Shocking untruths

Communication is at the heart of a healthy relationship, especially if it’s all in one direction.




Always bring a sissy when you’re dogging.  It’s nicer for the guys as well, if they fancy swinging both ways. Or just hitting someone.


Don’t worry: that doctor won’t lie on an official medical form, just because she asks him to.  Only if Lucy asks.  He’s hers, you see. 


She’s free and single and yet you’re neither.  But who said life had to be fair?

I’ve half a mind to complain.


Reality show

What am I wearing? 
You want to know what I’m wearing you fucking pervert?

OK, I’m wearing a check shirt and a pair of loose
jeans.  What?  No, I’m not going to tell you what underwear,
asswipe.  But it’s functional: cotton,
you know.
What, you thought I’d put on something sexy just to do this
phone sex call?  Fuck you!

Oh, I see, you want me to lie?  You want me to tell you I’m just lounging
here in some kind of fetish fantasy garb, hmm…? 
Leather bra… big thigh-high boots for you to lick, maybe?  You’d like that, huh?

Not going to happen, loser. 
You’re paying to jerk off, you’re gonna jerk off to me just as I
am.  Jeans, check shirt… no make-up.  And I’m sitting on a bus, I’m going grocery
shopping.  I need to stock up on tampons, cos it’s my period and I’m almost out?  And you have… oh I dunno, like
two minutes before it’s my stop and I end the call, so if you’re gonna jerk off
do it now, asshole.

Hmm?  Yeah, the bus is
pretty crowded.  You tugging?  Up-down-up-down-updownupodownup…

Hurry up, just pulling out from the stop before the mall.

Updownupdowntugtugtugtugtugtugtugtugtug?  Oh. 

There.  Was that
special for you, hun?  Hope so, cos it’s
all you’re ever going to get.

Oh, and tribute’s going up by another 40% next month,
creep.  And tell that fucking bank of
yours if they’re a day late again, you’re gonna have to go three months without
hearing your Goddess’s voice, yeah?

Yeah, I know you worship me, creep.  That’s because I’m female and talk to you
occasionally.  Don’t forget – 40%.   
Now fuck off.
“Hmm?  Yeah, sure I’m wearing gloves and boots. It’s cold here in Buffalo, moron.”
The lovely lady featured in this story is Goddess Rodea, of the American Mean Girls (they seem to have branched out beyond Miami and might even have rebranded again), who really do just sit around in sexy lingerie all day,  doing unpleasant things to males.  But this caller doesn’t need to know that and I won’t tell him if you don’t, OK?

They can beg and they can plead

…but they can’t see the light.

Are you sitting uncomfortably?  Then she’ll begin.

You’re actually already halfway through the session. Might as well finish off.

Good.  Good.  I expect she’ll be chucking away all those dusty old wine bottles in the cellar and filling up the racks with some nice fresh sparkling wine with cheerful labels, too.

If it’s any consolation to him, after her friend has finished the face-slapping session tomorrow, he will look like a house elf.

As it happens, the second guy from the front is the Financial Director of one of the biggest German pension and insurance conglomerates.  He’s wondering whether he should say something here – but by now he’s probably got more sense.


Oh, just go with it. You enjoy sexy abbatoir play, she enjoys bacon sandwiches.  You’re very compatible.

Don’t worry. She respects the hard limits imposed by the Geneva Convention.  No hollow-nosed bullets, just a good clean round through the forehead if you get the password wrong.

Poor thing. She obviously misses him terribly.

Yes, I could use a muscle relaxant.  I’m feeling strangely tense about this – which is silly, because there’s really nothing that can go wrong with a tonsils operation.

Love that biker chic.  He’s a switch – prefers to top, but confident enough to play the strong and silent sub on the bottom, you know?  Goes by the name of Master Marcus when he’s domming.  He’s also bisexual, or he soon will be, anyway.

The record shows I took the blows

And did it Her way

Yum.  Has it really been a year? How time flies.

No problem.  I’ll just go and live out the remainder of my life nursing the ache at the core of my empty existence.  Bye.

Actually, if you save up enough of your pocket money, maybe you could… I mean, that would be OK, right?  About four months should do it, if you’re careful not to spend money on anything else.

Well, I think it’s outrageous. I mean, she wouldn’t wear a coat that had been made by killing and skinning a human being, would she?

Don’t forget to say gracias.  Mucho, mucho gracias, Senora

Blonde justice

Yes.  Someone needs to let her know that you just can’t get a toilet bowl really clean by licking it, either. Will you tell her, or shall I?

Mmmm… nine-and-a-half times the fun!
 I’m not generally a big fan of the US ‘mean young women’ style of femdom, but Miami Mean Girls is really pretty good.  I think it’s the same as AmericanMeanGirls too. There’s a lady called Goddess Rodea (that’s not her, above) who I think is particularly wonderful.  Worth a look.
Your kink is not her kink.  Which is just as well, or you’d have to murder her, and think how awful that would be.

Could even have a key-swapping party.  Such fun, until someone loses a key and then there’s weeks of recrimination and tears.

It’s going to be hard to carry all that shopping with a broken arm. Perhaps you could ask for the arm to be broken later, when you’re back?  What’s that?  You think that sort of impertinence might just annoy her? Yeah, probably right. Oh well, one-armed shopping it is.
Goddess Lexi of course, featured on Femdom Empire.

All that she wants

… she gets.

Best not to argue.  You don’t want to end up with your allowance stopped again.

You would.  Well, you can’t shoot a smoking scene with unlit cigarettes.  Looks like they’re going to have to revert to plan B: ball-busting.

And we all know how slowly that can be.

She’s going to get their top saleswoman award this month. Quite remarkable, with only one client.

Anyway, she’s got a bunch of medical gear, so if it goes wrong she’s well-prepared.

It’s what I go to dommes for can call me crazy

(Kinky bit is 2.18 in if that’s really all you’re after. Pervert).

Of course, as long as everyone keeps quiet there’s no way she can find out who wrote it.  And it’s not as if she can cane the whole class just because one boy misbehaved now, is it?

They do need male teachers, though.  Every time they seem to have got the male/female ratio on the staff up, another lot disppear and they have to start again.  So at least you’ve got job security: there’s that to be said for it.

Cold cream?  And, ermm… not being beaten?

What a bad girl.

I wrote this caption last year, surprisingly enough.

What women like

So many books about that topic, discussions on the Internet… 

But I’ve learnt a trick about pleasing women which I find works almost every time. The secret is not to put your own sexual needs first, you see.  Many women are quite pleasantly surprised if you don’t insist on sex.  Just hand over the money in an envelope and leave. 

After all, you can always masturbate later, jerking off to pictures on the Internet, alone in your squalid little room.  While she gets on with her life.

Frequent flyers get extra benefits, including staying behind for an hour after landing to clean the whole aircraft.

Her birthday’s in eleven days time. She doesn’t like too much fat on her boys, you see, but you should be nice and thin for her by then.

You can actually fry them up still attached for maximum freshness, but many people think that’s going a bit too far.
Looks like someone hasn’t been following Servitor’s rules for making women happy! Remember – always leave straight after paying. Or if you’ve booked with a credit card through an escort service, just tell them it’s OK if she doesn’t turn up.  Trust me: she’ll love it.
Plenty more where that came from, so come on – get it down.

PS – as some of you might know, Blogger provides stats on where the traffic is coming from*.  Mostly Femdom Resource, Google and my Tumblr site, but it also tells you which searches on Google led people here.  Now, normally these are fairly obvious things involving femdom and bootlicking and suchlike wholesome matters**, but this morning we had: “kellogg’s frosted mini wheats original, 24 ounce box” and “Brita water filter replacement cartridge”.

Woah.  There are some things that are just too kinky even for me.  Take your weird grocery obsessions elsewhere, OK guys?   Let’s try to keep it clean here.

* no, stop worrying, it doesn’t tell me anything about who you are. Except you, Tom from the US.  Oh – and you too, Mr Collins from the UK.

** and “contemplating the devine” with depressing frequency. Use a dictionary if youre not sure, you stupid males!  That’s not even a word, OK?

Mean and nasty and pretty and horrible

Or pinches any other parts for that matter. Ouch.  Only eight hours to go, though…

Yes, that should work.  I certainly wouldn’t expect many erections any time soon, anyway.

They’re very nice shoes too.

If you want to get to know her better, you could try joining her reading circle.

My SO and I are agreed that wearing fur is cruel. That’s why she wears so much of it.

(Yup, same old anti-Vietnam littering-based protest song, Steve.  But I’m hoping no one will notice the repetition.)
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