What’s that? Oh, I ticked ‘make me cry’ on the session negotiation form? Oh yes, so I did. Sorry, my mistake: go ahead then.
|Just hand me the lipstick and stand aside, little lady. I got this.
|Very public-spirited of them to help out, I say.
|What, did you think she just… I dunno… abducted guys and skinned them in her basement? You’ve been reading too much lurid fantasy. Relax, OK?
|I wonder why she went too far like that? She’s supposed to be a professional.
Speaking of which, I thought I’d just share with a little thing that happened to me yesterday – in real life, I mean, not ‘Servitor’ life.
So I was leaving Starbucks (in Paris) and there was this young woman coming in, so I held the door open for her and vaguely smiled as she went past, as you do. And you know, she didn’t acknowledge me? Not even a nod, just strode through, head held high, ignoring me as if I were merely part of the furniture.
I mean, can you believe some people?
I thought about that all day. Wonderful! What bliss it is to be alive, and all that.
Anyway, true story. Now on with the stuff that isn’t.
|Subsequently twice married to a billionaire, this one. Not bad, is it? The same billionaire twice, I mean, not two billionaires. I don’t suppose he got the hockey stick treatment… but you never know, he might have done.
|Don’t forget to include a little gift (or, better, a large one) in your thank-you email, so she’ll know you mean it.
|Mistress is cleverer than you. Do try to remember that, OK sweetie? I know it’s not easy, remembering stuff.
|He still screams of course – in fact, these days he often starts screaming before they even start, as he knows what’s coming. But it’s lost that element of surprise, that’s all she’s saying. Time for a bit of a change.
…and in amorous array.
|Lots of men get a bit nervous on their wedding days, but some have more cause for it than others.
|But she is wearing everyday clothes, isn’t she?
|Men are often not good at prioritising. She can help with that.
|Actually, Julie’s not keen on putting things out of their misery. Neither of them are.
|Another ungrateful subbie. Seems to be something of a theme today. I mean, quite apart from the sexual gratification he is getting, the value of all that learning is quite literally incalculable.
|Now this one at least appears to have the right attitude: asking nicely, saying please and thank you. And he has his reward, see?
|Which is odd, because from my own personal experience (again – and I don’t want to over-generalise, so let me emphasise this is just me): in my own relationship, ‘No’ is about the most reckless and unsafe word it is possible for me to say.
Fans (there aren’t many) of the Downton Domination series here probably, like me, feel a subtle frisson when contemplating the nannies, chaste husbands and simply frightfully modern lesbians who feature in those tales. How can we simply enjoy tales of thrashings, chastity and forced homosexuality among this carefree inter-war generation, knowing the global catastrophe that was to overtake them in a few short years? I don’t know about you, but I for one cannot enjoy a good wank to femdom porn, in the presence of uncertainty about how it relates to the rise of global fascism and the collapse of the false hope of international order founded on the League of Nations.
So today we run the reel of history forward, so to speak, to see the heroism of ordinary women and men – mainly women, obviously – from the darkest days of the Blitz through to the triumph of democracy.
NB: before anyone points it out, yes I realise the same lovely lady appears in several different roles in these images. She is not simultaneously a British secret agent, a headmistress of a rather superior girls’ school and a gallant Frenchwoman risking all to shelter a downed British airman. She is an actress.