Madame Sarka – Contemplating the divine

All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling

With grovelling apologies to anyone with even the slightest taste, it’s a special OWK poetry day! You see, I – no, come back! Really, it’s not that bad, and anyway at least there are pictures of –

Hello?

Anyone still here?

Oh well, just you and me, then. OWK poetry, anyway, all based on the kind of traditional British canon I learnt (but perhaps suprisingly given my interests did not actually have beaten into me) at school. More difficult than it looks, even done this badly, especially as there is essentially no one-word rhyme in English for ‘kingdom’, or for that matter ‘Owk’.

Just in case any of you are interested, puzzled or just entirely short of better things to do sitting there, as you are, in front of a computer with your trousers down around your ankles, the actual poems these are mangled from are, in order:

How do I love thee?
Jabberwocky
The Tyger
The Waste Land
Elegy written in a country churchyard
To his coy Mistress

Lashing out

In case you’re wondering, I’m not doing April Fool’s Day stuff. I have before.

One year I warned people in advance that the blog was going to feature occasional fem-sub content, then came up with this. And then a year later, ran a feature on those mis-understood (and modest and humble) members of our BDSM community: male doms. Believe me, Contemplating the Divine going M/f is about as likely as the Catholic Church embracing Wicca or a video found on Pornhub being, y’know, any good.

Then another year I did this, which was a bit rubbish but had lots of lovely pictures.

But not this year. No, really. This isn’t some kind of self-referential ‘tell them there’s no April Fool joke but then there is’ thing. Sorry. Just the usual crap.

So much hell to dish out, so little time. People think the life of an OWK Lady is all lazing around eating peeled grapes, but really it’s all go, all the time.

You want know what I think? I think these are very good ideas and she’s right about this, as she is about everything. That’s what I think and I’m determined not to think anything else.

The food’s not as good as at a traditional British boarding school, but other than that the lifestyle’s pretty similar, I understand.

That’s her sweet ‘girl next door’ look. She has some very scared (and lucky) neighbours.

This is the sweet and vanilla Melisande Sin, to be found in a few places in Poland (which Russia would be well advised not to invade because (a) NATO and (b) her).

Still, at least she remembered your anniversary this time.

Unreasonable demands

She’s embarrassed now… but don’t worry, she has coping techniques for that.

Now come on – man up. Remember what you all discussed at the last encounter group? No, no I don’t mean the bit about ironing pleats – about standing up to your wives? Yeah? Right then. Hang on – where are you going? You can’t stand up to her on your knees! Oh for goodness’ sake…

My SO and I have a consensual relationship. I didn’t want to but she insisted.

They’d starve to death, I expect. I mean, more of them would than when the Ladies actually are there, anyway.

This photo is actually a rather sophisticated optical illusion. Many men, seeing it for the first time, don’t notice the slice of pizza, the big red cup, the bottles of water or the coffee maker – even after staring at it for hours. Something to do with how the brain processes images, I understand.

Venging angels

Like many guys, I walk around fully conscious of the big swinging padlock between my legs.

It’s actually a very environmentally-friendly way of disposing of old shoes.

Oh, all right then. Let’s be daring, for a change.

It must be weird being vanilla – you do a sexy maid scene and hardly any floor actually gets scrubbed. I’m not sure I could cope with that kind of unrealistic fantasy.

OWK’s safety record overall was only middling, but that average conceals an important disparity between male and female injuries, the latter being thankfully rare, the former equally thankfully daily.

Girls just wanna have fun

… but in many countries there are still some silly legal restrictions on how they do so. Not on this blog.

I think they’re just not taking this lifesaving course seriously enough.

How does she know?

OWK has strict rules about that. Strict rules about a lot of things, come to think of it – I mean, that’s kind of the point of the place.

She’s thought about it a lot. Often after a luxurious bath, with soft music playing and a glass of wine to hand.

‘Cowering’ is an underrated form of sex play, I reckon. I do a lot of it.

In Goddess we trust

She can make time, though, if need be.

Many men don’t remember but then their lives are busier than his. Not that that’s an excuse, obviously.

No pain, no gain as my SO likes to say.


What’s weird about screaming when you’ve just had your genitals electrocuted? Perfectly normal reaction if you ask me. What’s that? You didn‘t ask me? Oh, OK, then. Sorry.

I hope she doesn’t hurt herself.

…and an extra one, just to be topical. Well… moderately topical, in that it is only a few days out of date. Unless OnlyFans have reversed their policy reversal back again, or something.

Painful recollections

Yes, to celebrate the most depressing public holiday the UK has – the end of what is often with atypical British overstatement referred to as ‘the summer’ – here are more reminiscences from a better-run although oddly misnamed ‘kingdom’.

More OWK ladies reminiscing about the good old days, in other words.

Dungeon crawlers

Many subs don’t realise how much work a good domme will put into preparing for a session. Here, the lovely Lady Jana went to all of the trouble of looking up the translation of an obscure English word – just to make sure his experience was exactly as he had specified – and all he could do afterwards was moan about it. Well, I think it was that he was moaning about, anyway.

Another ungrateful subbie. Seems to be something of a theme today. I mean, quite apart from the sexual gratification he is getting, the value of all that learning is quite literally incalculable.

Now this one at least appears to have the right attitude: asking nicely, saying please and thank you. And he has his reward, see?

Don’t worry if you find it difficult at first: the game of ‘fetch’ might appear simple, but it has hidden complexities. I’ve been playing it together with my SO almost every Sunday afternoon for years now, and I still often get it wrong – as she can readily confirm.

Which is odd, because from my own personal experience (again – and I don’t want to over-generalise, so let me emphasise this is just me): in my own relationship, ‘No’ is about the most reckless and unsafe word it is possible for me to say.

Striking poses

As my SO points out: lots of women enjoy sex with their husbands, she prefers sex without her husband. The difference is only a few letters but it’s a big deal for her, so who am I to argue?

Mmmm … a severe scolding, Mistress?

It’s going to be a special day for her boyfriends too. And their mates.

Of course the OWK had safewords really. In a variety of quite widely-spoken Central European languages, so there was really no excuse for ‘guests’ not knowing how to pronounce them perfectly.

Her kink is not your kink – are you going to make a selfish fuss?

Ladies who leash

Seven days in already, so counting down the days from 21 that’s only 14 to go? Or 83 if it’s 90. Whatever.

Oh, I think – with all due respect – Madame Sarka is being unduly harsh on English, here. But then, she’s really good at being unduly harsh.

Actually, the taste depends a lot more on what it had to eat a few hours earlier.

Sometimes she fills the bag with ice, so as he’s sweating in the heat there, he gets some lovely cool drips of water. Usually, though, she doesn’t.

I’m not worried. Just terrified.