Louring ladies

Don’t worry, lots of bridegrooms… no, hang on. Do worry.
This is her ‘girlfriend experience’ service and if you ask me, it’s startlingly realistic.
I used to think I was my own worst enemy, but my SO managed to wean me off those self-loathing thoughts by listing all the people (or at least, the top twenty among our close friends) who loathe me even more.
Good night, sweet princess.
You don’t need motivating, as you’ll be strapped down and helpless.
They serve coffee too – and water to help settle the boys’ stomachs, but most Mistresses prefer them unsettled.

Leading ladies

Oh, it would be just awful lying across that skirt having your backside whacked repeatedly with a heavy wooden hairbrush, don’t you think?  Awful.  No, no, please don’t do that.
Well at least she’s giving you a choice.
Oddly enough, it’s quite common to experience a powerful orgasm at the actual moment of castration.  Usually the surgeon just needs to take a moment to get her breath back and then finish the operation, though.

I see a happy ever after on the horizon.

You know, I write a lot here about being told I was ‘the worst fuck ever’ on dates, but actually it’s only happened to me once.

Maids of dishonour

Just as long as I don’t have to do the thing with the blow-up flamingo again.

He’s lucky she’s in such a good mood. When she gets cross, things can get quite unpleasant.
The delightful and sweet-natured Mistress Sidonia of the English Mansion, of course. She has a wonderful blog, full of unusual and interesting stuff.  I’m sure you knew that already.
The editors get a lot of letters like that. They have to hide them from their own wives, of course.

He came to the Sanctuary hoping to act out his fantasies about brutal rape.  Which, in a way, he did.
They look like they have high standards don’t they?  Or maybe the surface was just very, very dustry. He’ll be hoovering the bath after this.

 Here’s an extra one.  Doesn’t feature any actual females, so doesn’t really count (the same principle should apply to elections and board meetings, in my humblest opinion):

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