Category: blonde

Owning him

When your Mistress is a perfect 10, it’s only fair that you have to be graded too.
And we don’t ‘bob’ so much as immerse and hold down.

Oh, if there is one Lady I’d love to see again, it is Lady Sophia Black. She lit our lives up like a, like a… hmm… comet? No, something brighter. Like a flamethrower, then retired too soon, too too soon.

She’s focused on what’s important in the relationship and you should be too.
That’s an interesting question – let me ask you one in return, preferably on my knees, with my paws up like a begging dog.
He has an excellent retirement plan and one day she might tell him what it is.
She also likes to play “this little piggie”, especially the bit about shrieking all the way home.

The shape of things to come

Another science fiction-themed post! Sadly not featuring those whip wielding Amazons from Space 1999 this time but I’ll try to remedy that in future.

It’s very important to maintain carefully controlled conditions, in science. I expect that’s just what she intends to do.
Maybe when The Change happens, whatever that is (and how do they pronounce those capital letters anyway?) everything will become much clearer.
They had to replace the ‘Cruelty free’ label with ‘Cruelly tested on male animal experimenters and cosmetics industry executives’ but it didn’t do the sales any harm at all.
Her culinary ideas might be a bit odd but she’s really good at sex. Just ask the vacuum cleaner.
And you don’t even need to wear a condom: absorbing your bodily fluids is actually her goal. So what’s not to like? Apart from imminent death, obviously, but if you’d run away you could have been hit by a bus or something that same day, you know?
Oh dear. I hope she finds some sort of use for it.

A woman is the only thing I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me

I think Abraham Lincoln said that. Which just goes to show that even the smartest guys can be really, really dumb when it comes to the unfairer sex, but there you go.

And here we go. Not an Abraham Lincoln-themed day, startlingly enough.

Men are stronger than women but chains are stronger than wrists – and steel or even plastic is stronger than a cock, so it’s all right.
Don’t blame her for being so clingy – or for the concern about your untimely death. When you think of what happened to her first two husbands, it’s hardly surprising, is it? The poor thing.
She takes a holistic approach to cleaning. It’s not just about cleaning the apartment; it’s also about cleaning up your lifeand tidying up your attitudes (and cleaning out your mouth too, if need be).
Don’t worry, it’s just a job to her. She leaves it behind every day, when she walks out of the Retributution Room and washes the blood off her rubber apron and lets the screams fade behind her. Oh – and she likes rom-coms. That’s OK with you, yeah? For some guys it’s a no-no.
Looks like another quiet evening in, then.
Much better to be the only slave in their cottage than to be one of any number of interchangeable males at the back and call of some city woman. Think of all the attention you’ll get! Plus all that healthy country air.

Thrashing out an agreement

Many people think that any deals thrashed out in the context of a long-term femdom relationship will inherently be unfair to the male, but it’s just not true. Every time my SO and I have come to an agreement about something, the deal has always involved my getting something I value: an imminent prospect of the cessation of pain, for example. That’s usually a lot more important to me than whatever it is I have to give up in exchange. So it’s a win-win, really.

It has to make both of them laugh, mind. It would be easy enough just to set Mistress Eleise off, as she loves a good ‘dumb blonde’ joke and will burst out in fits of giggles if she hears a new one. Try it if (as I have been) you are ever privileged enough to session with her – it can lighten the mood, especially if you have requested a heavy session. The ‘dumber’ the blonde character the better, take it from me: your experience will be memorable.

The wonderful, magnificient Eleise de Lacy, of course, and the delightful Miss Woods who has not had to suffer the unpleasantness of Servitor’s proximity.

Love, honour and obey as long as you both shall live.
I’m told a good way to teach males to curtsey deeply is to suspend a heavy weight on a short chain from their testicles. Ducking far enough down relieves the pain, briefly, you see. Another good way is to inflict unbearable pain on them until they get it right. Or why not try both?
Very true. She got only four out of twenty on her last test, so I’m afraid he’s really going to have to suffer.
Underwater cunnilingus can be quite hazardous to the male health even with ladies who don’t actually get off on drowning you, unless either they can reach orgasm really quickly or the male has oxygenated very thoroughly. Proceed with caution and if in doubt: try it first with someone who really doesn’t matter.

…and an extra one with an absurdly long caption, why not:

I’m not sure Mrs Hudson is going to be too happy about that. Especially as Holmes still has 150 of his 500 punishment lines to write: “It was thoroughly disrespectful of me to frown when Mrs Hudson smashed my violin, giving us all a much-needed respite from my tuneless playing.”

O Fearefull frowning Nemesis

Daughter of Justice, most severe / That art the world’s great Arbitresse / And Queene of causes raigning heere.

Don’t try explaining that it’s too late to do anything about it now. She knows exactly what she intends to do about it, and it’s never too late.
Ironically enough, Pam herself has slaves make the cakes. But I doubt that’ll do him any good.

The wonderful Mistress Sidonia of course, Head Mistress and goddess incarnate at the English Mansion.

What Colin has here is a failure not to communicate. But I’m sure he’ll be given some very direct feedback to help him improve.
She’s got you there.
Speak softly and always carry a massive dildo.

And do you really fear that you might fall, fall, fall, fall, fall, fall

The European female she’s here. Warning: safe for work and contains scenes of a non-sexual nature. Warning 2: yet another expression of Servitor’s fixation on 1980s British soft punk. But then so’s this.

It can get quite hard on the knees, especially when playing outdoors. But apparently she’s OK with that, so it’s not a problem.
I expect she’ll soon get on to the ‘different’ ways in which he does please her. I was once told by a girl that she liked me ‘but not in that way’. When I pressed her on what she meant, she thought a bit and realised that actually, on reflection, she didn’t like me in any way. Thank goodness we cleared that up, it could have got quite embarassing.
Cheaper too, particularly given the economical approach she takes to feeding him. Which also cuts down dramatically on household food waste, which our Western societies are finding to be an increasing problem.
Women get turned on by intelligent men, you know. Unfortunately (for us), they also get turned on by intelligent women and unintelligent men and both of those are in the majority in their sex.
Funny little bendy cane! Thank goodness it’s not going to hurt.

Faith, hope and chastity

Wow – Kurt’s just the gift that keeps on giving, isn’t he? For next year she’ll probably change the system so it’s the average number of fucks she gets a night that’s your annual limit, rather than the maximum, but for now I guess you get to let yourself go! Or rather, she gets to let you let yourself go.
They’re not the first. Many visitors to the OWK castle reported hearing the rattling of chains and far-off moaning.
Males who were bullies at school usually fail miserably in the workplace, which can be cheering for their victims who end up pursuing successful careers. Female bullies, on the other hand, have the option of a very highly paid career (at least on an hourly rate basis), should they choose to follow it. Or she could be a historian – I mean, her take on Henry VIII is fresh and seems to convey an important truth about the world.
She should have it put it away in a cupboard before someone gets hurt. No where’s that lazy husband of hers, just when he could make himself useful? Oh. Oh yes.
Annoyingly the show cut to a commercial break immediately after this comment and when it returned David, although somewhat red-faced and out of breath, was much more polite. I’ve made enquiries about whether the cameras kept rolling during the break and whether footage exists, but some large gentlemen from Ms Johanssen’s entourage came to inform me that I was wasting my time.

What a forward old man David was, to be sure.

Sensual displeasure

My SO called me by the wrong name once… it was a bit difficult: I had to go through all the trouble of changing it legally, so I didn’t have to tell her she was wrong (that can be quite painful), then she remembered and I had to change it back again! Unlike ‘Jerry’ or whatever his name is, I have an entirely unmemorable cock – indeed, women often don’t notice it at all – so that doesn’t help as an aide-memoire. Still, at least I don’t call it ‘sledgehammer’… how embarrassing for him.
Oddly enough, shortly after the Chairman’s ‘business trip’ to the Czech Republic, almost all staff in his company got a pay rise. Women employees did particularly well, taking the female/male pay ratio from 74% to 108%.
Hmm… let’s try. Nope, all good.
Of course, they never forget the Hippocratic oath: first, do no harm, at least not to anyone who doesn’t deserve it or unless you really want to, or it would be funny or something.
There are some very weird fetishes out there. Aren’t you glad you’re normal? I know I am.

Sourness and light

If any of you do have any nasty little habits – particularly if you happen to be indulging them right now – I suggest you visit a specialist like her.  That’s what I do.

 

 

Lesbian slavegirls don’t really understand male sexuality, of course, which is probably why so many of them featured on this blog want to suppress or even abolish it.

 

 

Think of your retirement as a second childhood; that’s certainly how the staff see it.
 

Choosing the first option is likely to result in very drastic, rapid weight loss.

How did the conversation get onto this topic, anyway, what’s what I want to know?


 

 

 

Hear her roar

 … and hear me squeak.

 

I’m not allowed to look my SO in the eye under any circumstances, so for that (and other) reasons this situation never arises for me.

 

Loving brutal domination… that hits the sweet spot (repeatedly, raising welts and leaving it throbbing and sore).

Hard to understand atheists who say there’s no such thing as a divine being, in a world on which Mistress Eleise walks among us.

 

I wouldn’t mind but it’s seven floors up and the male lift (‘elevator’, Americans but you knew that right?) has been out of action all week.

 

It’s odd how often I find myself begging my SO for mercy, when begging her for brutal and gleeful ferocity would be so much more likely to succeed.

 

 

 

It’s actually quite common for bridegrooms to feel a little nervous and apprehensive before giving up their their body and eternal soul to the control of a callous and evil witch the big day. Looks like she has a potion that will rob you of any means of resistance just the solution. I guess that’s you damned to an eternity of suffering and torment why you’re marrying her, right?