Oh darling,
I must tell you about last night!

Well, I was
round at Jill’s for our girls’ night, same as usual, and she put on a snuff
movie.  You know how she’s into that
stuff.  It was called “Death by a
Thousand Cuts
” I think. By the same team who made “Spit-roast“.

Anyway –
you’ll never guess who the main character was!

No, silly,
not the woman.  Actually, there were
three of them.  No no – the man, the

Well, it
was Thomas!  You know – my Thomas!  I recognized him immediately, you know in
that bit at the start they like to do, when they explain that it’s all real and
show the some of the implements, to get them good and terrified.

I can’t
imagine how they got hold of him.  I mean
when you came along and I divorced him, Sally took pity on him and took him in
as her houseboy, do you remember?  And I
know Sally’s a bit strict, but I’m sure she’d never have one of her boys
tortured to death like that.  I suppose
she must have sold him to someone else, and so on until he ended up there –
trapped in a cellar with no way out except an agonizing death!  Poor Thomas, he was quite sweet really.

Oh there’s
one thing I must mention – but I don’t want you to get jealous, OK
darling?  At quite a few points when he
was really terrified, before his throat got so messed up that he couldn’t
really speak any more, in amongst all the pleading and shrieking for mercy, he
called out my name!  Quite
distinctly!  Isn’t that sweet?  After all these years. I was rather touched.

Anyway, I
know you don’t really approve of snuff movies, but you have to see this
one, seeing as you know someone who’s in it!  Jill lent it to me. There’s a few
bits we can fast-forward through if you’re squeamish.

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