spanking – Page 5 – Contemplating the divine

The unkindness of strangers

… and loved ones, for that matter.

Aww… she gave you an advisory warning. Many new brides wouldn’t… she seems rather sweet.

Very fair point. The unfair bit is that homosexuality’s illegal there, so not only do they force you to suck off other inmates, they give you an extra 20 years for it.

‘Normally’? I’m normally out on the landing desperately hoping she’ll throw my trousers out after me at this point. So… new situation. Scrabble?

I hope she moves to a lower chair.

Actually, this is described quite clearly in Revelations. You just have to read it with the Bible held at the correct angle, in the right light. And Contemplate the Divine.

Society for the Promotion of Cruelty

Possibly insufficient levels of whatever hormone it is induces feelings of terror, too.

I once paid for this stunningly beautiful escort to go with me to a party. She was supposed to laugh at my jokes but I think her agency must have messed things up because in the event, she laughed at everything except my jokes. Still, it was lovely being with her, at least until she got off with my best friend and abandoned me. Quite expensive, though.

Looks cosy.

It’s the sound of one hand clapping.

This the lovely Amy Hunter, who once left me battered, bruised and happy. She has startlingly blue eyes and a startlingly painful tawsing technique too.

It’s funny how dommes constantly insist on being thanked for stuff like this. Do you think maybe they have self-esteem issues?

Leading ladies

Oh, it would be just awful lying across that skirt having your backside whacked repeatedly with a heavy wooden hairbrush, don’t you think? Awful. No, no, please don’t do that.

Well at least she’s giving you a choice.

Oddly enough, it’s quite common to experience a powerful orgasm at the actual moment of castration. Usually the surgeon just needs to take a moment to get her breath back and then finish the operation, though.

I see a happy ever after on the horizon.

You know, I write a lot here about being told I was ‘the worst fuck ever’ on dates, but actually it’s only happened to me once.

Lock me down, lock me up

I don’t have much time to think about sex – too busy running this blog and there’s nothing remotely sexy here.

If I’m an adult man, surely I should be allowed to stay up after 8 o’clock?

I never know if it’s one kiss or two.

Only a bit useful. But that’s more than he used to be.

Maybe she’s only looking at Tumblr. No naked women on Tumblr. Vile racism, lies and misinformation, even ‘humorous’ captions about torture and castration, reblogged from here. But no ladies with their clothes off, than goodness, so society is safe.

Slavish allegiance

Well, I’m… I mean they’re shoes, it’s no big… erm. Oh all right then.

Her client minds. But no one cares what he thinks.

Sounds complicated… I’ve forgotten the rules already. Good thing she’s got a whip.

A lot of men are a bit resistant to having an implant, but I’ve never heard a man who had it complain, so maybe the best thing is just give it a go?

Jeremy doesn’t complain, either. Obviously a very happy marriage.

Heaven-sent

… and very nice too*

All the ways I could be a better husband? Wow. I think I’m going to need two days locked in the stocks, at least.

What a lot of fuss, about a routine operation. You’d think I was the first person whose tonsils she’d removed. I… hang on… didn’t I have my tonsils out when I was a teenager?

Oh, don’t worry: I’ll keep looking. I might cry a little, if that’s OK.

She insists on her tea being just the way she likes it. Also the ironing, bed corners, washing up, bookshelves, underwear drawer, bath, breakfast, ornaments, cushions, carpets, gin & tonic, shoes, lawn, floor tiles, nail polish, ….

The splendidly-named Miss Hunter, on whose wall I would love to end up as a trophy.

Many dommes find the things we submissives do disgusting. That’s why they so enjoy hitting us.

* but if anyone happens to be able to locate the scene in the British sitcom Game On (rather a lovely ‘situation’: sad male failures share flat with goddess) in which Samantha Janus rushes around putting her make-up on to this song, I’d be most grateful.

Downton on your knees

Sorry about that. I find it hard to resist a pun, no matter how bad. If only there were someone who could mete out painful consequences for such lapses of judgement on my part… whom I could pay to judge me, find fault and punish me. But obviously no such profession exists, so I suppose I’ll just carry on.

Anyway, Downton day today! I won’t say where I got the photos. You might recognise the sytyle, I’ve used similar before. The photographer has a lot more on his web site and I’m sure you can find it but probably best not to jump there straight from this site as I doubt he would appreciate this particular use of his images. I wouldn’t want to have to take this post down … ton.

P.S. Nothing at all to do with Downton but Oh My Goddess look at this!

When a boy loves a woman

He’d give up all his comforts and sleep out in the rain, if she said that’s the way it ought to be.

Free healthcare?

Perhaps you could charm her into giving you a free drink.

Any man complaining about how frustrated he feels in chastity is just missing the point. Still: the wives are involved now, so things should get back on track.

Music has charms. So does she.

No rush. He can stay like that for a long time. Let’s talk through those options.

Domestic tyranny…

… domestic bliss.

They say old age can be like a second childhood.

My SO and I tried something like that but it turned out my boss was gay! Quite an embarassing situation, as you can imagine, but he saw the funny side and actually since then, our working relationship has been closer than ever.

We are.

OK. But always with dignity, yeah?

I think’darling’ must have misread the signals. I don’t have that problem any more, because we only ever go out with my genitals wired up to the electrics. Of course, I don’t get heavy shocks in public but a few little reminders – or an instruction to go off to find a bathroom cubicle for a good zapping – keep me nicely in line. In fact, she’s considering learning morse code.

Freddie’s back

If you like Contemplating the Divine* then you will certainly have loved Freddie’s Tales.** You, therefore, like me, will have been devasted when Freddie’s Tales disappeared from one day to the next. Also like me, therefore***, you will be absolutely delighted that Freddie is back, with a new blog and no doubt just raring to produce more of those fabulous Beetle books.

So get yourself over to Freddie’s new blog. I – hey come back! I didn’t mean now. Read the captions below first, moron. That’s what you came here for, right? Men… I dunno.

My SO and I have been experimenting with pre-signed suicide notes. It’s a kind of next-level thing, you know? Edgy, I know, but it works for us.

I think I can give her 110%.

Sounds like you are actually going to be discussing it… at length. But not until you’re safely married.

Consent seems to be a theme of this post. That’s because it’s so important. My SO always insists that I consent to everything she does to me.

Thank goodness they no longer hunt foxes. That was so cruel.

* And if you don’t like Contemplating the Divine what the fuck are you doing here? Are you some kind of weird masochist or something? Freak.

** Except the Femsub bits, obviously. One day, I hope young Freddie will meet a lady who will set him right about the suitability of that sort of material.

*** Writing this, I realise how uncannily similar we are, you and I. We laugh at the same things, cry together – we should get a drink some time, yeah?