Category: castration

The strength of a woman


You know, I’ve forgotten what I was going to ask about now. Often happens.  Oh well.

Remarkably, with that sniper rifle she can give herself an orgasm with an man who is anything up to a kilometre away.

Medical opinion is divided on the advisability of gagging castration patients during their operations.  On the one hand, there are those who say it’s best to shut the bastards up; but on the other, there are surgeons who get off on the screaming.  The debate continues, in the medical journals.

First dates can often be a bit embarassing… just go with it.

Busy busy.


Contemplating the Devine

Impressively, one of the top search terms from visitors to this blog is a spelling mistake.  So this is a special post to celebrate the tens of thousands of pageviews by ‘readers’ who cannot spell the word ‘divine’. 

Welcome, guys (I think we can safely assume the gender balance of this particular sample swings heavily male). Just thought I should give you a shout out…you’ve been slowly typing the wrong word into Google for so many years now.  Yay!  Morons.


I’m aware of course that many of my ‘readers’ may not be native English speakers, so calling these people morons is unnecessarily insulting and might not be entirely fair.  But – DUH! – this is a blog for males who enjoy being unnecesarily insulted and treated unfairly – remember?  Morons.

Hey, guys, you know you should try booking a schoolboy session with one of those severe English schoolteacher dommes some time?  You’d be really good at it. Take some cold cream for the journey home.  


On with the devine imiges…



Oooh!  ‘Not as bad as it just conceivably might have been’?  Wow, that’s the nicest thing any woman’s ever said to me after sex.  Usually, they just say something along the lines of “Sorry – would you mind moving a bit further down the carriage?”. which I find very hurtful.






Males don’t really need lobotomies, truth be told.  Still, if it makes the little woman happy, you might as well let her have her way, hmm?


In the end, she just went for a more direct approach.

Yum.

Whimper.


Charmful




Some men hope for threesomes.  Me, I’m lucky if I get a onesome.


She’s also never owned an umbrella in her life.

He’s not looking forward to childbirth.

The sounds the floor makes are very different from those made by wood planking.  But very pleasant, nonetheless.

Their ballroom is world famous.


Herarchy



And when she’s sure she makes sure you’re sure.








Giving until it hurts.






He is now.






Well, I hate being whipped, so I can see a difference of opinion there that won’t be easy to resolve.  Still, better not tell her. It’ll only make her cross.




They’re already planning a sequel.  With different male lead characters, obviously.


 

Since you made it all the way down here (try to work more quickly next time, OK? My Blogger stats show that most readers reach orgasm by the third caption so there’s really no excuse for needing all five) here’s a little extra.

The Portly Polar Pinniped has the best collection of ‘mainstream’ video clips I have ever seen.  Many of them very much themed along the ‘women’s world’ that this blog so often celebrates. He must be a busy little aquatic mammal and you’ll want to check out both his uploaded videos and his playlists.

There’s too many to single out all my favourites. But check out this playlist.  It starts with the Charlie’s Angels clip you’ve probably seen, but press on as I’ll bet there’s good stuff here you haven’t. Especially this (rather reminiscent of the Two Ronnies Worm that Turned of blissful childhood memory). Oh: and definitely  – def-in-ite-ly – this.  And so much more.

Flap your flippers together in appreciation of the portly pinniped!

Until morale improves


There is actually a technique for pushing a pole all the way through a man’s alimentary canal without causing internal injuries.  Sadly, she doesn’t know it.

I would explain, but Someone doesn’t allow me to speak to strangers.  Or, indeed, people we know.

Residents staying for longer get a food dispenser too.  But you’ll be OK without – it’s only ten days.
 This is the lovely, clever and witty Tiffany Naylor, yet another Lady who has had the misfortune to encounter Servitor in ‘person’.
I’m surprised he can afford to visit her, on a teacher’s salary.  Still, he gets his money’s worth.

I’ve actually set up my loozr account so it automatically sends a message to any woman who spends longer than five minutes within ten metres of me.  I don’t know what the message says, but on the very rare ocasions it’s been used, it seems to have been quite effective.


Unmancipation

When I first started dating my SO, I’d often finish before She had a chance to come, but now things are more under control She typically has oh… two, three…maybe even four hundred orgasms before that happens.






It’s always embarassing when men have to go to what’s basically a girls’ night out, isn’t it? You kind of stand around awkwardly, watching the wives roaring with laughter while you make polite converation about ironing tips and suchlike.  Women are just better at social events… it’s because they’ve got more empathy.

 

Life will be a lot simpler.  You can do as she says or starve.

Big decision.  Don’t pressure her, OK?



I’m down on my hands and knees.  Point me to the broken glass.

Sexual kneeling


Mmm… concussion play.




To be fair, she did promise Simon a blow-job.  So don’t dawdle.

They did a guy last year who – purely by coincidence – actually developed tonsillitis two weeks later. It took forever to get him strapped down the second time, goodness only know what they poor thing thought they were planning to cut off on that occasion!

It likes looking at the pretty pictures and thinking naughty thoughts, though, doesn’t it?
Well, all right then. But I hope Mike doesn’t go talking about it at work on Monday, that’s all.


Conscious incompetence

That’s me…with occasional periods of unconsciousness, when She plays a little too vigorously.

I
don’t know about you, but I’ve reached the point in my life where just
stuffing high-value notes into an envelope gives me an erection.




He gets up early and sings his little song.

The irony is, they then use ordinary gelding clippers to remove what remains of the burnt semi-dissolved flesh. So it’s all a bit pointless, really.  Will you tell her, or shall I?


Unaccompanied males can enter the country on their own passports, of course.  It’s just leaving that’s forbidden.
Best not to argue, though.


Love is a danger of a different kind

It’s guilt edged, glamorous and sleek by design; you know it’s jealous by nature,
false and unkind.

Cuts and more cuts!  What do I pay my taxes for, I’d like to know?  Well… OK, I don’t actually pay taxes because I just get £5 a week pocket money.  But my wife pays taxes on my income, so I think this is just disgraceful.

That’s a rhetorical question.  No need to provide reasons in response.
Let’s find out.
Lose coffee privileges??  Ooh – hard limit!  Red, Mistress, red!

Which is quite often, obviously.

And when force is gone, there’s always Mom

Hi Mom!

She’s right you know.  It’s the first thing a new husband should learn: always ask permission.  Humbly.  Even when she’s being an impossible girl.

Boundaries, consequences… firmness.  I was reading about it in a book about making your marriage work.  Well… I say it was about marriage. Technically, it was about dog training.  But the principles are the same.

Best years of his life.  And many, many more to come, I suspect.

I am.  They have a mission statement, you know. It’s quite inspiring.  Oh… now what was it again?

Boundaries, consequences.  Didn’t I tell you?