aprons – Contemplating the divine

Boys will be toys

Maybe I’m just hungry… I expect she’d say that’s because she’s feeding me too often.

Lots of men find it quite hard to turn a woman on, sexually, but if you’re ever lucky enough to meet a real hard-core sadist, you’ll probably find that just doing whatever comes naturally pushes all her buttons in just the right way.

And she’s having sex for both of you now, so it’s quite a lot of work.

Nasty words can leave an unpleasant taste in the mouth.

Bob’s shortlisted for an Oscar, I understand, now. If he wins, I wonder if he’ll put the credit where it is due in his acceptance speech? Behind every successful man, they say…

Painful conversations

They have a 97% record of safe deliveries, so there’s actually very little to worry about, as long as you’ve been a good husband.

And I’m sure Herbert’s is not a cock he’d like suck either! So why on earth are they doing it? Men are odd.

If you’re thinking of trying this, be careful, OK? Those chastity inspectors are no joke. She could lose her keyholder licence and you could lose your… well anyway, just be careful, yeah?

Actually, that’s not quite true. She loves her job, but she’d rather be doing ear, nose and throat surgery. That’s where her real interest lies, but apparently you have to do a stint in every department before you can specialise.

Hmm. It’s tricky, isn’t it?

I can still hear you saying

… you would never break the chain.

Oh, not again…

Do you know, I think I might be so full after all that, I don’t think I could face a dessert? But fortunately, no one cares what I think.

I’ve suffered from a few sexual complaints in my time.

Well, it’s hardly my fault. I mean – I just glanced at her. For two seconds – three, tops!

It’s tough, being a responsible adult. So I’ve heard.

When you’re in a fix

just call for the men in tights!

Well… those are two of her spanking aprons, anyway. She has more.

You never know when you’ll need to do some sudden washing up in the middle of the night.

Hmm.. Turned out they don’t have a vibrator at the reception desk, but they sent up a couple of their room service guys anyway and they were able to sort the problem out, so that was OK. Pretty impressive customers service, I’d say.

Now you see that’s just typical of my wife – she sends me out to buy the stuff but doesn’t tell me what she wants it for! Now I’m going to have to buy both – she hasn’t heard the last of this, you know!

The magic’s still there.