paddle – Contemplating the divine

Some women bear children in strength

‘Tis Mothers’ Day!* So we celebrate all mothers, mother-in-laws, stepmothers and other females prepared to take young lads, or older ones for that matter, firmly in hand.

*Yes ’tis, ’tisn’t in May. Not in Britain, we prefer our Mothering Sundays cold and miserable, to match our outlook on life.

Actually, Mum prefers old-fashioned methods to using electric shock collars, but she’s got enough respect for her daughter to take the remote in the spirit it’s offered.

There could be many, many things. He should try gasping a few of them out.

I’m sure she’ll be understanding about your being so late. She understands men very well, very well indeed.

I wonder what present she’s got? Something to get the marriage off to the best possible start, I imagine.

It’s sadly rare in modern societies for a mother-in-law to take some of the responsibility for a husband’s upbringing, but it can be so important.

…until you’re spoken to

Sometimes she appreciates having a man around, to help out.

She may be better-informed than him now, but she’s working hard to bring him up to speed.

The lovely Zoe Page, of course. You knew that, right? She gave me a wonderful post-spanking cuddle once, but her femdom persona these days is a little harder-edged.

Castration fetishes are perfectly healthy as long as they’re not taken too far, of course. Keep it safe: just the genitals, yeah? Removing any other bits would be too extreme.

He gets better food too. The gourmet stuff that comes in sachets.

They have a very flexible monthly payment scheme: basically she just decides how much she and her friends want and texts you to transfer it.

Goodness, I don’t know *what* you’d do with your money for a month without Kitten, so let’s hope she manages to spend it all today. Fortunately, she’s a pro.

… and finally, because it’s not particularly femdom, we’ll call this one an extra:

Careless talk

Costs… quite a lot. If you want her to pretend to care, that’ll be extra, too.

Well, that’s rather a dismissive attitude! What a haughty young miss! You know, I think you should say something , you really should. My suggestion would be “Yes Ma’am” but, y’know: you do you.

The nurses have discovered that really vigorous, two-fisted rectal examinations that leave the patient gasping and howling for mercy, can actually have useful therapeutic effects – senior staff nurse Perkins swears she always feels utterly relaxed after a really good one, especially if enjoyed with friends.

My SO always says the first hour’s just for warming up – unless it’s under the cold shower or in the ice bath, obviously.

I think they’re beginning to realise just what it is they can do to a man. Let’s hope that causes them to rethink their attitudes.

Face facts: it’s the only costume you’ve got that isn’t pink.

Well, if as a result they help him see the error of his ways, I suppose it might have been worth it. That and all the money they’re blackmailing him for, I mean.

Don’t worry, she’s not going to hurt you

…without good reason.

Boundaries are important in a D/S relationship. For example, my SO sets rigid boundaries for what I am allowed to do, think or say and in return, she has agreed never to do anything to me that she doesn’t want to.

Sadly, it’s not anything healthy and natural, from Goddess Nature’s good brown mud. It’s something that some thoughtless boorish littering male discarded, without a thought as to the harm it might do to any poor dumb creature that eats it.

He’ll be brokenhearted if she rejects him, as alas the great majority are rejected. Of course, the successful ones have their hearts broken too, albeit more slowly and painfuly.

I expect she’ll get to the bottom of it.

Let us all pray for more of those three, in this terrible world.

That’s the right sort of apology to make when something offensive and sexist – or just plain thoughtless – has been said: quick, heartfelt and complete. Males who aren’t lucky enough to live in female-led relationships just don’t have the practice to be good at apologising – really, really good, I mean.

These are of course the magnificent Goddess Sophia, on (and in) the right there, who has had the discomfort of having to scrape Servitor off the sole of her shoe several times over the years. And Ms Morrigan Hel, on the left, with whom I have not had the pleasure, although she did once walk past a cage I was in.