sports – Contemplating the divine

Further figures

More captions loosely inspired by the comedic style (but not achieving the comedic effect) of the Far Side. Slightly more whimsical than usual, anyway. Whatever. Also more than the average amount of tennis.

A hard woman is good to find

She seems very confident (women on this blog often are, actually) she knows how bad it’s going to be for you. I wonder how?

Even experienced submissives can sometimes forget themselves and indulge in shockingly challenging behaviour. Just the other day, I was thanking my SO for a punishment beating – down on my knees with my tear-stained face against the floor, as you do – when all of a sudden a note of insufficiently sincere gratitude crept into my voice. Apparently. I can’t imagine what provoked me into such a blatant act of insubordination, but you can be sure my good lady didn’t deal with it lightly.

She’ll be delighted to hear the ice bucket challenge is back, but this time it’s in February, which should be a lot more fun for almost everyone involved.

The healthy diet might lead to a long life, but he might perhaps want to remember, when dealing with the supervisor or other ‘carers’, that the longer his life goes on, the worse a deal the one-off financial settlement ends up being for the institution. But I’m sure they’ll do the right thing, whatever they decide that to be. Anyway, it’s very reasonable as the food and heating bills are remarkably low, leaving his loving daughters plenty of money to spend however they like, secure in the knowledge that he is being properly looked after.

After a while he’ll be desperate to be let out – which is weird, really, because he must realise that soon after that he’ll start to become increasingly desperate to flee back inside.

… and a couple of topical extras today, with thanks to shorty for the inspiration:

More Jutta perfection in Friday’s post.

These women’s work

Pray God you can cope

As they say, it’s no humiliation to beg pitifully. Don’t they? I’m sure they say something like that, they say all sorts of things.

Women’s football is so exciting… just look at all those clothes getting sweaty and boots muddy. I’d be queuing up at the changing room door, hoping to be picked.

Very considerate of her, but I doubt the others really mind.

Theyu have all sorts of codewords, to keep the real activity hidden. For example, if a client requests the ‘steam pressing service’ then the victim is placed in a huge steel press and slowly crushed while being blasted with boiling hot steam. OK, maybe that particular codeword is a bit obvious, but they have others too.

Ah, another of those ‘opportunities’. Bizarrely, when I’m placed in that situation, I can rarely think of anything very coherent to say.

People assume the OWK was all torture and savage beatings and long nights shivering in a cold prison cell – and it *was*, obviously, but with a lot of laughter too.

Of all tyrannies a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive

And the sexiest, too. The quote of course is from dear old Jack, rumoured to have had an interest in all things spanking, but alas only on the dark side. Perhaps he just never met the right woman. Like most Englishmen of a certain age I read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and The Magician’s Nephew when I was young and impressionable (I’m now old and impressionable) and believe me, Jadis the White Witch would not have had to proffer much turkish delight to entice me into slavery.

I mean, goodness me…

He went to say that to experience the tyranny he is describing “is to be put on a level of those who have not yet reached the age of reason or those who never will; to be classed with infants, imbeciles, and domestic animals.” Well, indeed. It could almost come from an advert for the English Mansion.

Anyway, I digress. Rather a lot. On with today’s nonsense, which is not particularly CS Lewis-themed except for the usual tag about Mistress Anya – obviously.

Some people recommend dangling from your ankles to help sort out a bad back and I’m sure Princess Neive and Miss Analisa here would be happy to help out with that – and even give him something to think about while he’s dangling there, to help pass the time.

If it’s too difficult to decide, don’t worry: I’m sure she’d be happy to leave the upper bound undefined.

If you don’t like it, just tell her you’re not satisified with the service – go ahead, she’ll make sure your complaint is treated properly.

I hope she does it properly, potting them in the right order.

If ‘small testicle humiliation’ is a thing he’s going to be really good at it.

She believes in trying new things and it’s not as if her supply of boys is going to run out any time soon, so why not?

Pervertiveness training

See? There may be things Sven’s better at doing than you are (her, for instance) but can he do a wiggle-waggle bunny-dance? With all the actions? I think not. That big swinging dick of his would probably knock over a coffee table or something, I’m sure it would be an utter embarassment anyway.

In any event, she didn’t specify *which* hour of shock collar play she meant… it might be an hour later today, or even in a few months’ time. Women aren’t as literal-minded and linear in their thinking about these things. Anyway, whatever she ends up doing, she is determined it’s going to be mutually agreed with his explicit – enthusiastic, even – consent, so that’s all right.

Remember, though, when she clicks her fingers that *other* way, it doesn’t mean that. You’ll get the hang of it eventually.

They’re actually missing out: their friend Kayla has been paid for years to come along to these sessions and never does.

AI has a long way to go. It still tends to think human rights apply to males – and equally annoyingly, it *still* gets the number of fingers wrong way too often.

Her spankee wouldn’t be demeaned either (de-manned, maybe, but that’s different). It would be an honour.

She must be right

We want to hear happy positive words: specifically your online banking details.

Can you believe the ungratitude – and look at all the effort she’s making, you can see that just from his back.

After all this time not able to get an erection, it’ll be nice to be doing that again. Up – zap! – and down. And up again and – zap! Aaanndd….

There are twenty-four verses but I’ve spared you that.

This is the firm and very fair Tamara Kenworthy. Look at the determination on that face – I can only hope her husband learns to appreciate his luck.

If you’re worried about any darts missing the board and piercing you in the neck or face, don’t be. It’s going to be on a long cord, so it’ll be hanging lower down your body than that, just about over your stomach.

Or you could maintain your dignity and accept a spanking and early bedtime without supper, if you don’t want to demean yourself.

Rulers of your lonely heart

My approach, whenever there’s anything ambiguous in my SO’s instructions, is just to do all of the things she might possibly have meant. It’s a lot less trouble than asking for clarification, which I often find turns out to be quite uncomfortable.

Hardly worth going back on for the second half. Still, I suppose it teaches them valuable lessons for their adult lives.

Korean’s a difficult language to learn, I understand, but with the right motivation you can quickly pick up all the phrases you really need to know.

Scientists (mainly Serena and Alice, actually) have conducted extensive tests on the tensile strength of scrotums – although I understand they’re always looking for more volunteers, if you fancy it. You’d only be giving up an afternoon and it’s to help science.

It’s a funny story actually, because although it was very unprofessional, no one was actually hu – well, OK, someone was hurt, repeatedly and extensively, but he didn’t suffer any actual permanent damage. I understand the stage manager did apologise to Annie afterwards, for any embarassment his errors had caused her.

The sobs and tears of joy…

“… he had not foreseen rose with such force within him that his whole body shook and for a long time prevented him from speaking. Falling on his knees by her bed. He held his wife’s hand to his lips and kissed it, and her hand responded to his kisses with weak movement of her finger.”*

More femdom from a less gentle but more genteel age. I know this series won’t appeal to a lot of the male readers of this blog, as there isn’t a lot of female flesh on display and the captions have a lot of words, some of them quite long and difficult.** And if I cared what they think, I suppose I would do something about that.

Cousin Kitty looks forward all year to her visits.

I’ve often sessioned with dommes who start sentences with “Perhaps…” like this lady, when what they’re suggesting *might* happen always *does* happen. So I do wonder if they understand the meaning of the word. Next time I hear it in session, I might try explaining this is a word to be used in a conditional sentence expressing a remote prospect, so we should understand it to imply that what she’s suggesting is unlikely to occur. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Ah… the tale of Wanda and Severin. A classic romance – my SO fell in love with that book.

She dislikes indelicate subjects. She dislikes insubordinate subjects too, of course, and she’s the Queen, so there are consequences.

*It isn’t what we say or think that defines us, but what we do.****

* Not Austen, Tolstoy. But fortunately, I have a tag for that already.

** Pro-tip: try moving your lips quietly when you read. Women won’t mind if they see you doing it; they all know we males are morons. Counting on your fingers can help when there are hard maths sums to solve, too.

*** That one is Austen.

Since you’re all the way down here, reading the footnotes, you’ve obviously got nothing better to do with your time (still locked up, are we? awww, never mind…) so here’s a trivia question for you: what links caption 2 and caption 5 – and also (unintentionally on my part) the text but not the image in caption 6? Hmm?