writing lines – Contemplating the divine

Never underestimate the power of male stupidity

It’s a force of nature. So are these ladies, fortunately.

Ah yes: trigonometry. That’s all about how much longer diagonal lines are than horizontal ones, isn’t it? And they’re a lot more painful too, if they overlay the earlier ones.

As the famous quote goes: “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of irritating subs who need to learn their place and not question their Goddess.” Or something like that.

I once told my SO I thought she ought to pay more attention to my opinions, but I stupidly chose a bad moment for it: apparently it’s rude to talk to someone when they’re sitting on the toilet. Fortunately, I don’t think she heard what I was trying to say.

Many men find corner time a frustrating waste of time, but I’m usually happy standing there: thinking of all the things she cares about that I’m not fucking up during those hours.

It’s OK to cry. Which is just as well… I don’t know how I’d cope with marriage if it wasn’t.

So did they. Until they didn’t. Anyway, line-writing *can* be part of a loving female-led relationship: I should know, I’ve written that out hundreds if not thousands of times now.

Sorely mistaken

She enjoys a good laugh – and a good ballbusting, too. Sometimes she likes to enjoy them both together but today she seems to be in a more serious frame of mind.

If you don’t even have to pay for Option B, then I reckon it’s the deal of the century. I pay hundreds of pounds an hour for that.

It’s a dilemma. I’m sure they’ll do the right thing, in the end.

Aren’t males disgusting? No wonder he’s not allowed in the house.

You should be brave and go first, even if it is a bit dark and eerie. Don’t worry: she’ll be right behind you.

With apologies to those readers who aren’t really cellar fans.

She has to deal with so much nonsense…. you can’t imagine.There are some very sick websites out there that will just make up all kinds of hurtful stuff with no basis in reality, especially about a big star like Ann(i)e.

Without discipline, there’s no life at all

Katharine Hepburn said that. And this [edit] is a picture of Audrey Hepburn, so the picture, like the Hepburns, is unrelated. Thanks to Downlow, low down in the comments for pointing this out. I’ll get me coat…

I’d have to say yes please. Ma’am.

“Readers” with an interest in Hollywood actresses may want to check the blog this coming Sunday. Just saying…

Don’t worry, it’s never too late to fill in any gaps in your schooling. I mean, I went to a school that didn’t have corporal punishment but look at me now.

Like many women, she’s discovered she doesn’t need high heels to come across as assetive and commanding.

I’m not sure she’s taking this seriously enough. She ought to have realised already that you *did* tell them how you felt about it, repeatedly, throughout the nine hours. Not quietly, true, but they were definitely told.

Silly Raoul. I hope he doesn’t feel too embarassed about his mistake, watching her play while busting out all over the place. Maybe she can find some way of cheering him up, in the breaks between sets.

Let the joy enter and fill your whole being.

Ladylike behaviour

A caption from the days before teleworking, of course. These days busy executives can do a full working day and tawse their husbands as often as needed, all without even leaving the house.

Obviously, men are allowed in the toilets to clean them – but that’s a privilege reserved for the best-behaved and longest-serving residents.

If they put that finding together with the body profile they deduced from the outsized maid outfit also found in your house, they just might get a clear picture of what happened. Science is great, isn’t it? Just ask Serena and Alice.

Some people who are generally quite dim can turn out to be brilliant at maths. Just like some of us with quite high IQs can often be fucking useless stupid morons – or as often as I can afford to pay people to tell me I am, anyway.

He must have very good genes. Shame there’s no question of them being passed on to the next generation.

Savage elegance

… and elegant savagery too. Both are good.

She’s being remarkably patient with you, but patience has its limits you know.

I’m not sure it’s entirely sensible to assign such an important task to someone who is obviously completely unqualified and inexperienced. Those plants need just the right amount of water: too much and they drown, too little and they dry out.

He’ll have plenty of opportunity to think about it, which is just as well, given he is male.

Poor Treasure… I’m sure she is wracked with paroxysms of guilt. Maybe she needs a kiss and a cuddle, hmm?

Girl talk… good thing the guys have got more important things to be getting on with, than sitting around listening to her prattle on.

Sustained abjection

She loses track. Does it matter?

Oh dear, I hate to see women using their sexual wiles to swindle some poor chap. Why not learn an honest trade like findomming and just take his money in exchange for the privilege of being openly mocked or simply ignored? Then they’d be using their talents to contribute something to society, you know?

He must be very grateful.

Safety first – sure,everybody knows that’s rule number one in BDSM play, but what’s less often remarked is how important it can be in non-consensual revenge torture too.

People’s definitions of physical sexual intercourse vary. I use my body to pleasure the lady in my life by writhing around in agony, screaming, occasionally losing minor body parts and so on. Is that ‘sexual intercourse’, strictly speaking? Does it really matter how we define the activity, as long as she enjoys it and no harm is caused to anyone who matters?

Her object all sublime

And they say romance is dead.

Remarkably, it’s still valid in the UK even after Brexit, as that Convention is not an EU instrument – indeed it predates it, having come into existence in 1953. Not particularly amusing, sexy or femdommy but actually true (see – you get a lot of useful information from this blog, as well as useless nonsense). You might wonder, therefore, whether she actually has any legal justification to ban the invocation of the Convention in session – but I advise you to take that up with her.

They have a standard service charge of 175% for pay-piggies. But you should tip, too.

Many men’s misconceptions about lesbian sex actually have a biological basis: specifically, their brains are too small to understand it.

It’s good that she gets a chance to practice in a safe environment, where it really doesn’t matter if anything goes wrong.

Extra one that I’ll push out there while it’s still a bit topical:

Despotic fantasies


Yes. Much improved.

A scene from Horrible Bosses (or its sequel): movies exploring the premise that being sexually harassed by Jennifer Aniston wearing a dentist’s outfit would be just awful. As obviously it… hang on. I think you don’t even have to be submissive to like the thought of that, do you? And if you are…

Isolated even if not technically self-isolated. Very safe.

The important thing is to get you crying in pain – then the other stuff will be easy enough to sort out.

The smell will probably get them in the mood for the barbecue at the Reception, too.

And yet also how slowly.

It feels so wrong it must be right

You’d thing she’d at least bother to write a fresh one, instead of bringing out the same piece of paper every time. This is how marriages go stale, you know.

They’re probably thinking that with so many slaves to deal with simultaneously, it won’t be so bad for any one of them. They’d be wrong about that, but it’s a comforting thought while they wait.

If she has to say no, you have to wait. Or even if she doesn’t have to, but wants to anyway.

It’s good she’s stepping in to help with the scheduling. My SO sometimes says she despairs of finding enough time for all of the punishment that I deserve, but somehow she always manages, bless her.

She’s actually done quite a few things that – when he finds out about them – he will consider to be very easy to criticise. But he won’t be permitted to do so.

Youngers and betters

Memo to self: stop using the phrase “there’s nothing worse than X” in front of SO. She takes it as a personal challenge.

You’ll soon discover that a day with no whipping at all is a special day. Very special.

Don’t worry, they’re not having you castrated and lobotomised until after the marriage. Just after: between the ceremony and the reception. You can think of it as your wedding gift to them.

Poor old Simon – doesn’t get to see the sexy lingerie! And to think she was worried you might be jealous of him.


Appendectomy: of course. After all, that nurse would hardly have shaved his groin area this morning if it was his throat that was being operated on, now would she?