mr Travers!   And I’ve enjoyed our chat too: it’ll be an absolute pleasure to take care of all your money.
We’ll call you in a few days, to
explain a thing or two, once all the funds have been transferred, OK?
Bye now! 

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