Graceless, Feckless, Aimless and Pointless

… that’s me.  But also characters in a novel by the divine Stella Gibbons which contains little if any femdom, I’ll admit, although Kate Beckinsale takes a rather firm hand with people in an entirely non-kinky way in the movie.

Now: something nasty from the woodshed.

She’s actually strictly vanilla. Very strictly.




I feel you ought to say something about this.




Oh, I hate mandatory penile minimum rules, don’t you?  It started out just with the nightclubs, and I can understand that, but I took my suit to the dry cleaners the other day, they insisted on a measurement and they wouldn’t take my suit unless I scrubbed and ironed for four hours, just for being four inches below the required minimum length!  It doesn’t seem fair.




Don’t make Mommy use her cattleprod, now!



There are no ‘problems’, only solutions.


Fantastic terrors never felt before




She shall press, ah, nevermore!





Worst fudge ever?  Of course, I’d want to stay out of Devon.


I think it’s sad, to see magnificent beasts penned up in dark underground enclosures, like that.  They should be free to roam the snow-covered fields.
 Mistress Courtney and, erm… another goddess and two maggots, there.

It’s a good point, actually: I do like paella.  So, I suppose I have to be whipped.  Damn – I hate it when she uses logic on me!
There are other extras.  Not as many as there were, but there’s an endless supply waiting patiently outside the studio door.



Don’t worry her pretty little head about it

Because she really doesn’t care.  Just suffer in silence, unless she prefers you to suffer noisily.



In case any readers are thinking of trying this, removal of male sexual organs should only ever be carried out under the supervision of a trained medical professional, OK?  The shooting club from where the photo was taken always has a qualified paramedic on standby. So they can enjoy their sport, without any serious health risks.

Mmm….  You wanted a cruel and sexy findomme, right?

Anna’s always too soft on them. Look at all that puppy fat he’s put on too!  Soon sort that out.

It’s funny how many men say they want their wives to take charge but as soon as they get thrown out naked and without a penny, start whining about how that wasn’t what they wanted.
The girls at my school used to play skipping games. In fact, my first proper beating was with a skipping rope doubled over and soaked in water. Happy days. 


Oppressed desires

When I look at her, something about her gaze reminds me of my SO.  And the woman in the picture looks like someone I know, too.
They do such a fine job: still delivering healthcare and anti-rape services to the nation despite all the financial cuts

Remember femdom rule number one: never engage in unsafe activities like really pissing your domme off.
I’ve heard there’s a game called Prison Architect but I’ll bet it doesn’t have as many options as this.

Actually, though, cigarette ash is low-calorie, fat free and even vegan.  So it can be a very healthy part of a diet, mixed together with other foodstuffs, which is exactly how I take it.



You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things

… and it’s worth it.

They still holiday in the same place, and go down to the lake to the pier and occasionally she pushes him in for old times’ sake.  It’s not always at the same time of year but it still has the same magic.  Last February the ice was so thick it didn’t break when he fell on it – so much for global warming, huh?


Some men find it annoying and restrictive having to wear a shock collar, but really – it’s ten minutes sitting plugged in by the wall most days… maybe 15 minutes at most after a lot of use?  Then you’re fully charged and can get on with your life in whatever way takes her fancy.  It just takes a little planning that’s all.

Many men get excited at the thought of watching passionate lesbian sex, but believe me after a few years you kinda start to feel a bit jealous?  Silly, I know…

 

Apparently
she’s having the schoolroom fitted out already.  If she’s not even
pregnant yet, I have to say that seems a little premature.




As I’ve always said: there’s no job a woman can do that a man can’t do too.  Just more slowly, not as well and with someone of a superior gender in charge to make sure he doesn’t fuck it up.  Which, admittedly, doesn’t work too well when flying a plane.  But Billy can have his dreams – then he’ll grow up, meet a nice girl who’ll sweep him off his feet and he’ll settle down as a happy househusband, I expect.

Subjugatrices




Goodness, no. Once would quite enough – look at that horrible thing!  You know, I’ve been resisting my SO’s demands to let Her act out Her castration fantasy for years but She just went on and on about it and I finally said yes.  But I was very firm. Once – just once, and then we’re not going to hear anything more about it, OK? So… that’s done.






Dog food looks awfully fatty but actually you can lose weight quite effectively on a diet of nothing else – particularly if you have difficulty keeping it down.


She’s been showing her love for you with various men for a while now, actually.  This just makes it official.

She makes a very valid point, there. I think you might have to agree with her. Always.

And right now Mistress would like to get the clients safely locked away, take off that ridiculous and uncomfortable clothing and put her feet up with a mug of hot chocolate for an evening in front of the TV, thank you very much.  So in you go.


Charmful




Some men hope for threesomes.  Me, I’m lucky if I get a onesome.


She’s also never owned an umbrella in her life.

He’s not looking forward to childbirth.

The sounds the floor makes are very different from those made by wood planking.  But very pleasant, nonetheless.

Their ballroom is world famous.


Herarchy



And when she’s sure she makes sure you’re sure.








Giving until it hurts.






He is now.






Well, I hate being whipped, so I can see a difference of opinion there that won’t be easy to resolve.  Still, better not tell her. It’ll only make her cross.




They’re already planning a sequel.  With different male lead characters, obviously.


 

Since you made it all the way down here (try to work more quickly next time, OK? My Blogger stats show that most readers reach orgasm by the third caption so there’s really no excuse for needing all five) here’s a little extra.

The Portly Polar Pinniped has the best collection of ‘mainstream’ video clips I have ever seen.  Many of them very much themed along the ‘women’s world’ that this blog so often celebrates. He must be a busy little aquatic mammal and you’ll want to check out both his uploaded videos and his playlists.

There’s too many to single out all my favourites. But check out this playlist.  It starts with the Charlie’s Angels clip you’ve probably seen, but press on as I’ll bet there’s good stuff here you haven’t. Especially this (rather reminiscent of the Two Ronnies Worm that Turned of blissful childhood memory). Oh: and definitely  – def-in-ite-ly – this.  And so much more.

Flap your flippers together in appreciation of the portly pinniped!

Femdommish

Fortunately, the best man’s speech wasn’t as embarassing as these things sometimes are. I guess it’s hard to give a funny speech, when the bride’s sucking you off.

My wife likes to try adventurous sex, in all sorts of different public places.  It’s pretty exciting for me, too, when she comes home to tell me all about it.

Well, looks like you won’t be the only man on the gender studies course!

She’s really good at ‘bitter, revengeful ex-girlfriend’ scenes too.  But she does charge extra.

I think that’s quite an important point.  I mean, just because she tortures unwilling victims to death, that doesn’t mean that’s the only thing you can say about her, you know? She’s a complete human being into lots of different stuff – don’t judge her, OK?


Imagine no possessions

It’s easy if you try – and find the right life-partner.

How do you like them apples?

Aww… that’s rather sweet.  I hope he’ll be OK after she retires next monh.
I
can’t stand those macho men who boast about the size of their chastity
belts, can you? It’s not the size that matters anyway, it’s what you’re
not allowed to do with it.

Now isn’t that just typical? Something goes wrong and she just assumes it’s Roger’s fault!  Maybe the guests got the date wrong, did she think of that? I expect Roger’ll have a few words to say to her, if he can still speak after the whipping. And if she removes the spreader gag, obviously.

Of course, if she’s fully paid up with a lump sum, then the longer he lives, the more it’ll cost the divorcee storage firm.  Still, I’m sure they won’t allow thoughts of that to divert them from behaving professionally towards him at all times.







….and just forRalph D:


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