blonde – Page 9 – Contemplating the divine

Crawl space

Actually that’s not true – she takes the keenest interest in making your knees hurt and derives great pleasure from it.

I’m actually really good at fetching sticks. On dates, I usually try to work the conversation around, so I can casually mention it.

I tried ‘coming out’ by telling some female co-workers about my true sexual nature and I have to say I didn’t get anything like this understanding reaction. Actually, the entire experience was utterly humiliating and very painful. So that was nice.

It’s odd – when the lady who’s now my SO and I first got together, she always (well… both times, anyway) complained that I came too soon. Nowadays, apparently I take too long and she never has time, even though I’m pretty sure I’m quicker than ever. Women, eh?

“throne”?

The Divine Mistress Heather, of course. Divinity lessons have never been so intense.

Liasons dangereuses

Urban foxes maybe? We used to have urban foxes, round where I lived in London. They used to steal so many things: shoes, certainly. They’d even take the panties and bras off the clothes lines of my neighbours… Yeah. Nasty little beasts. Agile too, to leap up high enough to reach the clothes line.

No, no: don’t get up.

Actually, it’s not quite true that she doesn’t care about your feelings. Truth be told, she enjoys the thought of your misery. But she’s too kind to admit it.

That’ll teach her.

It’s a pretty effect, isn’t it? Makes a change from the usual striping.

Secondary sex characteristics

In case you’re wondering about the title, that’s the term used in biology for aspects of sex determination other than genitalia. So, for example, typical male secondary sex characteristics are incompetence, laziness and servility, while typical female ones include divinity, firmness and unapproachability. Secondary sexual characteristics can be particularly useful when the primary sexual characteristics are missing or too small to see.

Many people find such labelling unduly restrictive in these days of gender fluidity. I asked my SO what she thought my main sex characteristics were and she just looked puzzled and said she couldn’t think of any. So there’s hope for the world.

And soon he’ll have a lot.

Mistress Eleise, of course, who has more sexual characteristics than one could list in one hundred blog posts and even managed to retain her poise and grace on several occasions when her Paris apartment was flooded with an inundation of raw, untreated Servitor.

If you do everything she says voluntarily then you don’t get whipped – so where’s the compulsion in that?

Even in exile, the OWK ladies still speak fondly of the ‘Great Slave Rebellion, though the OWK itself is no more. There are rumours that the perpetrators are still imprisoned in cells deep beneath the grounds of the former utopia. An unlikely story, true, but they must be somewhere.

Welcome to Plan A.

Balloons? Anime cosplay?

Furious feminine

It’s not that ironic. He strongly disapproved of it while it was being done to him, too – more so than ever, if anything.

“We” did, although only only one of us did most of the actual talking, as I recall it.

You might want to refer her to your own ‘FAM’ – that’s ‘Frantic Appeals for Mercy’

The simply divine Mistress Heather. I for one would love to kiss the air above that foot tattoo, and even closer if allowed.

Thank goodness she realised you needed to be locked in chastity too. How awful it would be to be locked in a prison cell for months without any ability to suffer the erotic frisson of enforced chastity at the same time.

She also has a carving knife.

Slavish allegiance

Well, I’m… I mean they’re shoes, it’s no big… erm. Oh all right then.

Her client minds. But no one cares what he thinks.

Sounds complicated… I’ve forgotten the rules already. Good thing she’s got a whip.

A lot of men are a bit resistant to having an implant, but I’ve never heard a man who had it complain, so maybe the best thing is just give it a go?

Jeremy doesn’t complain, either. Obviously a very happy marriage.

I’ve suffered for my art

Now it’s your turn.

I suppose a little light felching’s not going to harm my heterosexual credentials.

Brave? I don’t know the meaning of the word ‘fear’. Janice does, though.

Safewords only work if you’re actually safe.

Goths, eh? Better humour her, she’s obviously very upset.

Or unless they commit serious crimes, such as making sexist jokes or publishing disrespectful captioned images of famous actresses, obviously.

Divine Order

I worship her divine shadow.

I’ve had a few bruising relationships myself, but I usually have to pay for them.

Unless she forgets, obviously.

It’s obviously preying on her mind, the poor thing.

I pay a sex worker to have vanilla intercourse, once a month. She usually sends me a picture of the lucky guy.

She’ll get round to yours. You just need to wait very patiently. Try shifting your weight from side to side a bit if your knees are starting to hurt.

Cries of pain are music for her banquet

A quote, or nearly so, from George Eliot, who shamefully had to pretend to be a man to get published. What an embarassment that must be, for a woman. Do you suppose she had to make spelling mistakes, miss deadlines and generally dumb down in correspondence with her publisher, just to appear authetically male?

Still, the quotation is rather a lovely image, isn’t it? Here are some more.

Her impotence treatment works every time – it’s a remarkable medical breakthrough, actually.

She seems nice. What a shame you’re nothing special. Better luck in Somalia.

She’s such a sweet person, wouldn’t hurt a fly in real life. Still: she’ll flog him bloody and then piss on the wounds, because that’s the kind of professional she is. Then go and have dinner with Dave and maybe a cuddle before bed.

Castration manga is actually a great way to interest girls in comic books, because it’s using the medium to speak to issues that concern them as women, you know? Also: it’s just a lot of fun, obviously.

He was quite fat when they started training him. Still some way off the target weight of zero that they are aiming for, but he’ll get there. In fact, he’s going to lose a whole bunch of weight all in one go next Thursday: they just haven’t told him yet.

Boss ladies

I understand in most modern social media platforms it’s just one of the standard tickboxes when you sign up. Of course, you can always choose “Don’t like to say” or “It’s complicated!”