Oh, hi – is that Mr Harris?
Good morning, it’s Lisa here from Megabank Card Services.
I’m very well, thank you.
Now the reason I’m calling, is our fraud detection system flagged some
of your credit card transactions as unusual, so I just wanted to check that
those were really you. It’s probably
fine, but we just need to check.
OK, so can I just run through some recent items?
Right, now on
Thursday you purchased two books from Amazon?
“Dealing with sexual failure” was one I think, and “Spanked in front of
the girls”? OK, fine.
Then the next day, I’ve got a purchase of a web subscription,
3 months non-recurring, to “Diaper boys and strict nannies”? And then a
purchase of premium access to the same site, two hours later?
Fine. And then the next evening there’s a charge for “Samantha
Strict’s chatline”? No? Oh – that wasn’t you? Are you sure? OK, well we’d better log that. Only there’s several, you see. There was “Small penis humiliation”, for £45,
then two hours later I’ve got “Wank on my command”. So I’d better alert our fraud department, and
start a –
– what’s that? Oh they
were you? That’s fine then, because…oh
yes, don’t worry. It’s strange how quickly we can forget these things, isn’t it? It’s just as well, because
there was another this morning: “Piss
boy humiliation”. Oh – and one’s just
popped up on screen from this afternoon: “Beg to cum”. That’s probably why your number was engaged when we
called 10 minutes ago – you’d have been just finishing that one off, I expect.
OK, well if that’s all fine, I can clear the suspected fraud
flag. They can update your profile, you
see, so that similar purchases won’t set off the warnings. That way I won’t need to keep bothering you
by phoning up – I expect you’ve got better things to do!
And your profile will be updated throughout the bank’s
systems. That way we can provide you with
better, more personalised financial products and offers, you see. Whenever you call, or if you drop into the
bank, whoever you’re talking to will have all your details in front of them on
the screen, so they’ll know exactly who they’re dealing with.
Now, is there anything else I can do for you today?
No, not at all. My
pleasure. Bye now!
