too small to satisfy anyone – Page 3 – Contemplating the divine

Good harmful fun

…and nothing wrong with that.

They take pain management very seriously.

It’s best to double-check these things. I’ve been on at least two dates which ended up in an argument relating to a confusion between inches and centimetres – and on one of them my so-called ‘date’ actually beat me up.

Obviously, we should be trying to encourage more women to go into STEM subjects. Because technical progress and science are important – so best not left to morons.

That’s a relief. I was worried.

It just shows I’m a red-hot lurrve machine, surely?

The love that dare not speak

… without permission.

Perhaps you could write her a nice thank-you note while you’re wearing it.

No, they didn’t mention Rodney. I hope I don’t have to pay extra for him.

Just a soft little harmless thing.

When visting a French domme, once, I confused ‘quatorze’ (14) with ‘quarante’ (40). The difference is actually very easy to remember, when the 26 ‘extras’ are laid on with full force.

She believes in having honest relationships with her clients. Most dommes do. It must be awful for vanilla sex workers, having to pretend to like their clients and to enjoy their nasty desires.

Inter-disciplinary

Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll get the hang of it.

I once had a date with a girl who claimed never even to have heard of SPH, but she was really good at it. I guess some people are naturals.

“Let the butt plug take the strain” was actually one of my few successes when I worked as an advertising copywriter.

On your toes and bent over – at the same time. Welcome to the modern marriage.

Radical.

Graceless, Feckless, Aimless and Pointless

… that’s me. But also characters in a novel by the divine Stella Gibbons which contains little if any femdom, I’ll admit, although Kate Beckinsale takes a rather firm hand with people in an entirely non-kinky way in the movie.

Now: something nasty from the woodshed.

She’s actually strictly vanilla. Very strictly.

I feel you ought to say something about this.

Oh, I hate mandatory penile minimum rules, don’t you? It started out just with the nightclubs, and I can understand that, but I took my suit to the dry cleaners the other day, they insisted on a measurement and they wouldn’t take my suit unless I scrubbed and ironed for four hours, just for being four inches below the required minimum length! It doesn’t seem fair.

Don’t make Mommy use her cattleprod, now!

There are no ‘problems’, only solutions.

Society for the Promotion of Cruelty

Possibly insufficient levels of whatever hormone it is induces feelings of terror, too.

I once paid for this stunningly beautiful escort to go with me to a party. She was supposed to laugh at my jokes but I think her agency must have messed things up because in the event, she laughed at everything except my jokes. Still, it was lovely being with her, at least until she got off with my best friend and abandoned me. Quite expensive, though.

Looks cosy.

It’s the sound of one hand clapping.

This the lovely Amy Hunter, who once left me battered, bruised and happy. She has startlingly blue eyes and a startlingly painful tawsing technique too.

It’s funny how dommes constantly insist on being thanked for stuff like this. Do you think maybe they have self-esteem issues?

Kind hearts and martinets

I shot an arrow in the air; she fell to earth in Berkely Square. Warning: safe for work and unrelated.

I’ll confess to anything because I’m guilty guilty guilty!

As long as there’s wi-fi.

Don’t be so suspicious.

“Isn’t that silly” is a phrase I used to hear a lot on dates, oddly enough.

It’s good to feel useful, now there’s nothing to do but hang around the house all day. I’m worried we might run out of toilet paper, though. Goodness knows what we’d do, then.

The thing

You know – the thing that’s going on. That thing. Here are some hurriedly thrown together captions about the thing.

You see, it’s just like I always say. Everything is femdom.

Even the thing.

So… those are my captions about the thing. Now, as I’m just sitting around at home all day, these days, I’ll just get back to reading the Trip to Matilda’s story on Freddie’s blog. Which I am enjoying a lot, actually. You might too, who knows? Only one way to find out, isn’t there?

Dark-hearted commentary

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. And so do hunger, cold, discomfort and terror.

It’s actually the sign of a really considerate, thoughful guy not to protest when his date decides to fuck someone else whose more attractive. Sweet guys like that are the ones that the really hot girls all want to settle down with, eventually. I’m told.

They taste much the same. Don’t wriggle quite as much while you’re waiting for permission to chew, that’s the only real difference, I find.

He has ambitions to be a Junior Housemaid’s assistant, but I suspect that’s beyond his reach. Still, one can dream.


If it’s sunny, he’d better wear a hat. Fortunately he has lots of hats: it’s almost the only kind of present he ever gets.* Everyone seems to think it’s such an original gift idea… it would be heartless to tell them – and despite everything, he’s not a bitter man.

* Thank you Iain M Banks, Use of Weapons.

Her whip, her rules

She could well be right. Early on in our relationship, my SO visited a therapist who told her to try dealing with her feelings frustration by beating the living daylights out of me. Worked.

You get health benefits too – mostly regular exercise and a healthy diet.

I guess we’re both disappointed about the whole situation.

That’s a museum ship, by the way: HMS Belfast. Worth a visit, if you’re in London, but the guns obviously can’t fire any more and all the seamen left a long time ago.

The lovely Mistress Sidonia, of course. Oddly enough, I understand she began her career as a submissive, but she has amply paid back the male sex in the years since.

My own car just stays locked in the garage all the time, these days. I don’t know why I bother to keep it, really.

Thankful for small cruelties

More and more companies are discovering the benefits of setting up dedicated disciplinary departments. Of course, any good manager knows that she should try to deal with performance issues in person whenever possible, but there’s only so many hours in the day.

There’s an honesty about femdom that’s sometimes lacking in other areas of professional sex work, I believe.

So we did.

I went to a financial advisor and explained to her how exciting I found financial domination and she said I should seek professional help. Which is exactly what I was doing… very confusing. So I explained that I wanted her to take all my money with no explanation and never give me anything in return – and it was her turn to look confused, because apparently that’s exactly what she does, as an independent financial advisor.

I get a bit fed up with being asked that. Why do professional ladies assume I’m into SPH? It’s the first question every doctor I’ve ever had has asked me, for instance.

The lovely Miss Zoe, of course. Another lady who has suffered the misfortune of having to put the actual real-life Servitor across her knee… but she has preserved her sanity intact. Apparently you can confess to her here. Be truthful, now.