Memories, reposted for technical reasons

Apologies – not a new post. For a long time I have been getting 4-5 obviously automated and spammy comments per day, all of them on this post which was published on June 15th. I don’t want to restrict commenting, so I have been deleting them manually. But it’s getting worse and today I got about 30. All on the one post… which is pretty f***ing stupid even for an algorithm. As of now I don’t get such spam on any other posts.

Yeah, I do have a spam filter but these comments get past it. They’re all from different usernames, they are marginally plausible looking text (“Hi, I really like this blog, so well written” kind of thing, but with numerous variations) and they come from various domains.

So… desperate measures and all that. I deleted the original post and I am creating a new post here with the same content. I hope that this will result in the algorithm not being able to comment at all… rather than being unable to comment on this post, it starts trying to comment on other posts. If it does, then with apologies I’ll have to do something like start pre-approving comments etc. But for now, let’s just see how we do.

Some of the generic messages are actually quite funny, given the content of the blog and the post below especially. e.g. “My co-workers think I’m wasting too much time reading this blog, but it gives me so much useful information for my life.” I’d certainly like to have seen the spammer who designed the algorithm spend some time in the OWK.

Yes, it’s time for more of those highly inaccurate (and entirely made-up) reminiscences by the very first contingent of Ladies from the Other World Kingdom. Blatant homage or affectionate rip-off? Or should that be the other way around? You decide. Or don’t, if you’d rather not.

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An unfair crack of the whip

It’s the best kind.

Oh, I don’t know. He looks enviably lucky to me.
She’s quite wrong about that: Mark will derive no sexual pleasure at all from spanking you. He’s actually rather gentle and vanilla when it comes to sex, despite his aggressive and violent persona.
I think it shows a lack of ambition on her part, assuming you’ve fucked up like that. My SO wants me to excel in my work, and is never satisfied with anything other than a perfect 10 on all my tasks. One day perhaps I’ll even manage it.
Their service takes care of the basic everyday money extraction aspects of findomme, leaving ladies to concentrate on what they’re really good at: spending it.
Oh well, as long as I’m not the only one dressed like that. Don’t you just hate it when you turn up to some event and you’re the only one naked except for your collar and leash? I know I do.

Bending to her will

Let’s hope Julie’s not still upset about that bad performance review.  Sometimes feedback can be unpleasant and hard to take – but it just has to be accepted. I hope she understands that.
Remember you’re an individual: you’re not defined entirely by what’s written on your collar.
Ah, teenage masturbation!  Goodness, that seems so long ago now.  How lucky I am that my SO has put all that well and truly behind me.
The boots are a lot tastier than the airline food.
The female orgasm can be a mysterious – and very painful – thing.

Whipping posts

Also, she finds the whole idea of ‘going easy’ a bit uncomfortable.  Dommes have their hard limits too, you know.
And there’s so much space for them too.
An EU delegation once visited to check that the OWK itself conformed to the relevant safety standards. I understand the ladies achieved a perfect score, in not conforming to a single one, but it is hard to say for sure as neither the report nor the delegation were ever released.
As my SO likes to point out: she is being merciful.  A fact for which I am truly grateful.
Dommes can be a bit highly-strung. It’s probably the uncomfortable clothing.

 This is the magnificently magnificent Gigi Allens.  Who also makes vanilla porn movies – which is a sad waste of a powerful talent, but at least shows us what we are all missing and always shall.

To err is male

 … to chastise, divine.

 

Well… at least until it stops stretching, obviously. Otherwise why go to all that trouble?

 

 

 

She’s smiling but she’s crying inside.  Don’t make this harder for her.

 


Thank goodness (and her) for that.


My SO generally prefers me to be silent – except when I’m strapped down onto the whipping bench, when she usually removes my gag. It’s her opportunity to hear how how I’m feeling.




Lots of older men seek to relive their youth, with attractive young women.  Looks like Timmy has hit the jackpot.






Perilous prose

You have to slap pretty hard to get the ketchup sachet to burst open.  But then you have to slap pretty hard anyway – she insists on it – so don’t worry about that. Worry about other things.


And she’ll make sure you’re penciled in for one of the first slots available in her schedule after her holiday, OK?



 

I once told a domme I couldn’t really cope with public humiliation and she just looked at me strangely and asked how I managed in day to day life, never leaving the house.  I think she must have misunderstood me.


 

 

Don’t worry, her travel insurance will make sure she gets all the money she needs after your tragic and unexplained disappearance.

 

 

 

My SO once had an affair with a lesbian sub and I was over the moon, because I thought finally there’d be another submissive to share the chores.  But apparently lesbian D/S “doesn’t work like that”.  And the attitude to chastity play was a bit different too… a lot different, if I’m honest.

 

Oblivion is all you crave

Goodness me, I remember adoring (and by ‘adoring’, dear readers, I mean surreptitiously masturbating to) the Robert Palmer video of Addicted to Love from which that title is taken, when it first came out in 1985.  But generally when I trace my 80’s obsessions (= things I masturbated to) they are blurry messes*, much like my brain at the time.  But this has been digitally re-mistressed in HD remarkably well.  Worth a look.

Of course, as everyone likes to note, the models in the video were famously unconvincing as musicians. All of them lost the beat at various points (just look at their legs – no hardship that – around 1.25) and the second from the right never seems to have found it (and plays the guitar by tickling it), while the drummer acts as if her drums asked her not to leave any marks, before the session started.  Wikipedia says that a musician hired to teach them how to do it gave up after about an hour and left, and rumour has it (but I can’t see it) that if you look really closely you can see them mouthing “one-two-three-four… one-two-three-four…” as they do the moves.

But that’s the point!  It’s like my occasional captions featuring wildly ignorant or uninformed ladies acting out school scenes, thrashing their clients for providing what were actually the right answers**.  They can be totally incompetent but they are still infinitely superior goddesses to be worshiped absolutely.  They don’t need to earn that adoration in any way whatsoever.***

That’s my philosophy, anyway.  Maybe not up there with Socrates or Kant but it works for me.

Stop blithering and get on with the captioned images, you say?  Why of course.


Servitor top tip: any conversation featuring the words ‘scrotal clamps’ is bound to be a little uncomfortable.  Just go with it.

I hope the other one doesn’t get jealous.


Why experience a pointless and meaningless death when instead you can devote the – short and agonising – remainder of your life to making someone happy?

I’ve always been lucky that way.  From my very first date, actually.



He’s rather forgettable.  Sometimes that serves him in good stead, as being noticed too much can be painful.




* Oh God, The Dominatrix Sleeps Tonight.  So… about the first 30 seconds of that featured on some BBC music show when I was a teenager… and then stopped! AAAAH! And there was no Internet, dear children, and the only way you could see a music video was if some TV show chose to play it.  And I had never, ever seen any actual porn featuring an actual dominatrix, just that one glimpse (with heart thudding) of Valerie in that Pink Panther and… and… I watched music TV obsessively for years just in the hope that… and it never… oh, it was a different world, dear children, a different world.


** There’s a few of them.  This for instance – way back when! That earned me several comments helpfully pointing out that Sydney is not actually the… oh well.  Second in popularity only to the opposite theme, of dommes taking school sessions way too seriously and trying to impart actual knowledge.

 

*** The goddesses, according to Wikipedia , are “Julie Pankhurst (keyboard), Patty Kelly (guitar), Mak Gilchrist (bass guitar), Julia Bolino (guitar), and Kathy Davies (drums).”


**** As it is nearly Christmas, let’s have a little look at the parody in Love, Actually, too shall we? Yes, we’ll do that. And that is still lower video quality than the re-mistressed Palmer video!  But the goddesses are goddesses and that’s the main thing.

 

***** Yes, I know there’s no asterisk marks beyond three in the main text above.  But sometimes you start something and it’s hard to stop.


****** Readers based in (or prepared to undergo any amount of travel time to) the UK, who find the look of the goddesses in this video exciting, might be advised to approach (very respectfully indeed) a real-life Goddess, namely Serena.  She is extraordinarily wonderful and indeed used to be a model.

Destructive criticism


I was about to say they don’t get very many complaints but I looked into it and apparently they do get lots and lots of complaints, but they’re invariably withdrawn later.  Sometimes by the patients themselves, sometimes by their legal guardians if they’ve been declared mentally incapable.  So that’s all right.

 

Better do what she says.  Really.

 

 

You do have a safeword, of course.  Just use it if it all gets too much, and she’ll stop whatever she was doing immediately and do something else.  This, for instance.

 

 

 

Looks like it’s going to be all talk and no action!  What a disappointment.

 

 

 

You know, they gave him equal billing with her?  Sometimes the world makes no sense at all.

 

 

Shocking untruths

Communication is at the heart of a healthy relationship, especially if it’s all in one direction.

 

 

 

Always bring a sissy when you’re dogging.  It’s nicer for the guys as well, if they fancy swinging both ways. Or just hitting someone.


 

Don’t worry: that doctor won’t lie on an official medical form, just because she asks him to.  Only if Lucy asks.  He’s hers, you see. 

 

She’s free and single and yet you’re neither.  But who said life had to be fair?



I’ve half a mind to complain.


 

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