Careless talk

Time for a chivalrous gesture.



No regrets. What you never have, you cannot lose.




Oh dear.  Let’s hope he’s not too rough with her.



Only a few.  She has more.


Many stepdaughters find the arrival of a new parent uncomfortable.  Looks like she’s found a way to deal with that discomfort; indeed transfer it to you.




Ladylike behaviour

A caption from the days before teleworking, of course.  These days busy executives can do a full working day and tawse their husbands as often as needed, all without even leaving the house.

Obviously, men are allowed in the toilets to clean them – but that’s a privilege reserved for the best-behaved and longest-serving residents.

If they put that finding together with the body profile they deduced from the outsized maid outfit also found in your house, they just might get a clear picture of what happened.  Science is great, isn’t it?  Just ask Serena and Alice.

Some people who are generally quite dim can turn out to be brilliant at maths.  Just like some of us with quite high IQs can often be fucking useless stupid morons – or as often as I can afford to pay people to tell me I am, anyway.

He must have very good genes.  Shame there’s no question of them being passed on to the next generation.

Persuasive speech

Ooh!  A potential ally. That’s rare: so few women take men’s lib seriously.

You can’t put a price on job satisfaction.


Don’t worry, I’m sure she can’t trace your IP address.  Just keep reading Contemplating the Divine… everything’ll be fine.



He doesn’t need to renew his vows to her, of course.  I mean, she’s not going to release him from them, or anything.



Oh well.  No real harm done.  You do look a bit like No. 23, actually – I don’t know whether anyone else has ever mentioned that?  But then we all look near-identical… hence the numbers, I suppose.

A kiss on the boot

 …may be quite deferential.  But diamonds

Double what he himself would normally have to pay, that is.  So about six times the going rate for a ‘normal’ client.  But he does get to keep the shoes and ‘normal’ clients don’t get to keep the lady, so I guess he’s ahead.

Very directly.  She’d appreciate short and truthful answers too and frankly you are likely to be gasping and crying out too much to think of (still less articulate) anything complicated.

I think she should just get on with it.  A few little buzzes and he’ll almost certainly find that he agrees with her – on this and on everything.

Probably something to do with swimming. Maybe you can ask her about it later – but I’m sure you’ll both have better ideas for how to spend your wedding night than reliving old school memories.

I think the phrase he’s looking for is “Ma’am yes Ma’am!”.

Supremely confident

Thank goodness he’s around.




My SO can be quite inconsistent on this.  If a tawse or cane she was hoping to use goes missing – or on one memorable occasion the batteries from her favourite cattle-prod – she instantly suspects me and we ‘have a little chat’ about it.  But if a key isn’t where she’d expected it to be it’s ‘just one of those things’ and ‘is bound to turn up in a month or two’.  Women.  Eh? 




As anyone deeply familiar with the OWK photographic record will testify: describing an OWK slave as ‘that one with the stupid moustache’ isn’t really specific enough.  They might have to have a lot of slaves punched to be sure to get the right one.  Still, no real harm done if so, I suppose.


Am I the only male sub whose first experience of toilet slavery was during the interval during a fully-booked theatrical performance?  I suspect not.




…which is actually true of a lot of things, if you think about it.  As I’m sure you have.  Pervert.



Her husband, her rules

She doesn’t need any limits, so why would you?



Actually, the disciplinary spankings can also be part of a healthy, active sex life, as long as it’s understood that it’s not yours.





It’s a day to express gratitude, so don’t forget to do that. Oh – and to count, too.




Don’t worry: ‘the good bit’ goes on for a long time.

When she says she ‘doesn’t believe a word of it’ she means the story, obviously.  She fully agrees with the statement that was actually tattooed on.


Blonde justice

And if she gets what she wants, you might get what you want.  Or you might not.





Erm… oh, I’ve got one!  “What do you say to a blonde disciplinarian with a tawse when you’re strapped across her ugly whipping bench vaulting horse?  Nothing: you just scream and cry out hysterically in between gasps for breath!”  Well… she finds it funny.  Mildly amusing, anyway.




She doesn’t want to, and yet…





Don’t worry – she’s very imaginative, so it’s only going to be on the rarest occasions that you’ll have to fall back on the boring old trope of male ejaculation.


I’d expected this was going to lead to an uncomfortable conversation but it seems she’s decided to skip the conversation part.


Domestic goddesses


She didn’t actually write all of the lyrics herself of course, but she suggested the basic themes.




Don’t feel bad about the waste of electricity, though: no electricity used by a woman to shock a man is ever truly wasted.



And if you don’t like the red colour, the marks come in purple and black too as long as you go long enough.

The goddess on the left is the lovely Miss Zoe.  The one on the right is not.

She was a spectacularly naughty schoolgirl, I’ve heard.


Well, my arm’s not tired either, so why shouldn’t I?  Honestly, women say the strangest – ah, no, let me go, please Ma’am, don’t!



And the Government shall be upon her shoulders


Reginald Horner

in the corner

about his career.

feared he’d be late

the Budget debate

his Nanny was keeping him here.


the House, with disdain

rise up, to explain

an increase in Health Service pay

undoubtedly right,

not on, in the light

the fiscal position today.


Strict, with her feet up

over her tea cup

paper: the politics page.

was thinking of days

in memory’s haze

a staff-nurse, on minimum wage.




So she picked up her tawse

prepare for a course

arithmetic: “Stretch out your arm!”

a nurse’s base pay

take taxes away

you’re left with a hot stinging palm!


another quick sum

one fat fleshy bum

twelve strokes from a long rattan cane

if feeling contrition

can check your addition

add up the budget again.”



the MPs were stunned

Sir Reggie’s new fund

pay nurses twice what they now earn.

he winced as he sat

they wondered at that

had led to this sudden U-turn?


just felt nurses’ pain”

explained, in the rain

by the TV and press.

This award, you might call

It… a ‘tribute’, that’s all

could not sit at ease giving less!”


rest is just history:

the mystery

changed his decision
back then.

the experts agree

this speech was the key

his new house in Downing St: ten.



PM he has access

experts on taxes,

Home and Foreign Affairs.

he likes to defer

For the last word, to… ‘her’:

his ‘Special Adviser’ upstairs.


Now every decision’s

Thrashed out with

smack of firm government’s here.

Yet bad luck for the Right

should cherish the sight):

State that they so fear.



Uncivil partnerships



It’s a mere technicality.




A lot of men who are initially reluctant to wear shock collars end up thanking their wives for it, I understand, so there’s really no reason not to give it a go.




There’s nothing worse than calling your domme by the wrong name, is there?  Well… Obviously, there is something worse, which is what happens next when you do – but I’m sure you know what I mean.

More and more women carry tasers to ward off unwanted sexual advances.  Even a few years back, when I was dating, I’d estimate maybe 40% of them did.


Thank goodness.  Finally a chance to put my side of the story!

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