Lock me down, lock me up

I don’t have much time to think about sex – too busy running this blog and there’s nothing remotely sexy here.

If I’m an adult man, surely I should be allowed to stay up after 8 o’clock?

I never know if it’s one kiss or two.
Only a bit useful.  But that’s more than he used to be.

Maybe she’s only looking at Tumblr.  No naked women on Tumblr. Vile racism, lies and misinformation, even ‘humorous’ captions about torture and castration, reblogged from here.  But no ladies with their clothes off, than goodness, so society is safe.

High achiever

Listen – I’ve been thinking. It must be really boring and demotivating for you, just doing your household duties all day long. Just drudgery for 14 hours a day – for the rest of your life, really, with no prospect of ever moving on to anything more rewarding.

So I was thinking maybe you needed more incentives to keep at it and do a good job for me!

No honey, calm down. I don’t mean I’m going to punish you more. I mean, sure, being whacked on your sore old bottom with my paddle probably gives you a pretty strong incentive not to mess up. But it’s still only a negative incentive – when you do a bad job. I was thinking you need positive incentives to do a good job!

No, not that kind of positive incentive, honey. I don’t let you do that any more, remember?

So, anyway, I had this brilliant idea! Achievements!

Achievements, honey. Like in video games?

Oh yeah, I forgot. You’ve been a few years in my service now, haven’t you? They probably didn’t have achievements when you were still free to do fun stuff like computer games.

Well, ‘achievements’ are like bonuses for doing extra things in the game or doing really well. You have to meet a certain set of conditions and then you get awarded the achievement! Like ‘Kill 100 orcs with bladed weapons’ and then maybe you’d get an achievement called “Orc-cleaver” or something, you know?

Well, no, you don’t get anything else, honey. Just the achievement. But it gives you something to work towards, you see? I think it’s perfect for you! I was so pleased when I thought of it. I guess I’m channelling my inner geek girl.

What’s that honey? No, of course you don’t have a choice. And if I don’t see you working towards your achievements, we’ll just have to try more of the negative incentives, won’t we?

That’s better. OK, here’s your first list of achievements. Don’t try to work towards all of them at once. Just pick a few –some are harder than others. Once you get all these, I’ll do you another list, OK?

Tight fit: perform a day’s work in a corset tightened three inches narrower than usual.

Ironic: Iron more than 50 items of clothing in a single day.

Irony: Iron more than 100 items of clothing in one day.

Bad maids get spanked: Admit to a fault that leads to a spanking.

Bad maids get paddled: Admit to a fault that leads to a paddling.

Bad maids get caned: Admit to a fault that leads to a caning.

Those who wait: complete chores with three hours to spare and spend the remainder of the day in the corner.

Her wish is my command: bring Mistress something she wanted before being commanded to do so.

Friend or enema: complete all daily chores while holding in three quarts.

Silence is bronze: no speech except in response to a direct question for a week.

Silence is silver: no speech except in response to a direct question for a month.

Silence is golden: no speech except in response to a direct question for a year.

Spit-roast: take one of Mistress’s boyfriends at each end.

Whole hog: Do two consecutive spit-roasts, with changed ends.

My special place: spend 8 hours standing in the corner without looking around.

Weekend place: spend 24 hours standing in the corner without looking around.

Shameful duty: appear in full maid’s costume in front of someone from your ‘previous life’.

Shameful discipline: be punished in front of someone from your ‘
previous life’.

Rain man: learn every telephone number in Mistress’s contacts.

Asking for it: request a stroke-for-stroke repetition of a paddling, immediately after it finishes.

Begging for it: request a stroke-for-stroke repetition of a caning immediately after it finishes.

Happy Hubby: Have a perky smile on your face every time Mistress sees you, for a week.

Rash decision: wear the same pair of diapers and plastic pants for three days in a row, without a change.

Bad scrubber: Clean the kitchen floor to Mistress’s satisfaction without once getting up off your knees.

Better scrubber: Clean the kitchen floor to Mistress’s satisfaction with hands tied back, and the brush between your teeth.

Good scrubber: Clean the kitchen floor to Mistress’s satisfaction using your hair as the brush.

Recycler: eat nothing but Mistress’s leftovers for a week.

Know what’s good for you: request a spanking for no reason.
Know what’s better for you: request a paddling for no reason.

Know what’s best for you: request a caning for no reason.

Cum-bucket: hold a boyfriend’s semen in your mouth all night without swallowing or spitting.

Sleep is for wimps: Perform housework for 24 hours without a break.

Dog-tired drudge: Perform housework for 48 hours without a break.

Remorseful: write a letter of apology to every woman with whom you have ever had sex.

Making amends: clean the apartment or house of a former girlfriend in maid outfit.

Revenge is bitter: receive corporal punishment from a former girlfriend.

Because she says so: Self-administer a whipping that draws blood.

Party animal: be the only ashtray at one of Mistress’s cocktail parties.

Potty mouth: Don’t spill a drop.

The role of the geek girl in this little tale was played by the lovely, smiley, dancey Emily Ratajkowski.

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