male maid – Page 8 – Contemplating the divine

Service orientation

My SO’s always had the same rule. Sulky face = semen face. Simple, no argument.

Or breakfast, if you’re not hungry enough by tonight.

I’d end up paying a lot of guys for a lot of things, if that rule applied to me. It’s important to prioritise: to spend your money on the things that make her most happy.

Many people who get into porn movies just do it for a short time, but snuff movie stars, oddly enough, often spend the rest of their lives in the business.

My first girlfriend told me she was strongly opposed to corporal punishment of children. When I turned eighteen, I discovered she had strong views on the corporal punishment of adults, too.

She says…

… now baby just you shut your mouth.

Not complaining. It’s just that I usually make it through the first three minutes without one, that’s all.

Try to be reasonable. She is. She sees good in everyone actually – a rare gift.

Obviously, it’s all perfectly consensual. She asked for her husband to be beaten. And she’s got a safeword – you know, just in case it goes too far.

My SO and I are actually playing what I’m fairly sure is the longest game of tease and denial ever right now. We started on our wedding night and it’s just amazing. I tried calling the Guinness Book of Records people but they said it didn’t count because I am such a sad little loser.

Downton domination. More of these to come.

New year, same old nonsense

Just, more of it than usual.

It’s not that special. Chocolate log with a couple of profiteroles, basically. I could do that. I don’t see why they need such a big carving knife for it, either.

There are few surer ways to keep the romance of marriage alive than doing your wife’s boyfriend’s laundry, and picking things up around his apartment.

And they say there are no jobs for men in the modern workplace! There will always be shoes, I say and I don’t think we’re going to be seeing them cleaned over the Internet any time soon!

Probably. Or some other reason. Does it matter?

Don’t worry – they have a solar charger, so it’s very environmentally sound. Anyway, no one could seriously consider it a ‘waste’ of electricity to shock a man’s testicles, could they? It’s what electricity was invented for.

Mmm…. Sounds like there’s a heavy session in store! And without even having to pay! Well… not pay directly, anyway.

You can claim compensation from the airline, I expect. Then get another one. A nuisance but hardly the end of the world. Except for him, obviously.

I’m hoping to develop a bead-sorting fetish. Hasn’t happened yet, but there are many, many long nights ahead of me so there’s plenty of time.

I wish my wife would let me have a weekly allowance… imagine, money of my own to spend on whatever I want! But she says I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility and she’s probably right.

Or maybe next year.

The delightful Mistress Eleise, the best view ever to appear through a periscope, here to round off this bumper holiday bonanza of… you can supply your own word beginning with b.

And… just to finish off, a little found femdom starring the fabulous Emily Ratajkowski.
I recommend Mr Pinniped’s channel more generally, actually.

I hope all the female readers (OK, both the female readers) of this blog have a lovely 2019 and the rest of you have the miserable, soul-destroying time you so richly deserve and secretly crave.

Hurtful thoughts

I think writing lines is a ridiculous and pointless, tedious activity and there are few things I hate doing more than writing lines for hours at her command. I told her that just the other day. 500 times, in fact.

I did an interview once. Check it out if you want to find out about the real Servitor, behind the leather mask. Don’t read it if the thought of knowing the real Servitor makes you nauseous.

Ooh – looks like there might be a consciousness-raising session coming on!

There wasn’t much to begin with.

I often have ‘plenty to complain about’. Regretably, I’m not allowed so it all goes to waste.

Desperate househusbands

Oh dear… the guys are sure to laugh at me now. I mean… ‘LUT’. Doesn’t mean anything does it? How ridiculous.

I’m told that masturbating to porn can seriously diminish the male libido over the long run as well, so you just keep on doing what you’re doing, ‘k?

Actually, only one of them is going to be kissing in a very special place. Just after this conversation, the Mistresses decided it would be one orgasm between them, not one each. But no jealousy, sissies – play nice!

My SO is very good at dealing with feelings of guilt, too.

Edwardian femdom. There’s not enough of it about, in my opinion.

For who would bear the whips and scorns?

I once checked on a date-rating site after an evening with a very lovely lady and discovered she’d rated me lower than her vibrator. Which I wouldn’t mind so much, if that was the rating for sex but that was under ‘personality’.

She’s an expert negotiator.

Warning: the value of investment bankers can go down as well as up.

There’s also ‘maidspreading’. That’s when you stand with your legs held firmly apart with a spreader bar. It’s usually a precursor to something rather painful.

You’d think they’d have guessed from the spreader gag.

Dommesticated

Bliss. Link is, just for once, actually to something femdom-themed rather than random British music. Really , honestly. No, it’s not Rick Astley. I promise. Really – try it. It’s a very sweet and sexy thing.*

I tried one of those virtual girlfriend programmes. Something went wrong, though – after the first time I’d tried it, every time I started it up, the computer would just crash and shut down. I thought it must be a bug so I called the helpline but the lady there just laughed and said she thought there was nothing wrong with the software and she put the phone down on me and blocked my number. Computer-generated personalities can be startlingly lifelike these days, don’t you think?

Well, let’s hope she doesn’t just fall asleep as soon as she’s had her orgasm, this time.

Actually, most of my clothes these days are washable latex anyway. The blood just rinses right off, so no harm done.

Fortunately, when you get near your own neighbourhood most people will already know that.

Even Hollywood megastars have to pay for some things themselves, huh? Still… I expect she can afford it.

* PS You thought it was going to be Rick Astley, didn’t you? Don’t you trust me? Just admit it – you don’t trust me, do you? Trust’s important in BDSM. I’m hurt now… and not in a good way.

Scornography

Submissive husbands sometimes don’t realise how embarassing it must be for their partners to be married to such hopeless, pathetic losers.

She’s definitely one of those teachers that students will remember all their lives.

Another lady who takes pride in her work. They say pride is a sin but I’m pretty sure that’s not supposed to include women.

As if she didn’t have one packed for the honeymoon already.

Sure, no rush. Pain’s pain, at any time.

Slap me on the patio

I’ll take it now.

There must be lots of things you can do to take your mind off sex. Do some laundry maybe… or watch TV. The women’s tennis final is on, I understand. That should be exciting. Or beach volleyball. Anyway, it’s only for a few weeks, right?

My SO can be quite hard to please. I found it a bit dispiriting at first but then I learned about this technique for lowering the expectations you set yourself? So now I just aim for ‘Not totally furious with me’ and I hit that at least two days out of three, so that’s pretty good.

Unlike some human women, though, they won’t insist on going again while you’re still completely drained from the last time.

I took a personality test once. Apparently I don’t have one.

Don’t worry, she’s obviously not going to drain you to an empty husk all in one go. Look at that figure – she probably limits herself to a couple of pints of blood a day. You might even last a week.