Category: science fiction

Slap me on the patio

I’ll take it now.  


There must be lots of things you can do to take your mind off sex.  Do some laundry maybe… or watch TV.  The women’s tennis final is on, I understand.  That should be exciting.  Or beach volleyball.  Anyway, it’s only for a few weeks, right?









My SO can be quite hard to please.  I found it a bit dispiriting at first but then I learned about this technique for lowering the expectations you set yourself?  So now I just aim for ‘Not totally furious with me’ and I hit that at least two days out of three, so that’s pretty good.

Unlike some human women, though, they won’t insist on going again while you’re still completely drained from the last time.


I took a personality test once.  Apparently I don’t have one.

Don’t worry, she’s obviously not going to drain you to an empty husk all in one go. Look at that figure – she probably limits herself to a couple of pints of blood a day.  You might even last a week.






Miss-judged



I’ve been a very bad wolf.

Actually, there’s a funny story about this one.  It turned out there were no fewer than three Miguels on the beach!  So as you can imagine things got a little embarassing – and of course we soon ran out of condoms and beer, so I had to run back to the shop. Still, it all worked out OK in the end.

You can cary an orgasm donor card, you know: ‘I want to help someone come when I die’?  Not that it really makes much difference, but prior consent is a thing with some people.

I think he’s looking at her funny now.  Some men never learn, huh?

And the evening, and the next day too, if need be. One wrist can outlast a great many bottoms, as any schoolmistress will attest.


She’s pure as New York snow

and if you’re lucky I expect she’ll tease you.

I expect she was just joking.  Like the castration stuff – you shouldn’t take her too seriously when she says things like that.








Well, OK, as long as I don’t have to try to be brave.
So she should.

It worked on the first seven males she encountered.  Not the brightest, human males, are they?
Two lonely people… why not give it a go? What’s the worst that can happen?


I’m gonna give you some terrible thrills

Like a…

Earth… it’s like a drive-in burger bar for hungry space travellers.

My signalling organ is permanently set to ‘silent mode’.
Not going to work – you need to use an internationally recognised safeword as established by the Geneva Convention.  In Esperanto.


I’m sure he’d like to apologise to her and to women in general, for the thoughtless behaviour that got him into his mess.  Trouble is, that mouth’s not really built for speaking. Plus, everyone he’s going to meet from now on is likely to be a man.




What do you mean, it’s not science fiction?  This is your future.

Fragile masculinity

…and that’s a precious thing, because – oops!  Dropped it.  Oh well.  I never really used it anyway.  I’ll fetch a dustpan and brush, shall I, Ma’am?

Now that sounds like a man who’s strong enough to say sorry.







We hold these truths to be self-evident.  That all men are created feral.

Perhaps if you save up, you could buy her time for an evening or something. On your wedding anniversary, for example.  That would be a nice gesture.

Divorce in haste, repent at leisure.  The positive thing is that he’s actually still seeing quite a lot of his wife, which I think is very healthy.

 

It’s called ‘I dare you even to think about not telling the truth, you devious little brat.’


What is femininism anyway?

Philomena Cunk has the answer.  Men are just like women really, they’ve got their own little personalities.


Not femdom – I just adore Diane Morgan.


This that follows is femdom, obviously.

A romantic moment. Treasure it.

Hmmm. Now if only I could unlock this collar, to get the word out to the other men…  Oh well.

She sounds even Mina than the lovely ladies in the picture.

Nothing to be embarrassed about.  Unless you enjoy that sort of thing.

Or why the world’s hair is such a weird colour.






Before you start, you’re already beat

Ohhh, ohhhh, ohhhh.

Hmm.  You could try asking her where she saw it last?

Never presume.


The performance reviews are considerably more stringent, for a start.

She’s good on indifference curves too.

Just for grumpy old Mr Anonymous who commented on the last post.

Just thought I’d share a link to ‘Hbear’ AKA Drunksimian, a femdom artist whom I’ve only just discovered – amazingly enough, as I love femdom art (if I could draw I would not caption photos!) and I’m always looking for it.  I think these are great – they’re mostly along rather heavy ‘prison guard in leather themes’, a bit like early Sardax or Nanshakh.  Worth checking out if you’re into that


Alternative facts

I know you all yearn for a Goverment committeed to the smack of firm but loving matriarchal discipline but if we’ve learnt anything over the last year or two, it’s that in politics anything can happen and it doesn’t always turn out the way we might like.


As for those males commited to absurd old-fashioned notions like sexual equality and who might think that the future envisaged under President Hathaway is oppressive (to be honest, not many such males read this blog), they need to be aware that another world is certainly possible.  

I was going to say “your choice, guys”.  But of course, it won’t be.


 

Phone protocol




Lovemachine Serviceline, I’m Karen, how can I help?

It’s to do with your sexbot?  OK.  Is
there a problem?

No? 
Oh.  If there’s no problem then why did you…?

You just want to tell me how wonderful
your sexbot
is?  Everything about her is perfect?  OK sir.  Well, that’s very nice. Now, if you don’t
mind, I’ll – 

She’s a series 5800?  Wow. 
Top of the range, huh? No wonder you’re so pleased with her.

‘She’s beautiful and you’re a lucky man
even to be granted the privilege of licking her boots?’  Oh..kay. 
I think maybe I’m getting the idea. 
Can you tell me which programme you’re running?
 

‘Domina Deborah”?  I see. 
And you’re running that right now, I take it?  How’s that been going?

You have been ‘lucky enough to be granted
the honour of serving her and being corrected for your many faults’.  Ooh. You had the setting all the way up to
10, didn’t you?  
What’s that?  Yes, I imagine you would have to be grateful.  Very grateful indeed.  I’ve seen the specs for the programme.  She’s not an easy lady to please, is she?  

OK, well it’s easy enough to fix.  There’s  a small switch behind her ear, so if you reach up, you can – 

‘You’re not allowed to raise your head above her knee height’?  Yeah, OK, I can see that would be difficult.  Can you try just reaching up and –

Ooh – that sounded nasty!  Are you all right?




Yes, I suppose you are ‘a very lucky boy to have such a beautiful Mistress play close attention to you’, aren’t you?  Sounds like you’re going to need the reset safeword before she pays you so much attention you lose consciousness.




The reset safeword.

You did create a reset safeword
before running the programme?

No? 
Why don’t you men ever read instructions?  Then you’re a very silly boy, aren’t you? Are you going to ask me nicely
for the default reset safeword?

No, more nicely than that.  Call me Mistress Karen.

Well that’s not a very nice word is it? I
don’t think Domina
Deborah is going to like that.  Hello?

Hello?

Caller?

Oh well. 
Cos if you’d asked really nicely, I could even have done a remote
reset.  But you didn’t. So I won’t.

Lovemachine Serviceline.  I’m Karen, how can I help?