caption – Page 17 – Contemplating the divine

Uxoraphobia

Oh dear, I thought she might have forgotten about that little accident. Still, I expect she isn’t one to hold a grudge. It wasn’t her very best skirt.

She doesn’t like to hurt you any more than she has to.

Well, that doesn’t sound like much of a challenge for her. I hope she doesn’t get bored, poor thing.

I missed out on the era of corporal punishment in schools, but I guess we’re living through a golden age of corporal punishment outside them, so I’ve not done so badly.

Um… yeah. Listen, don’t take what she said to heart, OK? It’s barely noticeable. Really.

…and one I’ll call a bonus as there isn’t necessarily anything femdom about it:

The things you do that tease and hurt me bad

It’s the way you do the things you do to me.

Sounds like she’s making a lot of effort to make this relationship work – I hope you’re duly grateful.

Don’t worry about presuming on their hospitality. They have an obligation to take in any male travellers who wander their way. Only to take them in, you understand, not to let them out again.

Trouble is, you were planning to cook something special for your anniversary, weren’t you? Oh well, probably better another day anyway. The kind of guys she brings home don’t generally have sophisticated culinary tastes.

I tried going on a humiliatrix dinner-date with a pro-domme once but she decided it wasn’t working between us and left just after we’d ordered the food. So, really no different from an ordinary date… I felt a bit of a fool for paying her so much, to be honest.

Your explanation should include the words ‘laziness’ and ‘incompetence’.

Don’t worry, she won’t visit very often.

PS, fans of old British femdom mags and of quirky mainstream takes on our little hobby might be interested in Alf Garnett discusses Cruella, over on Mr Rogue-Hagen’s magnificent Cruella site. Alf Garnett was the British inspiration for Archie Bunker, for American ‘readers’: an old man satirising right-wing views in absurd ill-informed bigoted rants. Nowadays of course, our political leaders do that themselves, so there is no need for such stuff.

Motivational speech

He’ll have a very clear understanding of who she is by the end of the session.

Anyway, even if people did recognise you, no one’s going to say anything. That’s the nice thing about the Internet: it’s such a trustworthy, forgiving place.

Oh, I’m sure things will improve, she just needs to keep trying. And that’s exactly what she’s planning to do. Anyway, Mario’s waiting so off you go.

I think it’s wonderful that his wife isn’t giving up on him and walking away, but some people are just amazing, aren’t they? I hope she’s finding some time for herself, at least.

As a professional, she can keep the personal clearly separate. For instance, the fact that she finds you contemptible is in no way going to diminish the zeal with which she’ll fight your corner in court. Just don’t expect miracles, yeah?

Nothing worse than a micro-manager, is there? Unless it’s a sadistic micro-manager holding a whip, I suppose.

She builds you up just to put you down

What a clown.

Funny how often that happens. It’s as if the spinner’s drawn to that outcome.

I discovered very early on in my dating career that the secret to really satisfying a woman sexually is to make sure she never meets me.

She has a similar approach to the men in her life – she likes them hungry, but not actually starving to death, or at least not too quickly.

She likes to feel a big cock inside her, so why can’t you?

Remarkably, AFM won a Pulitzer back in 1957 but its editorial standards have slipped a little since.

Brisk and to the point

Obviously, males are perfectly capable of performing useful tasks unsupervised, but in doing so most will struggle with their natural laziness and incompetence.

Seems odd, after putting it off for weeks now to be in such a hurry.

Just do what comes naturally; you’ll be fine. She’ll do all the actual work, anyway.

A little unconventional, for the woman to be the one proposing marriage, but at least you’re in the traditional position, down on your knees.

In all seriousness (for this blog), I’ve often wondered about this. I mean, when I session with a domme, she’s always very firm about timings, confirmation and so on. Must be much harder for sex workers who can’t just order their clients about… maybe another reason for all female sex workers to go into domination, I suppose.

Another sub who doesn’t need to do anything, while other people do all the work. We’ve really got it made, haven’t we?

Queen for ever, ceasing never

Following yonder star.

…and best to put the bowl outside in the garden when it’s getting towards the end of the week, as you wouldn’t want that smell in the house.

Sometimes an enthusiastic amateur can be better than a pro.

When the ceremony’s over, and they’re leaving the church, it’s traditional to have him thrown from the steeple – and any bridesmaids who want to catch him can keep him.

Many people are opposed to the idea of arbitary power being exercised by unelected young ladies, but I really find it hard to understand why.

“I wear the chain I forged in life,” replied the Ghost.

“I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.”

A typically uplifting sentence from Mr Dickens there. Actually, I have been developing my own version of his classic tale. Titled ‘A Findomme Carol’, it has a similar story arc but the heroine, Princess Screw-you, isn’t such a soft touch as Dickens’s Scrooge. Like his tale, though, it has a happy ending, celebrating the true meaning of Christmas, which as we all know is ‘getting’.

But for this year, ho ho ho, it’s just a few captions with a rather tenuous and even desperate link to the holiday season. Bah humbug.