heels – Contemplating the divine

Woman’s inhumanity to man

Which is obviously fine, humanity being properly reserved for humans not apes or maggots.

I’ve heard the trick is to think about other things, OK? The two weeks will fly by. Now hurry up with that lotion: she’s waiting.

And if you’re *not* actually her 4 o’clock pervert, just go on up anyway. She isn’t particular.

Realistic goals, firm boundaries, severe consequences. Secret of a happy marriage, right?

She’s right, they’re already starting to look ugly and horrible.

Particularly disappointing given the ants’ matriatrchal society. You’d think they’d at least have a nibble… ant cannot live on honey alone.

Even the grimmest, most unpleasant situations can benefit from a little joke, he always used to say.

Incidentally, my captions here often feature the wonderful Mistress Eleise (with whom I had the pleasure and pain in Paris of a session or three) objecting to blonde jokes. But that’s just my invention. Maybe she really likes them, collects them and treasures examples in which the blonde is being particularly dumb? If anyone visits Canada and if she’s still working, do try a few out and let us know how it goes.

Violence and philogyny

She doesn’t want to hurt you any more than she has to.

This lady, in contrast, almost certainly does want to hurt you a lot more than she has to and she probably will. Just go with it.

Curiously enough, her own mother went on to marry Nigel. Quite the blended brutal and abusive relationship, there.

Alison might hire himbos but they work very hard, particularly around performance evaluation time, as she employs some very effective management techniques.

An open relationship on both sides, of course. She sleeps with anyone she chooses and you sleep with anyone she chooses, too.

Say what you like about findommes (unless you’re in a relationship with one, in which case you can keep it respectful or shut the fuck up), they don’t try to sell you overpriced extended warranties.

Just do as you’re told

I mean, how hard can that be?

Don’t worry: you won’t have to say much. Counting and thanking for the most part, maybe a few hundred words of apology and gratitude at the end.

Don’t you always feel uncomfortable, on the outskirts of a conversation like this? I do.

Of course it’s fair. Every ten weeks (subject to good behaviour, obvs)? That sounds like a non-stop sex party, as far as I’m concerned.

I’m told that the trick to buying a car in America (yes, it’s American – see, they put the steering wheel on the wrong side? Oh – and that blue jacket too…), is to negotiate on price and hold out for a good bargain. Just be aware, though, that that same tactic is absolutely catastrophic when approaching a findomme.

Thank goodness the only face we can see is the lovely one of Princess Kali.

Still lovely, still here.

In fairness, Sissy usually gets to go to bed a lot earlier than Mistress, too.

Up to her

How can the shopping trip be over when your credit cards are all still below their limits?

Make sure you get a receipt. It’s not that she doesn’t trust you, but £20 is four times your weekly allowance and she doesn’t want you to have to face that kind of temptation.

Men who try reading snip-lit are often disappointed – expecting it to be full of descriptions of vicious gadgets and gore. But women are actually much more interested in the character development. Sure, she’s tied him to the bed and she’s slowly castrating him, but how is that going to make her feel?

It’s actually quite common for the woman to provide most of the love in the relationship.

Oh, and that scene you wrote where she’s standing on your back? Just be a love and make sure there’s a firm hand-hold out of camera shot, will you?

Look at that happy face. Isn’t that worth just a little pain, hmm? Of course it is. So having established that, if instead it’s a lot of pain she inflicts, we’re really only haggling about the price, not the basic principle, right?

Managing partners

It was kind of her to warn you. Sadly, she’s out of kindness now.

Many people get quite nervous, going on live TV for the first time. But ‘Goddess’ here doesn’t get nervous and while ‘submissive worm’ certainly does, he long ago learned to focus his fear on what – or who – really matters.

Don’t worry, it won’t all be vegetables. She has tins of various meat products too, some with marrowbone jelly.

Of course, the sissy who is complaining here could always use his own safeword. Mistress is very committed to consensual BDSM and allows her sissies to safeword any activity they don’t like. But we’re only a couple of months into the year and he’s learnt it’s best to save it for something really brutal, rather than face ten months with no recourse except pathetic pleading.

Try asking about her hobbies over dinner… it’s boring just hearing about someone’s work, anyway.

The more cruelly she treats him

“…and the more faithless she is, the worse she uses him, the more wantonly she plays with him, the less pity she shows him, by so much the more will she increase his desire, be loved, worshipped by him.” The Founder himself said that, in Venus in Furs. He was right, although I don’t suppose Wanda thought any more of him as a result.

She’s trying her best to make this chastity regime work but you at least have to meet her halfway.

Good thing he warned her, or this could turn out to be a lot more painful than he’d expected.

He may be dying a virgin but he can be happy that he’s provided a woman with sexual fulfillment, even if only in his agonised dying moments. So there’s that.

If you think an affectionate little peck on her shoe is embarassing in public, try being slapped in public. Just not doing the kiss should be enough to bring it on.

I’m one of those people who can’t be hypnotised. Some say it’s a willpower thing, but as a sub it’s hard for me to believe that. A few people are just immune and that’s that. Back when I was a smoker, my girlfriend at the time persuaded me to go to a hypnotherapist she knew and the smoking craving was just as strong after the session as before. As it happens I *did* give up smoking soon after, but that was because I couldn’t really afford it, because I suddenly realised, that very evening, that I wanted to start handing over 75% of my income to my girlfriend. So it was just coincidence that it was right after the session with the hypnotist. It was difficult, but I managed to give up the cigarettes, entirely on my own, even though I decided I should be buying a pack daily for her new boyfriend, soon after. Maybe it is willpower, after all.

Pro tip: arguing that you weren’t, in this situation, is a losing proposition.

The things you do that tease and hurt me bad

It’s the way you do the things you do to me.

Sounds like she’s making a lot of effort to make this relationship work – I hope you’re duly grateful.

Don’t worry about presuming on their hospitality. They have an obligation to take in any male travellers who wander their way. Only to take them in, you understand, not to let them out again.

Trouble is, you were planning to cook something special for your anniversary, weren’t you? Oh well, probably better another day anyway. The kind of guys she brings home don’t generally have sophisticated culinary tastes.

I tried going on a humiliatrix dinner-date with a pro-domme once but she decided it wasn’t working between us and left just after we’d ordered the food. So, really no different from an ordinary date… I felt a bit of a fool for paying her so much, to be honest.

Your explanation should include the words ‘laziness’ and ‘incompetence’.

Don’t worry, she won’t visit very often.

PS, fans of old British femdom mags and of quirky mainstream takes on our little hobby might be interested in Alf Garnett discusses Cruella, over on Mr Rogue-Hagen’s magnificent Cruella site. Alf Garnett was the British inspiration for Archie Bunker, for American ‘readers’: an old man satirising right-wing views in absurd ill-informed bigoted rants. Nowadays of course, our political leaders do that themselves, so there is no need for such stuff.