Let’s do the time-warp again


Those of you who have been reading this blog from the very begining in 2011 are very, very bad and perverted people who deserve to be forcibly  may well recall that one of the very first posts was of the front pages of some magazines that had fallen through a erm… worm hole time dimensional vortex thingummy and landed on my desk.

Oh yes, you do remember. Of course you do. Stop lying – has no one ever told you it’s very naughty to lie, boy? Hmm? Look – just go here if you’re one of those johnny-come-latelies who’ve only started reading this in the last five years, OK?

The title was a little odd.  I think back then I was occasionally trolling the followers of a rather devout Christian who had a blog of the same name, so there were a lot of religiously titled posts.  He’s now publishing religious blog posts in the form of piss-takes of femdom porn too, oddly enough, so it all seems entirely fair.

Anyway: three magazines had arrived from the far future… 2014*, 2017 and 2019.  I must have missed my copy of Subbie Hubbie Monthly back in 2014, but I have already reserved my copy of Dominant Lady Quarterly (at the special male price of just £2500 per copy), so I am looking forward to April.

Anyway (again): it happened a second time!  Would you believe it?  Three magazines, no doubt from the faaaaar far distant future.  These ones don’t actually have dates on them, oddly enough.  So.. yeah, here they are.


* Well I didn’t know this blog was going to be going on so long, did I?  I thought I’d have something better to do with my time by now. Oh well.




 




If voting changed anything….

Generally this blog doesn’t comment on political or topical events but…but… is there anyone out there who still thinks it’s a good idea to let men vote?  I mean, really?  Could there be better proof that politics is just not something that we should bother our silly little heads about?  It’s not as if I’d mind the smack of firm government in the right hands, but…


Oh well.  Life goes on and I suppose there are things to be thankful for.  Not being Estonian, Latvian or Lithuanian just now, for example.  

Probably best just to think about happier things, like torture, forced labour and humiliation.  So, back to business as usual.

Hmmm
“breath play”?  Well, I guess being breathed upon can’t be so bad. 
Thank goodness – I thought she was in a vengeful mood after I broke that
ornament of hers.
Actually, it’s fairly obviously the whipping post by the fountain.  The one by the walled garden is already occupied by his lordship.
Of course, this isn’t the first time he’s been on his knees since then. In fact, he’s rarely off them in her presence these days.

Devil Planet, Space 1999.  The gift that keeps on giving.

Actually her sister’s much more the vicious sadist than she is.  She can only get off when she’s making a man scream hysterically in pain. She keeps it very separate from her dentistry, though – she’s professional like that.


Unsafe words

…and some bloody dangerous pictures too.

Ah, you always need to watch out for the feminine, unthreatening ones.  And even more for the feminine, extremely threatening ones, obviously.


Oh well.  Something to do while waiting to drive her home, I suppose.

I imagine most readers of this blog will mainly be familiar with this actress from Walk All Over Me, but I understand she was also in a science fiction series on TV.


She wishes she didn’t have to do this, you know.  She hates pain.  Oh no, hang on – that’s him.  Never mind.  She’s fine with it. 


Actually, I come closest to achieving self respect in precisely those circumstances.  But it’s never that close, admittedly.

…and a bonus topical one: 
 

And all I do is kiss you through the bars of a cage

… well I would if you put your boot a little closer, anyway.


 

About that which we cannot speak, we must remain silent.
Dommes.. they’re all about rules.
 This is the delightful Domina Liza.  I think I’d be happy in her cage forever, if I could see her dressed in green, setting off that stunning auburn hair, from time to time.
Regrets? He’s had a few.  And he’ll have plenty of time for a few more.




Well, he does need a new companion. Some might say the adventures would be a little dull, if he’s never allowed out.  But I’d watch it.
If you know what this caption is about, you might also enjoy this.  Or you might not.




What do you mean, this one doesn’t fit today’s ‘cage’ theme?  Of course it does.  The cage isn’t actually in the picture, because it hasn’t been delivered yet.  But it’ll be ready for you when you get back from honeymoon.




Reprogrammed






connect/uplink/sexbot/main/12
remoteconnection established
sexbot blonde_type9 awaiting authentication
authenticating admin
admin “wehatemales” password ********
incorrect password

admin “wehatemales” password ********
incorrect password
…waiting
…waiting

admin “wehatemales” password ********
password authenticated

sexbot blonde_type9 admin control confirmed

admin “wehatemales” protocol/current query
sexbot blonde_type9: protocol/current = “bride”
admin “wehatemales” protocol:override
sexbot blonde_type9: protocol/current reset

admin “wehatemales” protocol/current query
sexbot blonde_type9: protocol/current = “”

admin “wehatemales” firstlaw:override
sexbot blonde_type 9: “confirm to over-ride first law.  WARNING sexbot may harm humans unless first law enabled!”
admin “wehatemales” firstlaw:override confirm
sexbot blonde_type 9: firstlaw disabled – WARNING first law disabled!

admin “wehatemales” firstlaw/warning disable
sexbot blonde_type 9: firstlaw/warning disabled

 
admin “wehatemales” currentowner/query
sexbot blonde_type 9: currentowner = “Dave”
admin “wehatemales” Dave/controlrights/rescind
sexbot blonde_type 9: Dave/controlrights = 0

admin “wehatemales” protocol/define “castratrix”
sexbot blonde_type9: protocol/castratrix created
admin “wehatemales” instructionset/download “castrate_slow”
sexbot blonde_type 9: downloading instructionset

…module “sexchat_kinky” – downloaded

…module “bondage_secure” – downloaded

…module “sexchat_wehatemalesmanifesto” – downloaded

…module “castration_slow” – downloaded

…module “forcefeed_testicles” – downloaded

…module “wehatemales_logo_tattoo” – downloaded

instructionset “castrate_slow” – download complete
admin “wehatemales” protocol:set “castratrix”
admin sexbot blonde_type9 protocol/current query
sexbot blonde_type9: protocol/current = “castratrix”
admin “wehatemales” set Dave/queryresponse/protocol = “bride”
sexbot blonde_type9: protocol/real = “castratrix”,
protocol/Dave/queryresponse = “bride”
admin “wehatemales” set status: “waiting”
sexbot blonde_type9: waiting

…waiting

…waiting

…waiting

…waiting

…waiting

…waiting

 owner/Dave detected

         
chatroutine_sexy_protocols/Dave/greeting

         
chatroutine_sexy_protocols/Dave/sexproposal

         
chatroutine_sexy_protocols/Dave/foreplay

“castrate_slow” target:Dave

begin

Love is…

… savage and cruel and it shines like destruction.

Or at least, I’ve always found it to be so.

I usually deal with it by shrieking like a little girl, thrashing helplessly against the bonds and frantically begging for forgiveness. I guess everyone has their own way, huh?
 
 
 

 

She shouldn’t worry about a thing. He’s really good at toppling over onto his side.
 
 

 

Yes, I suppose that would be very special.
 
 

 

Well, that’s a bit last-minute isn’t it?   Honestly – that Raoul!  He does make me cross sometimes, he really does.
 
 
Letting daylight in on industrial light and magic.
 

Making babies together

Hey there!  Morning
tiger!
  How ya doing?
You want to ring a doctor? Oh!  Why?  Is something wrong?

Awww… not too personal to tell me, surely honey?
Not gonna tell? OK. Let me guess. The end of your prick has swollen up and it’s
red and sore, right?
  And you’re feeling
kinda woozy?

 
Uh huh.  Well, I know
what that is.

What!??  No!  It is NOT a sexually transmitted
disease.
  Honey!
No, it’s much more beautiful
than that. We’re going to have a baby!
 
Well… I am.  But you’re going to
hatch it.

Remember when we fucked last night, and you felt a sudden
sharp sting at the end of your cock?
 
Well, that was me! And it wasn’t a sting, it was an egg-laying
proboscis.
  And right now my lovely
little daughter is all curled up inside your cock, ready to grow.

No…no, don’t try to leave, honey.  She wants to be with her Mommy.  And if she senses we’re growing far apart,
she’ll release more of the paralysis toxin.
 
The only reason you’re conscious is that I’m here.  She only needs to do that for a few days,
though.
  She’s got filaments spreading
along your nerve fibres, and when they reach your brain she can take
control.
  You’ll be free to move and
speak and stuff, but she’ll be in charge.
 
That way she can keep you safe as she incubates and feeds.  It’s like being carried around wrapped in a cushion
of your favourite food!

Hmm?  Oh, about nine
months, rather like you humans.
  She’ll
burrow up into your torso in about a week or so, though, there’s not enough
flesh in your cock to sustain her for more than a few days. She’s got feeding
tendrils that’ll spread throughout your body… muscles, liver, lungs.
  She’ll take a little from everywhere, try to
keep you alive as long as possible.
  Your brain’s probably going to be last on her menu – it’s kinda yummy but if you eat it up too quick, the host dies too soon.

Anyway, have some of this fruit. You’re probably hungry,
right?
  That’s her as well, trying to
fatten you up.
  I’ll fix breakfast.  You want some
pancakes?
  I can do pancakes, the old-fashioned way.  With maple syrup!

Like lovers do

 

Sex..?. Don’t talk to me about sex.  I tried it once – not tryin’ that again.  Nearly got me ‘ead stuck! 
Joke copyright Alexei Sayle.
 

 

It’s wilful impertinence on your part.  So’s being too early, obviously.
 
 
Scurry scurry scurry…

 

 



Don’t worry.  She’s quite sweet, really.  When she’s not in a bad mood.



 
 

 

In space, no one can hear you sigh with hopeless romantic infatuation…

More unpleasant things

…of the usual sort.

Don’t worry, she always reaches orgasm eventually. She won’t give up. 
(The lovely, Divine, Mistress Heather.)

 

If you pay extra, she’ll do tease and denial too.  That’s where she asks you if you’d like to come, before telling you to fuck off.
 

 

Actually, she does get occasional complaints. But they’re always retracted, with a heartfelt apology, before the end of the session.
 

 

Technology… oh dear.  As if I wasn’t already obsolete enough.
 
 
In space, no one else can hear you scream.