Surprised by JOI


“Jerk off instructions”? 
You want me to give you orders on how to masturbate?


First, I want you to get down on your knees.  Mmmm…that’s right.

Now, do you see that scrubbing brush?  I want you to take hold of it firmly, in your
right hand.  Can you do that for me?

Good boy…  now crawl
out to the patio.  There will be a
bucket.  I want you to fill it with
water, and then I want you – on your knees mind! – to scrub every single paving
stone.  And there’s a wire brush out
there too  -you can use that to scrape
out the moss and dirt in between the paving stones.
Now I want you to really scrub hard.  A nice regular back and forth motion.  Out… and back.  and OUT…and back.  and OUT…and back.  Do you think you can do that for me?

Yes, on your knees the whole time.  I’ll chain your ankles together to make
sure.  If you do it properly, you should
have it done by morning.  Stay out there
and wait for me.

And when I’m awake I’ll come outside…possibly wearing my
silk gown.  Can you imagine that?  Mmmm.

Well then, if I inspect your work, and it’s to my
satisfaction, then I’ll let you beg to pay to be unlocked.

And then, you naughty boy, … if you do all that really, really well…
…and if I don’t need any other little jobs done around the house…
…and if I’m in a really good mood…

… then I’ll let you quickly play with yourself and
come.  And then I’ll lock you up again
and you can fuck off.


Do you want me to repeat any of the instructions?
Pictures (which frankly render any actual JOI quite unneccessary) are of the wonderful Mistress Absolute, from her web site, where she now has a rather large free gallery.

Giving until it hurts

… and indeed beyond.

Professional dominatrices
Poor things.  Their fingers must have been awfully cold.  You’d think the film-makers could have provided gloves or something.  Men can be so thoughtless, can’t they?

Spiked hood slave
I hope they don’t lace it too tight.  But they probably will, knowing them.

Punishment for the fun of it
Sometimes, in a relationship, an apology isn’t even needed.

Femdom enema fun
Looks like you’re in for another uncomfortable evening.

Yet another femdom castration caption
Ten minutes.  What can we do for ten minutes… hmmm.  I wonder if she’s feeling generous?


I have to praise her

…like I should.

Tennis court servitude
Don’t forget to scurry.  Ball boys should definitely scurry.
Femdom together
Sergei I am not looking forward to.
Pissing Mistress
But seeing as this is Mistress Absolute  – the Mistress Absolute – I suspect that can only add to the value, among certain rare connoseurs conouiseirs conosewers, don’t you think?
No tits here
Domina Liza.  I’ll confesss, I don’t know the Lady in person, but I suspect that her attitude to such a request would be along these lines.  This caption is intended to comment on the style of femdom photo that I mentally categorize as ‘tits out for the lads’ and try, virtuously, to avoid.
Femdom insecticide
Awww… poor little thing.

Begging on the streets

Street begging?  Eh?  I’m opposed to it.  I just think it’s unecessary, and disturbs people going about their daily business.

But she insists on it, so of course who am I to argue?

SPH lady is precise
Actually, I prefer to use centimetres.  Or even milimetres.

Farmyard femdom oh my
I wonder what the prize is, if he gets them right?

Female led discussion
Then again, maybe we don’t have to discuss it right now…. We do?  Oh.  OK.
Slave furniture
Actually, the back of the laptop adjusts.  But her way’s good.

Bad news femdom snuff oh dear
I wonder what it can be?



Oh darling,
I must tell you about last night!

Well, I was
round at Jill’s for our girls’ night, same as usual, and she put on a snuff
movie.  You know how she’s into that
stuff.  It was called “Death by a
Thousand Cuts
” I think. By the same team who made “Spit-roast“.

Anyway –
you’ll never guess who the main character was!

No, silly,
not the woman.  Actually, there were
three of them.  No no – the man, the

Well, it
was Thomas!  You know – my Thomas!  I recognized him immediately, you know in
that bit at the start they like to do, when they explain that it’s all real and
show the some of the implements, to get them good and terrified.

I can’t
imagine how they got hold of him.  I mean
when you came along and I divorced him, Sally took pity on him and took him in
as her houseboy, do you remember?  And I
know Sally’s a bit strict, but I’m sure she’d never have one of her boys
tortured to death like that.  I suppose
she must have sold him to someone else, and so on until he ended up there –
trapped in a cellar with no way out except an agonizing death!  Poor Thomas, he was quite sweet really.

Oh there’s
one thing I must mention – but I don’t want you to get jealous, OK
darling?  At quite a few points when he
was really terrified, before his throat got so messed up that he couldn’t
really speak any more, in amongst all the pleading and shrieking for mercy, he
called out my name!  Quite
distinctly!  Isn’t that sweet?  After all these years. I was rather touched.

Anyway, I
know you don’t really approve of snuff movies, but you have to see this
one, seeing as you know someone who’s in it!  Jill lent it to me. There’s a few
bits we can fast-forward through if you’re squeamish.

New boy

It’s, erm… Roger isn’t it?

‘Robin!’ Yes of course. Well, Robin, I’m sorry I haven’t
been around much on your first day. Busy, busy. Everyone treating you OK?

Great. Do come to me if anything’s worrying you, OK? My
door’s always open, even to the most junior boy on the team.

Listen, Roger, I want you to know that I’m not one of those
bosses who thinks only women can do the important jobs, OK? I’m very keen to
give boys a chance. Boys can do very well in this company – and they brighten
the place up, too! Anyway, I’m totally opposed to sexism and discrimination in
the workplace, OK? Everybody in the team is worthy of respect for who they are.
Even boys. Especially boys.

So don’t take this the wrong way. But you could maybe dress
a bit more… smartly, hmm? Maybe show yourself off to a bit more advantage. A
nice pair of smart white shorts, for example. Not too baggy – maybe even a size
or too smaller than the trousers you’re wearing. Nice close fit…

Great. I’m sure you’ll get on very well here Roger. Sorry –
I mean Robin, don’t I? Robin. Must remember that.

Now – how about a cup of tea for the boss? Milk and a

Thanks Roger.


That’s me.

Pervert punishment
Of course he can.  He’d do anything for her.  Wouldn’t you?

Humiliation served cold
Well… OK.  This time.

SPH handjob
Hmmm.  An occasional sympathy fingerjob.  Well, that’s a pretty big win, right there.

Cruel therapist
It’s great when you’re confident your therapist understands the real you, isn’t it?

I don’t think she’s taking this seriously enough, you know.  I mean, a man’s been murdered here.  And more importantly, a quite valuable pen was stolen, too.

Standing room only


Oh hey.  Listen, I am
really sorry about this, but as we’re expecting to be quite busy this evening,
we’re gonna need to limit access?

We try to only let the more attractive customers in, you
know?  It’s corporate policy, we’re the
place where the beautiful people go – that kinda thing.

Anyway, your friends can come in, but I’m afraid you don’t
make the grade.

Yeah, I know.  Sorry.

Well… you could go to MacDonalds?  Or if you wanna wait here, we can see if you
get invited to a table?

Yeah, sure.  See – if
a table of women decide you’re attractive enough, they can call you over, and
then you can eat – just like everyone else! 
Pretty neat, huh?

OK, well, sure!  You
just go over there in the corner, honey. 
Where it says “Rejects – male”. 
Under the light there, so everyone can see your face.  And you just stand there, waiting to see if
anyone wants you.

Oh yeah, you’re the only one just now.  But I expect there will be a few more,
too.  There’s always a few unattractive
men like you, hoping to get lucky.

Oh – and if by the time we close, you haven’t been picked,
we’ll give you some leftovers, OK?  So you
won’t go home hungry.

Sure – no problem! 
Don’t worry about telling your friends – I’ll explain it all to them.

Oh – I’m Carly, by the way.

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