female-led relationships – Page 10 – Contemplating the divine

Would you lace my shoe?

Anything!

I think she might secretly be seeing another man. That or she’s engaged a cleaning service. Bad news, either way.

But I don’t have speaking privileges with Kate just now. This doesn’t seem fair…

Maybe you could be more specific, next time you’re feeling horny – in about three weeks’ time or so.

I think teenagers should take on responsibilities – for household chores, for example. My step-daughter’s been supervising the way I clean her room and make her bed for over a year now, and she’s done a really thorough job. We’re thinking of giving her responsibility for the way I do her laundry and ironing too.

Amen. The original of course is here.

Back in harness

So, here we are. Back from my fabulous tour of the Greek islands. Well… I assume we toured the Greek islands. There aren’t actually any windows in the middle galley deck of a trireme, so I am not quite sure, but we definitely went from one place to another, sometimes quite fast. We had some lovely tour guides, who encouraged us along, while this big bald guy played a drum (somewhat repetitively in my view, but even the most sophisticated musical talent has to begin somewhere I suppose). These tour guides didn’t speak any English, but they managed to get their message across quite effectively.

I hope you all had a good time while I was gone. Back to normal, as from today.

I quite liked this one. Why should safewords only work in one direction?

If I got the chance, that is.

I hope she realises that we submissives need to stick together.

There are many words that sound like bitch. Very few that sound like cattle prod. Or feel like one.

Indeed we don’t. Not after the last time.

The strength of a woman

You know, I’ve forgotten what I was going to ask about now. Often happens. Oh well.

Remarkably, with that sniper rifle she can give herself an orgasm with an man who is anything up to a kilometre away.

Medical opinion is divided on the advisability of gagging castration patients during their operations. On the one hand, there are those who say it’s best to shut the bastards up; but on the other, there are surgeons who get off on the screaming. The debate continues, in the medical journals.

First dates can often be a bit embarassing… just go with it.

Busy busy.

Then someone falls in love… and someone’s beaten up

Actually, those things happened the other way around, but still… best day of my life.

No, it’s not medical malpractice. His daughters, as the responsible carers, have to approve any unusual ‘treatments’ he receives. And they have done.

That reminds me: you know those novelty jelly beans, where some taste awful? Modelled on Harry Potter, obviously. Well, I tried one that was supposed to be slug flavour the other day, and do you know, it was nothing like it? How can they get away with stuff like that?

It wasn’t me. I never.

Actually, there probably are some other things that would work. She just hasn’t tried them all yet.

I thought the air hostesses were supposed to look after unaccompanied males until they’ve got through Immigration?

Pertinent

I always try to be.

You could try combining the two?

She should really increase your housekeeping allowance, you know. I think you should take a stand on this. Be a man, you know?

Just a joke, OK? If you’re religious at all, please be reassured that I have the utmost respect for all religions. I uphold your right to worship your god, whatever you call Her.

She’s really making an effort to satisfy your fetish here.

Hmm. Looks like they didn’t read my email about my likes and dislikes in session. The corset is supposed to stay on. Plus, I’m pretty sure I didn’t request the whole plastic sheeting, knives and blood thing. I’ll have to have a word.

My company was charming

Well, what am I supposed to do with the other 38 seconds, then?

Thank goodness she’s looking out for me.

Don’t try to argue or plead your way out of it – it’s one of those Mars/Venus things, you know? She’s got some emotional issues that need to be worked out and until Gerald arrives, you’re the only one she can turn to.

In the femdom community, athlete’s foot is considered an STD.

You’ll notice she hasn’t put the surfboard on the fire yet. Another Mars/Venus moment, yeah? Any ideas why ? Hmm? No? Sigh…because she’s waiting to see if you’ll do it yourself without being specifically asked, you unfeeling brute. Obviously, this relationship is going to need a lot of work.

Charmful

Some men hope for threesomes. Me, I’m lucky if I get a onesome.

She’s also never owned an umbrella in her life.

He’s not looking forward to childbirth.

The sounds the floor makes are very different from those made by wood planking. But very pleasant, nonetheless.

Their ballroom is world famous.

Herarchy

And when she’s sure she makes sure you’re sure.

Giving until it hurts.

He is now.

Well, I hate being whipped, so I can see a difference of opinion there that won’t be easy to resolve. Still, better not tell her. It’ll only make her cross.

They’re already planning a sequel. With different male lead characters, obviously.

Since you made it all the way down here (try to work more quickly next time, OK? My Blogger stats show that most readers reach orgasm by the third caption so there’s really no excuse for needing all five) here’s a little extra.

The Portly Polar Pinniped has the best collection of ‘mainstream’ video clips I have ever seen. Many of them very much themed along the ‘women’s world’ that this blog so often celebrates. He must be a busy little aquatic mammal and you’ll want to check out both his uploaded videos and his playlists.

There’s too many to single out all my favourites. But check out this playlist. It starts with the Charlie’s Angels clip you’ve probably seen, but press on as I’ll bet there’s good stuff here you haven’t. Especially this (rather reminiscent of the Two Ronnies Worm that Turned of blissful childhood memory). Oh: and definitely – def-in-ite-ly – this. And so much more.

Flap your flippers together in appreciation of the portly pinniped!

I beg to differ

… but she rarely lets me.

I don’t want to do anything she disapproves of. It’s too painful.

Always expect the unexpected. Except on this blog, where we ran out of ideas years ago and just keep recycling the same old tropes.

It’s only a small bottle, but they deliver them in packs of 24, annoyingly.

Sure,
darling, of course, I… do you know, I don’t seem to have a pen with
me? What a shame, I’ll just – what’s that? You have one with you,
darling? Oh. Oh good. Right. So I just sign…? There. Right.