Category: pretty in pink

Art intimidating life

 

It’s hard to believe anyone could be so cruel, contemptuous and dismissive… and not even charge for it.  

 

 

Remember, there are no stupid questions, only stupid sissy co-workers.

 

 

 

 

How sweet.  I can understand why women are attracted to lesbianism. The thing I find incomprehensible is that some women aren’t.

 

 

 

It is after all, voluntary slavery, so you should accept all her orders of your own free will. Otherwise you’re not doing it right, and she’ll have to step in.

 

Actually she knows precisely how to do that because apparently she’s filmed pretty much the same scene in eight of her last movies.  I think the directors are just humouring her and that’s probably a good idea.

 

Unnecessary cruelty

But the world would be a grey and soul-less place if we only did things that were strictly ‘necessary’, don’t you think?  Sometimes we have to live a little.



Her leadership style is simultaneously ‘top down’ and ‘bottom up’ if you can imagine such a thing.*






He thought she’d bought them to present him masturbating.  But that turned out to be the other package she’d had delivered, the heavier one.








Financial domination is a rapidly-growing segment of the economy, in these difficult times.  It’s just a more efficient way of giving money to superior ladies, without having to go through all the nonsense of dressing up in fetish clothes, meeting them in person or in any way bothering them.










When you’ve had enough things slapsplained, oddly enough, you actually find it increasingly difficult to retain  information that has been imparted any other way.  After a really effective slapsplaining session, for instance, I am usually very well informed on the specific matter under discussion, but find it hard to remember my own name or where I am.










Why not both?  Freak pays and fucks off.  It’s a win-win-lose, which sounds ideal.











* Very, very long-term readers might notice that I made this joke once before, around 2012 or so, to which I can only reply ‘Have you ever considered getting a life?’**


** My own is largely unused, if anyone wants it.

Girls don’t make passes

… at boys with slapped arses.




I had to post this, because it’s something I have personally experienced and I think it is precisely the sort of abusive behaviour that comes from negative stereotyping of male submissives.  What – just because I’m sexually submissive, some random stranger expected me to give her money, to go shopping with her, pay for everything, carry the stuff home, wash her car, cook and serve a meal for her and her boyfriend and then fuck off? If I hadn’t had her socks stuffed in my mouth the whole time, I’d have told her a thing or two about mutual respect in BDSM!











She’s still technically employed as a housemaid, but on a substantially higher pay scale.







Nor would I, willingly.









Character development is important in snip-lit.  Women want depth and emotional complexity in the characters they read about.  They don’t just want to read accounts of guys screaming in pain and terror as the cheesewire tightens… they want to know something of the inner pain they’re experiencing too.









Even an ordinary hotel room will normally have coat-hangers, kettles, maybe even a sewing set with needles.  Oh – and if there isn’t a steam iron, you can send for one.  You can have lots of fun in even the most vanilla environments.
The lovely Lucy Mistress Sidonia,  there, of course.

Snivelling

I do a lot of snivelling.  I feel it is an under-rated and much-maligned activity; you rarely see the word used in a positive context.


It is truly better to give than to receive, my SO always says, a particularly relevant thought to bear in mind in this festive season.
Go on then… let’s get it over with…
Which nice things to buy, maybe?
He always wanted to be considered ‘statuesque’. Now he will be.






To experience an after-life you have to have had a life, so I don’t think this is what my future looks like.

Domestic tyranny…

… domestic bliss.

They say old age can be like a second childhood.

My SO and I tried something like that but it turned out my boss was gay!  Quite an embarassing situation, as you can imagine, but he saw the funny side and actually since then, our working relationship has been closer than ever.
We are.



OK.  But always with dignity, yeah?



I think’darling’ must have misread the signals.  I don’t have that problem any more, because we only ever go out with my genitals wired up to the electrics. Of course, I don’t get heavy shocks in public but a few little reminders – or an instruction to go off to find a bathroom cubicle for a good zapping – keep me nicely in line. In fact, she’s considering learning morse code.


Lip service


There are lots of things submissives know about that ‘ordinary people’ don’t.  It’s an odd thought, but most people have never been peed on, for instance (by an adult, anyway). 

Oh, well if David wants me serving canapes then of course we’d better go!  Sigh.  David this, David that… honestly, one day I’m really going to have to set some boundaries in this relationship. But not today. What do you think? I favour the one on the left…

She said stare at the ground, moron.
Erm… yeah, the ironing.  About that…

Brain damage play can be a lot of fun, but you need to make sure you pick short and simple words to use as safewords.


Fail better

I do that. I’m really good at failing, actually. 

A bit of a shame to call in sick – the girls at work recognised you and have something special planned, whenever you’re next in the office.


Marriage is always a learning experience. She’s just determined to make the learning experience a bit more structured, that’s all.

I’ve always tried to use humour to defuse tense situations. On my very first… time with a woman, if you know what I mean, I was very nervous indeed.  Fortunately she burst out laughing as soon as I’d taken my clothes off, and she was still giggling when her taxi arrived ten minutes later. I’ve always been able to make women laugh: it’s a gift.
I suppose that must mean she has a basement too – they’re all the same, the houses on that row. I wonder what she keeps down there?




Funnily enough, it turns out Prop 677 wasn’t even necessary. Enough Californians worship Anne as a goddess for her to qualify for the religious exemption, so she didn’t have to pay taxes anyway. Still: it was a nice gesture.

And I didn’t stand a chance

… now listen, honey.

Well, I don’t like him either, so I suppose we’re even.
She’s right, you know. It’s her boyfriends who are insecure in their masculinity, needing to demonstrate it by fucking her brains out all night.  And you’re not afraid to cry, either.

 


I have some complicated sexual preferences, but my SO has sexual preferences too and they’re not entirely compatible, so I never get to express them.

Thick garden gloves?  Oooh.. I count that as a score.



I understand he was trying desperately to get a role in Ocean’s 8. but they wanted younger actors with firmer buttocks.

 

What is femininism anyway?

Philomena Cunk has the answer.  Men are just like women really, they’ve got their own little personalities.


Not femdom – I just adore Diane Morgan.


This that follows is femdom, obviously.

A romantic moment. Treasure it.

Hmmm. Now if only I could unlock this collar, to get the word out to the other men…  Oh well.

She sounds even Mina than the lovely ladies in the picture.

Nothing to be embarrassed about.  Unless you enjoy that sort of thing.

Or why the world’s hair is such a weird colour.






Femalevolence


Oh, just go with it. You enjoy sexy abbatoir play, she enjoys bacon sandwiches.  You’re very compatible.

Don’t worry. She respects the hard limits imposed by the Geneva Convention.  No hollow-nosed bullets, just a good clean round through the forehead if you get the password wrong.

Poor thing. She obviously misses him terribly.

Yes, I could use a muscle relaxant.  I’m feeling strangely tense about this – which is silly, because there’s really nothing that can go wrong with a tonsils operation.

Love that biker chic.  He’s a switch – prefers to top, but confident enough to play the strong and silent sub on the bottom, you know?  Goes by the name of Master Marcus when he’s domming.  He’s also bisexual, or he soon will be, anyway.