Category: pet

Torturous logic

She’s right, of course. Quite early in my marriage, I realised that what I naively thought of as ‘too much pain’ was, when viewed in proper perspective, ‘not enough pain’. It’s funny how wrong men can be about such things.
Speaking of Orgasm Day – guess what? Thursday’s mine! Yes, every February 29th, regular as clockwork, I get to have an orgasm. Unless my behaviour has been particularly bad, obviously, or if she’s too busy. She suggested the date herself – I’d wanted some time in June, but apparently this is much better.
This is one of the tasks you’ll be judged on, so do it right.
Nothing wrong with enjoying your job, I say.
What if I’m not ready? Hmm? What do you suppose she’ll – AAH!
I hadn’t realised she owned a big dog… I guess that’s why she has that big cage in the garden.

Whips and whims

Don’t forget your morning prayers too.
If love is there, honouring and obeying should come naturally. And if they don’t, I’m sure she can find an alternative means to encourage them.
He has… but here’s only so much misbehaviour you can get up to, muzzled and on a leash.
Don’t worry: she won’t whip you any more than necessary.
My SO finds it very upsetting when our cat catches a mouse and plays with it so cruelly. As she says, there’s a 50% chance the poor little thing is female.
It’s a future-proofed profession, because although technology obviously could automate the basic function of shit-carrying, it could never provide the same satisfaction forcing a male to do that provides to the onlooker.

Girlish ferocity

I just have resting silly grumpy-face.  When I don’t have resting screamy pleading-face, anyway.

 

 

It’s supposed to be quite effective in preventing premature baldness… or was that ‘laziness’?  All good, either way – just ask Helen.

 

Of course, she might do that even if he doesn’t make her.




And don’t forget to wag that cute little rubber dildo-tail.

 

 

 


 

I remember my first, fumbling attempts at sexual intercourse!  Embarrassingly bad, like most men I suppose.  I can laugh about it now, along with the guests whenever my SO tells the story, but at the time it was quite humiliating, especially with all those other guys there.  I suppose a second time needn’t be quite such a… a shall we say ‘cringe-inducing failure’ but as my SO likes to say, ‘why risk it?’

 

 

Kiss the boys and make them cry

Phwoah.
The ‘client’ in this picture was of course the remarkable, rather intimidating… OK, very intimidating, Mistress Cassie Hunter.




Yeah, I tried vanilla sex once.  Well, I tried to try it anyway… but she wasn’t having any of it.







There’s men would kill to be in his position. Perhaps one day she’ll let them.




No reason not to mix business with pleasure.







Ah.. voluntary consent.  It’s just non-negotiable. As George is finding out.


No means no

There’s been a lot of news lately about the need for men always to seek a woman’s consent before any sexual activity.  And I think that’s exactly right.  If she says no – that’s it.  You’ll just have to wait until next month.

 

Finally found something you’re good at!  Well done.
 

 

The selection process is quite rigorous.  Some don’t survive.  But there’s plenty of them, so that’s really not a problem.
 

 

Well, if being told off and humiliated by an attractive lady in a sharp business suit doesn’t take his mind off sexy things, I don’t know what will!
 

 

They’re more kind of… snaily, if you know what I mean.  You don’t?  Oh.  Well – kind of like a cockroach that’s been squished under a boot most of the day – and I expect you know how bad that tastes!
 
 
Awww… sweet.
 

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