caption – Page 80 – Contemplating the divine

And make her some great Princess, six feet high!

Grand, epic, homicidal.

Armpit Fetishist Monthly is just another example of the decline of traditional media, another fine publication swept away by the Internet. I recall their cookery page with particular affection.

…and by the way, I have posted this before even with the same comment, but… Oh. My. Goddess. I have to see this movie!

My office established a system of disciplinary procedures for inappropriate sexual activity. Which to my mind is just having your cake and eating it too… or would be, were I allowed cake.

I’m thinking of paella – perhaps a nice Rioja to go with it? And maybe Roger might like to try bastinado, in keeping with the Spanish theme.

With luck, she’ll take up chewing gum obsessively.

Love hurts and so does she.

By the way, this lady is going to feature here rather a lot from now on. Unless she takes out an injunction or something (don’t you hate it when women do that?). Nata!

I’ve suffered for my art

Now it’s your turn.

I suppose a little light felching’s not going to harm my heterosexual credentials.

Brave? I don’t know the meaning of the word ‘fear’. Janice does, though.

Safewords only work if you’re actually safe.

Goths, eh? Better humour her, she’s obviously very upset.

Or unless they commit serious crimes, such as making sexist jokes or publishing disrespectful captioned images of famous actresses, obviously.

Harsh sentences

The ureasonable thing would be to tolerate disobedience, surely?

They might put on a lesbian show for you, if you’re lucky.

He gets to eat the grape first. Yum.

Dommes and their pets. I visited a pro-domme once and I got a scary thrill when she asked if I could pick up a tin of catfood on the way. But it just turned out to be for her cat! Slaves get dogfood; it’s less fatty apparently although it has always seemed pretty fatty to me. Anyway, I’m sure Fluffles gets a healthy diet.

Oooh – looks like someone’s going to try switch play! He shouldn’t worry, though: she’s only planning to switch roles once.

Enthralled

What a lovely word. I am her thrall.

Happiest day of your life! And don’t you forget it, you ungrateful little bastard, or she’ll give you something to be unhappy about!

It’s not just convicted sexists, either. Carry the donor card, help someone to look fabulous after your death.

I’ve never liked spiders. Bitter acrid flavour and the legs get stuck between your teeth.

Looks fun. And they give you a little souvenir bag of sugar at the end of the month. Give it to your domme, the next time you book a normal session and thank your lucky stars it’s just fantasy play.

He found her through a card she’d put up in the local telegraphy office.

The thing

You know – the thing that’s going on. That thing. Here are some hurriedly thrown together captions about the thing.

You see, it’s just like I always say. Everything is femdom.

Even the thing.

So… those are my captions about the thing. Now, as I’m just sitting around at home all day, these days, I’ll just get back to reading the Trip to Matilda’s story on Freddie’s blog. Which I am enjoying a lot, actually. You might too, who knows? Only one way to find out, isn’t there?

Advisory warning

Following the triumphant failure of the long-running series ‘Advice to a novice sub‘, this blog impertinently presents the first batch of a brand new series: ‘Advice to a novice domme’.

How dare I, you ask? Hmmm. That’s a good question, actually.

And most important of all (so why isn’t it #1 – who decides these things anyway?):

…and a bonus image!

Looks like this lovely lady needs to read #18, up there, again. It took her hours to put this lot together and it’s not like he pays any more than anyone else.

Ooh!

It’s as far as I can take it.

Do you think you could ask him to slow down for just a moment while I write the captions under the pictures? No? OK, well, I’ll do my – ouch, that was a deep one! – I’ll do my best.

Sounds like someone’s having a bad day. Who’d have thought being sissy maid to a sadistic perfectionist would be so difficult?

Trick question. You need a lot more and she’s waiting for you to tell her that. It’s a Mars/Venus thing, just go with it.

Her sister rebelled against the whole female supremacy thing. Lives with a guy in Brighton and she lets him have his own pocket money and she even helps out occasionally with the housework. Still, each to their own.

What a very sharp observation.

Divine Order

I worship her divine shadow.

I’ve had a few bruising relationships myself, but I usually have to pay for them.

Unless she forgets, obviously.

It’s obviously preying on her mind, the poor thing.

I pay a sex worker to have vanilla intercourse, once a month. She usually sends me a picture of the lucky guy.

She’ll get round to yours. You just need to wait very patiently. Try shifting your weight from side to side a bit if your knees are starting to hurt.

Cries of pain are music for her banquet

A quote, or nearly so, from George Eliot, who shamefully had to pretend to be a man to get published. What an embarassment that must be, for a woman. Do you suppose she had to make spelling mistakes, miss deadlines and generally dumb down in correspondence with her publisher, just to appear authetically male?

Still, the quotation is rather a lovely image, isn’t it? Here are some more.

Her impotence treatment works every time – it’s a remarkable medical breakthrough, actually.

She seems nice. What a shame you’re nothing special. Better luck in Somalia.

She’s such a sweet person, wouldn’t hurt a fly in real life. Still: she’ll flog him bloody and then piss on the wounds, because that’s the kind of professional she is. Then go and have dinner with Dave and maybe a cuddle before bed.

Castration manga is actually a great way to interest girls in comic books, because it’s using the medium to speak to issues that concern them as women, you know? Also: it’s just a lot of fun, obviously.

He was quite fat when they started training him. Still some way off the target weight of zero that they are aiming for, but he’ll get there. In fact, he’s going to lose a whole bunch of weight all in one go next Thursday: they just haven’t told him yet.