Careless talk

Time for a chivalrous gesture.

 


 

No regrets. What you never have, you cannot lose.

 

 

 

Oh dear.  Let’s hope he’s not too rough with her.

 

 


Only a few.  She has more.

 

Many stepdaughters find the arrival of a new parent uncomfortable.  Looks like she’s found a way to deal with that discomfort; indeed transfer it to you.

 

 

 

Ladylike behaviour

A caption from the days before teleworking, of course.  These days busy executives can do a full working day and tawse their husbands as often as needed, all without even leaving the house.



Obviously, men are allowed in the toilets to clean them – but that’s a privilege reserved for the best-behaved and longest-serving residents.




If they put that finding together with the body profile they deduced from the outsized maid outfit also found in your house, they just might get a clear picture of what happened.  Science is great, isn’t it?  Just ask Serena and Alice.

Some people who are generally quite dim can turn out to be brilliant at maths.  Just like some of us with quite high IQs can often be fucking useless stupid morons – or as often as I can afford to pay people to tell me I am, anyway.




He must have very good genes.  Shame there’s no question of them being passed on to the next generation.






Persuasive speech

Ooh!  A potential ally. That’s rare: so few women take men’s lib seriously.



You can’t put a price on job satisfaction.



 

Don’t worry, I’m sure she can’t trace your IP address.  Just keep reading Contemplating the Divine… everything’ll be fine.

 

 

He doesn’t need to renew his vows to her, of course.  I mean, she’s not going to release him from them, or anything.


 

 

Oh well.  No real harm done.  You do look a bit like No. 23, actually – I don’t know whether anyone else has ever mentioned that?  But then we all look near-identical… hence the numbers, I suppose.

A kiss on the boot

 …may be quite deferential.  But diamonds


Double what he himself would normally have to pay, that is.  So about six times the going rate for a ‘normal’ client.  But he does get to keep the shoes and ‘normal’ clients don’t get to keep the lady, so I guess he’s ahead.




Very directly.  She’d appreciate short and truthful answers too and frankly you are likely to be gasping and crying out too much to think of (still less articulate) anything complicated.

I think she should just get on with it.  A few little buzzes and he’ll almost certainly find that he agrees with her – on this and on everything.




Probably something to do with swimming. Maybe you can ask her about it later – but I’m sure you’ll both have better ideas for how to spend your wedding night than reliving old school memories.



I think the phrase he’s looking for is “Ma’am yes Ma’am!”.


Supremely confident

Thank goodness he’s around.

 

 

 

My SO can be quite inconsistent on this.  If a tawse or cane she was hoping to use goes missing – or on one memorable occasion the batteries from her favourite cattle-prod – she instantly suspects me and we ‘have a little chat’ about it.  But if a key isn’t where she’d expected it to be it’s ‘just one of those things’ and ‘is bound to turn up in a month or two’.  Women.  Eh? 

 

 

 

As anyone deeply familiar with the OWK photographic record will testify: describing an OWK slave as ‘that one with the stupid moustache’ isn’t really specific enough.  They might have to have a lot of slaves punched to be sure to get the right one.  Still, no real harm done if so, I suppose.

 

Am I the only male sub whose first experience of toilet slavery was during the interval during a fully-booked theatrical performance?  I suspect not.

 

 

 

…which is actually true of a lot of things, if you think about it.  As I’m sure you have.  Pervert.

 

 

Her husband, her rules

She doesn’t need any limits, so why would you?


 

 

Actually, the disciplinary spankings can also be part of a healthy, active sex life, as long as it’s understood that it’s not yours.


 

 

 

 

It’s a day to express gratitude, so don’t forget to do that. Oh – and to count, too.

 

 

 

Don’t worry: ‘the good bit’ goes on for a long time.



When she says she ‘doesn’t believe a word of it’ she means the story, obviously.  She fully agrees with the statement that was actually tattooed on.


 

Blonde justice

And if she gets what she wants, you might get what you want.  Or you might not.

 

 

 

 

Erm… oh, I’ve got one!  “What do you say to a blonde disciplinarian with a tawse when you’re strapped across her ugly whipping bench vaulting horse?  Nothing: you just scream and cry out hysterically in between gasps for breath!”  Well… she finds it funny.  Mildly amusing, anyway.

 

 

 

She doesn’t want to, and yet…

 

 

 

 

Don’t worry – she’s very imaginative, so it’s only going to be on the rarest occasions that you’ll have to fall back on the boring old trope of male ejaculation.

 



I’d expected this was going to lead to an uncomfortable conversation but it seems she’s decided to skip the conversation part.



 

Domestic goddesses

 

She didn’t actually write all of the lyrics herself of course, but she suggested the basic themes.

 

 

 

Don’t feel bad about the waste of electricity, though: no electricity used by a woman to shock a man is ever truly wasted.

 


 


And if you don’t like the red colour, the marks come in purple and black too as long as you go long enough.

The goddess on the left is the lovely Miss Zoe.  The one on the right is not.


She was a spectacularly naughty schoolgirl, I’ve heard.



 

Well, my arm’s not tired either, so why shouldn’t I?  Honestly, women say the strangest – ah, no, let me go, please Ma’am, don’t!

 

 

And the Government shall be upon her shoulders

 

Sir
Reginald Horner

Knelt
in the corner

Worried
about his career.

He
feared he’d be late

For
the Budget debate

But
his Nanny was keeping him here.

 

In
the House, with disdain

He’d
rise up, to explain

That
an increase in Health Service pay

While
undoubtedly right,

Was
not on, in the light

Of
the fiscal position today.

 

Nanny
Strict, with her feet up

Read,
over her tea cup

Her
paper: the politics page.

She
was thinking of days

Lost
in memory’s haze

As
a staff-nurse, on minimum wage.

 

 

 

So she picked up her tawse

To
prepare for a course

In
arithmetic: “Stretch out your arm!”

Take
a nurse’s base pay
(thwack!)

Then
take taxes away
(thwack!)

And
you’re left with a hot stinging palm!

 

Here’s
another quick sum

Take
one fat fleshy bum

Add
twelve strokes from a long rattan cane

Then
if feeling contrition

You
can check your addition

And
add up the budget again.”

 


 

All
the MPs were stunned

By
Sir Reggie’s new fund

To
pay nurses twice what they now earn.

Then
he winced as he sat

And
they wondered at that

What
had led to this sudden U-turn?

 

“I
just felt nurses’ pain”

He
explained, in the rain

Interviewed,
by the TV and press.

This award, you might call

It… a ‘tribute’, that’s all

I
could not sit at ease giving less!”

 

The
rest is just history:

Whatever
the mystery

That
changed his decision
back then.

All
the experts agree

That
this speech was the key

To
his new house in Downing St: ten.

 


 

As
PM he has access

To
experts on taxes,

Defence,
Home and Foreign Affairs.

But
he likes to defer

For the last word, to… ‘her’:

To
his ‘Special Adviser’ upstairs.

 

Now every decision’s

Thrashed out with
precision:

The
smack of firm government’s here.

Yet bad luck for the Right

(Who
should cherish the sight):

It’s
the
Nanny
State that they so fear.

 


 

Uncivil partnerships

 

 

It’s a mere technicality.

 

 


 

A lot of men who are initially reluctant to wear shock collars end up thanking their wives for it, I understand, so there’s really no reason not to give it a go.

 

 

 

There’s nothing worse than calling your domme by the wrong name, is there?  Well… Obviously, there is something worse, which is what happens next when you do – but I’m sure you know what I mean.


More and more women carry tasers to ward off unwanted sexual advances.  Even a few years back, when I was dating, I’d estimate maybe 40% of them did.





 

Thank goodness.  Finally a chance to put my side of the story!


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