Tools of the matriarchy

Fortunately, Sally has come equipped with all manner of pins, pincers and other sharp objects. Wasn’t that lucky?
You asked her if you could hear a little less ‘Julio says’ so here you are – three days when you won’t have to hear that bloody phrase once. Maybe even longer.
Sometimes the trickiest ethical questions in philosophy turn out to have remarkably simple solutions in practice.
Keep quiet and maybe they’ll forget you’re there.
Especially if the person in question were hypothetically restrained and unable to do anything about it, no matter how much he – sorry, they – hypothetically screamed and pleaded?
She’d worry she wasn’t doing it right, if you weren’t crying.

Uncontrolled devotion

Develop the habit of cringing in terror early enough and everything else pretty much follows.
My SO recently bought a trophy cabinet, so she must be expecting to win something. I asked her what and she just laughed and said it was going to be a surprise. It could be anything, really… I mean she’s good at so many things.
You just have to tell him you’re not doing it any more, that’s all. Stand up for yourself. Be a ma- anyway, stand up for yourself.
If you do have any questions ask now, because when the procedure starts you’ll be screaming much too hard to get any intelligible words out. It’s important that you understand the details of the procedure, as it’s much more fun for them that way.
I’ve got a skilful tongue too – just ask the toilet seat.
He is seriously rich – might even try to bribe them not to go through with it. But they’re professionals: he booked them for four full days of severe school discipline and they’re determined to give him his money’s worth.

The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible

A science fiction theme today, imagining a better tomorrow. Or a worse yesterday.

Particularly surprising, since he wasn’t usually very life-like before.
She’ll reveal her true, horrifying bodily form, if you really want to see it. But not if you don’t – very few men do, oddly enough. Funny how incurious we can be, as a species. Half a species, anyway.
She seems nice. Thank goodness someone believes you, anyway. How awful it would be if robot sex dolls took over the world.

Yes, just awful…

Sounds complicated… I’d better get on, laundry to do.
Vaccine conspiracy theory on Contemplating the Divine? No, not really. I enjoy humiliating myself but come on – even I’m not going to pretend to be that stupid!*
Don’t worry, in time Clare comes to like having the sex doll around. Really, really likes it.

* Vaccine ‘sceptics’ might think I’m being a little unkind. But then, I’m not the one selfishly risking public health because I’m too moronic and arrogant to understand basic scientific concepts, am I?

It’s the song of a merrymaid, peerly proud

Who loved a lord and who laughed aloud
At the moan of the merryman, moping mum
Whose soul was sad and whose glance was glum
Who sipped no sup and who craved no crumb
As he sighed for the love of a la-dy.

I used to wonder how girls could spend so long washing their hair. Then I found out.
Air stewardesses often like to have a sub waiting for them on arrival. After a long flight, they really want someone else serving them drinks and food – and if there’ve been any rude, arrogant passengers on the flight it’s still more important to have access to someone on whom to let off a bit of steam.
There are also consequences for remaining silent when she’s asked something, as well as for lying. So it’s all covered, really.
I hope this jokey little caption doesn’t contribute to that hurtful ‘castrating lesbian’ stereotype. Actually, survey data show that lesbians are, if anything, slightly less enthusiastic about castrating males than are heterosexual women, although there’s only a few percentage points in it.
They seem well-equipped.
Ooh… I hate job interviews. Like, I went to one where the interviewer asked me how I’d react to being slapped across the face and she didn’t even let me finish my answer! I did get the job, as it happens, but frankly that turned out to be a mixed blessing.

Fans of the ‘strict governess’ style of femdom might be interested in skipping to exactly 49 minutes into this 1970s British movie (NB, Russian site if you worry about such things), to reach the section which is about Theresa Berkley, of whipping horse fame. The movie is mostly in that 1970s British sex comedy style (oo-err, Missus, gwarn show us yer knockers!) but this bit is, I think, done quite well as it features the slow scolding build-up and anticipation (a theme I tried to convey in one of my few serious pieces: Waiting). Weirdly enough, although most of the film is knockabout farce, towards the end it takes on the tone of a public information film and features the then living, famous and very serious dominatrix, Monique van Cleef, in a short bit starting at 1:15.45. The 1970s were odd. But then, so are we, aren’t we? Extra trivia: the narrator is Charles Gray, narrator of Rocky Horror (where was his neck?) as well as being the best Blofeld, and Mrs Berkley is Carmen Silvera, who later dominated René in Allo Allo.

Uxoraphobia

Only?
Oh dear, I thought she might have forgotten about that little accident. Still, I expect she isn’t one to hold a grudge. It wasn’t her very best skirt.
She doesn’t like to hurt you any more than she has to.
Well, that doesn’t sound like much of a challenge for her. I hope she doesn’t get bored, poor thing.
I missed out on the era of corporal punishment in schools, but I guess we’re living through a golden age of corporal punishment outside them, so I’ve not done so badly.
Um… yeah. Listen, don’t take what she said to heart, OK? It’s barely noticeable. Really.

…and one I’ll call a bonus as there isn’t necessarily anything femdom about it:

Motivational speech

He’ll have a very clear understanding of who she is by the end of the session.
Anyway, even if people did recognise you, no one’s going to say anything. That’s the nice thing about the Internet: it’s such a trustworthy, forgiving place.
Oh, I’m sure things will improve, she just needs to keep trying. And that’s exactly what she’s planning to do. Anyway, Mario’s waiting so off you go.
I think it’s wonderful that his wife isn’t giving up on him and walking away, but some people are just amazing, aren’t they? I hope she’s finding some time for herself, at least.
As a professional, she can keep the personal clearly separate. For instance, the fact that she finds you contemptible is in no way going to diminish the zeal with which she’ll fight your corner in court. Just don’t expect miracles, yeah?
Nothing worse than a micro-manager, is there? Unless it’s a sadistic micro-manager holding a whip, I suppose.

Queen for ever, ceasing never

Following yonder star.

…and best to put the bowl outside in the garden when it’s getting towards the end of the week, as you wouldn’t want that smell in the house.
Sometimes an enthusiastic amateur can be better than a pro.
Don’t worry: they don’t mean you.
When the ceremony’s over, and they’re leaving the church, it’s traditional to have him thrown from the steeple – and any bridesmaids who want to catch him can keep him.
Many people are opposed to the idea of arbitary power being exercised by unelected young ladies, but I really find it hard to understand why.
Live for the moment, as they say.

Emotional stupidity

In case you’re wondering why I am posting on a Thursday instead of the usual Friday, the answer is ‘rank incompetence – the idiot’s not even able to read a calendar properly, for goodness’ sake!’.

They say great art is 90% perspiration.
She’s a specialist in pain management.
Nice clean shoes – good job! Now, let’s have that chat.
Thank goodness they reminded him – how embarassing it would have been to have had to admit he’d forgotten the anniversay again.
Surprisingly unsurprisingly “People for the Ethical Treatment of Paypigs” just isn’t a thing.
She seems nice. My SO taught me the right way to do laundry by just whipping me without explanation every time it wasn’t right. We got there, but it was a lot of work for her, poor thing.

A feminine touch

Well… doesn’t hurt to ask, does it?
Arguably it should be your father-in-law’s job, but apparently now he’s getting on a bit, his wife’s decided she wants to make sure that every moment of his remaining time with her is spent restrained and in agony, so they could use the help.
Don’t worry, I’m sure the shop assistant will be very understanding. In my experience, they understand perfectly.
He’s certainly getting his money’s worth.
The lovely Mistress Sidonia, of course. An inspiration to everyone who has to do their femdom on a budget: she must have one of the best-equipped facilities in the world but she still knows the value of a wire coat-hanger in really hard-core femdom play.
It’s silly to be squeamsih about a little thing like murdering a male, but some girls are like that.

Uncomfortable fictions

Just pray she’s using the black rubber end, not the golden shiny ball – now that really hurts.
It can take a while, getting used to inlaws’ family traditions. Just go with it – the important thing is your forthcoming marriage, after all. That’s for life.
That’s why you don’t often see snip-lit set out as a separate category at bookshops, but someone once calculated that over 25% of new fiction sold to women features some kind of removal of male genitalia, so it’s a very important theme.
But her hippocratic oath is secure: she’s not harming him; it’s more in the nature of long-overdue radical treatment to improve matters. Anyway, it’s a debatable point wherther the Oath even applies to males – after all, doctors eliminate bacteria and viruses by the millions and men aren’t much different.
I am actually quite good at maths, and once managed to really irritate a domme who had set up a school scene based on arithmetic tests. Furtunately, it turns out that you can be tawsed and caned almost regardless of aptitude, so the session turned out well.
Anyway, she is a queen, so why not have a chair in which to be one? Honestly, journos get hung up on the silliest things.
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