I’m so hot for her, I’m on fire for her

yet she’s so cold.  And so’s the tub of cream in the bathroom cabinet, if she’ll only let me out of this corner to go and get some. Please, Mistress. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.

It’s not about you, do you see?


Actually, you can fit a sub in either way round. She’s just got it wrong, that’s all. Made an embarassing, stupid mistake. Do you want to tell her, or shall I?

I could add a caption here, but what does my opinion matter anyway?

It’s important to understand the power dynamics of your bdsm relationship. Frankly, that’s important at any time, but it’s particularly important when you’re naked and dangling helplessly from the ceiling.
It’s good she’s decided to treat you as an adult, for once.

Adult content warning

Persons proceeding past this point will encounter no genuinely adult content whatsoever, merely juvenile humour and sexual innuendo written by someone with the emotional intelligence of a teenager. You have been warned.

Let’s hope he enjoyed wishes 1 and 2.

Not very politically correct. Perhaps I need to be politically corrected.

Don’t worry, she’ll give him a 10% discount for all those extra hours.

These gender roles are essentially all social constructs anyway.  Why should we have to conform to a role because of what sex we are?  What if I choose not to do the housework, hmm? Well… I get tied across a chair and thrashed, obviously. But I could if I wanted to.. and didn’t mind the beating. That’s the point.

Self-harming is such a waste.  When there are people out there who’d love to do it for you.

Humbled in her presence

Of course, for her it’ll be very different from having sex with you.  Longer… more enjoyable…and more frequent too.


Don’t worry – it’ll be very special for both of you, I am sure.

And weekly confession too.

Sometimes men need a little encouragement to make the right choice of their own free will.

She has a point, you know.  I’d say more, but I’ve a leash to fetch.
The wonderful, stern Miss Cassie Hunter, the Hunteress, of course – who rather thrillingly could surely not give a rats arse about this blog one way or the other. Mmm.. contempt play.

Simply divine, darling

These things happen.  So do canings.

Pnk’s nice.  It’s a bit showy but manhide isn’t cheap, so why not flaunt it?

You have to hold the toungue very still while you do it, basically.  And of course, you can’t really use a gag, so you have to not mind screaming.  Fortunately, she doesn’t.

Works for me.

It’s not the actual intercourse, it’s the cuddle afterwards, I find.

Oh, I hope there’ll be jellyfish

The servitor who uploads material to this blog will be on an undeserved holiday for the next few weeks.  Normally awful service will be maintained, through the magic of ‘scheduling’ and comments – especially abusive ones – remain as welcome as ever, but will not be responded to (so the grovelling apologies must wait).

The jellyfish thing? Oh yeah. This.

You know, I heard once that feeling sad and lonely is just your body’s way of telling you what an unpleasant person you are to be with?  Makes a lot of sense.

I’m slowly working my way into her affections, I reckon.

Mmmpphhh grtrrth.

Of course, they’ll need to use something else to achieve the burning sensation.  Hot coals, maybe? They’re very creative.


Hope there’s some beer for me.

Fear and loving

Oh, no. Not Lucy.

They do furnish a room.

It’s a good idea to have it written there on the fridge, to remind you both that it’s overdue.  I’m sure she’ll get round to it, though – no need to nag.

Boring old politics.  Still, you’d better go along to look pretty on her arm.

You could kiss and make up.

Extra service

Hello, Business Answers?  Natalie speaking. How can I help?
No, this isn’t actually the Chesham AB Nursery.  We’re a business answering service.  The person you’re trying to contact… errr
‘Nanny Stern’?  She’s busy so she’s
switched all calls to us.  But I have a
menu here I can take you through to try to process your call, if that’s any
help at all?
An appointment? 
Sure.  Tuesday week… not looking
good.  Maybe Thursday?  Thursday. 
4 – 6 pm OK for you?
Fine… now I need to take some details for the booking.  Do you have a customer code?  Got it.  Right – there you are.  Mr Franks,
So…last time, you had… let’s see.  Bedwetting, smacked bottom and nappy
humiliation?  That OK for you this time
Fine.  Well that’s all
booked for you.  Thursday week, 4pm.
Now, Mr Franks, as you’re on the line, I wonder if I could
talk to you about insurance on behalf of one of our other clients?  You see, these days many people don’t
properly provide for – 
Mr Franks?  I’m sorry,
I don’t think I heard that, I – 
Mr Franks?
Mr Franks?
Well, that was a bit rude.
Insurance…let’s see, we’ll call that ‘unsure’.
And back with Chesham AB Nursery, let’s see what we can do
about that rude word shall we Mr Foulmouth Franks? … Hmm… 
‘mouthsoaping’. Perfect.  Oooh: caning too!  Well, why not?  How many?… oh I
don’t know. Why’s it all in sixes? 
12.  No, let’s have 24.
And we’ll schedule a follow-up call about the insurance for
the day after.
Hello, Business Answers?  Natalie speaking. How can I help?

Mistress and Commander

Celebrating the more militaristic side of our little hobby.  Destruction, brutality, war, death… it’s sad there are these things in our world, but there’s nothing wrong with having a little sexy fun with them, is there?

As a British citizen, I don’t actually carry ID, but I do have an ownership tattoo, so let’s hope that will suffice.


happens. You know, the ninth Women’s Gestapo regiment once managed to
lose an entire infantry divisions-worth of POWs. Careless, but war’s
messy, right?

Her way’s a lot quicker, too.
Obviously enough, a lovely image from the British Institution
You know, there are lots of organisations called “The British
Institute” of this, that and the other.  I hope they enjoy the
ocasional accidental surf to prison.

Don’t worry. You get at least four more opportunities for appeal. We are going to fight this!
The divine, lovely, commanding Mistress Eleise de Lacy is no longer associated with Femme Fatale films and is cross with them (but oh, it’s wonderful when Mistress Eleise is cross with you, as I can personally attest!).  So I won’t be linking to them, for images featuring her.  And the not-always-in-charge Miss Woods is here.

Right, like her name’s really Vinyl Queen, huh?  Dommes, eh? Do they think the rules don’t apply to them?
  I’m guessing that’s who it is, from a Google Image search.  Do correct me if I’m wrong.

Customer services

Yeah, this is FDproducts. What the fuck do you want?
What?  No, of course
we’re not going to exchange it. If it ripped when you tried to put it on, it’s
your own fault, isn’t it, you fucking moron? You were probably putting it on

No, I do not want to hear how you put it on, you little
pervert.  My day’s going quite badly enough
without having to listen to a graphic description of some sweaty old balding guy trying to squeeze
himself into a latex French maid outfit.

What?  Consumer
rights? What fucking consumer rights?

Look, let’s get something straight, right?  You’re a submissive male, correct?
Right.  And what am I?  That’s right. I’m a woman.  And women are…

‘Goddesses’, yeah, OK. 
I was thinking of ‘the superior sex’ but that’ll do.  So does a sub talk to a goddess like that?

No he fucking does not – quite right.  So you can start speaking more respectfully,
you little shit.

Well yes, as a matter of fact I do think you should
apologise.  Down on your fucking knees!

And to show how sorry you are, I think we’ll have a
financial penalty.  Let’s see – what’s
the most expensive item on our web site… mahogany whipping bench with attachments.
Right – you’re buying three of those. 
Then maybe you can spend any money you have left paying someone to strap
you over one of them and beat the crap out of you.

Yes, we do take Amex.  But you have to ask very, very politely.

Normal service

Right, after that little April interlude, this blog will return to its usual subject matter.  Or ‘object matter’ when male submissives feature in the pics.

I don’t really ‘get’ maledom anyway, to be honest.  I mean, I can just about see that it could be quite sexy to have an attractive woman all tied up, available for any sexual act of my choosing.  I could iron one of her skirts, for example, or tidy her tights drawer even if what she really wanted was to be brought a cup of tea or have the garage cleared out. The thought of that kind of power’s quite a turn on.  But what’s the point of my being turned on if if she’s completely helpless in the bondage – she can’t remove my chastity belt with her hands tied, can she?  In any case, how can I decide what I want to do if she’s gagged and can’t tell me?  See, I just think maledoms haven’t really thought it all through.

Oh well. Here are some things I do understand, dimly at least.

Ah, yes, the purest form of male submission: not even daring to irritate her with your presence.  I find women really appreciate it when I do that.

Then, bruised and bloody, the winner gets to have a heavy BDSM session.  Quite a day.
But you have to book.  And until you’re a ‘regular’ you’ll need to pay a deposit in advance. No exceptions – sorry.

I’m sure she respects us really.  It’s a kind of harsh femdom persona she puts on. She’s really good at it, don’t you think?
 This is of course the lovely Gigi Allens, whose boots I am not fit to lick, and whose name I don’t even know how to pronounce. Hard g, soft?  One of each?
The pre-marital agreement also refers to ‘objectionable conduct’ so don’t even think of arguing – that’s a red flag right there.

Hmm. Have I posted hat last one before? I have a system for this blog to avoid that, with ‘posted’ and ‘unposted’ folders (over 1000 captioned images presently in the latter, so this blog will be here for a while!  Keep coming back.) Unlike the Tumblr site, where I just randomly post previously bloggered images, so there’s repetition from time to time (2700 now posted, though, so it doesn’t happen often! Keep going back – although there is nothing there that has not been here so I don’t really understand why people do).  Still, the above looks awfully familiar.  Oh well, have an extra one:

Oops. My bad.

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