blonde – Page 27 – Contemplating the divine

Dealing with feelings of sexual inadequacy

Here are some ladies who know exactly how to do that.

I find it quite hard to find condoms in my size, actually. I used to think it was because I was so unusually small, but actually a kindly pharmacist once explained to me that there are quite a lot of men this small – it’s just that they never get to have any sex, so there’s not much of a market for condom makers. That made me feel a lot better.

Actually, that sort of failure rarely happens to me. I usually find I can make women laugh, one way or another.

I wouldn’t recommend a visit to the Young Goddess site these days, unless you’re really into self-loathing, as the guy who ran it got religion and decided that all of this is sinful. Which of course, it is. Still…I guess that means he’s relinquished copyright on everything?

Sorry. Too embarassing a memory to talk about. Move on please, move on.

That Raoul. I’m sure he’s cheating on her. Last time, I bought eight condoms and when I came round the next day to clean up, I only found six that he’d used. Men can be such beasts…I don’t know what she sees in him.

She had to have the last one put down. He was just too yappy. It wasn’t an easy decision, though, and she made the mistake of looking back and catching his eye when she left him at the vet for the last time. A tear or two was shed that night, I can tell you, as she thought of him alone in his cage at the vet’s waiting for the lethal injection the next morning. But she’s sure it was for the best.

Quite a combination, there, Mistress T of Vancouver to the left, Goddess Lexi Sindel to the right, and Mistress Mina Thorne in the middle. [With thanks to commenters for one identification]

Rewards and punishments

Sometimes it’s difficult to tell them apart, don’t you think?

And thanks to rote learning, they know a lot of very long poems in Norwegian, word-perfect, off by heart. Sadly, they don’t know what any of those words mean.

The wonderful, severe (and wonderfully severe) Cassie Hunter, or “The Hunteress”.

Do you sense she might be losing interest in the sexual side of this marriage?

Don’t worry. She’ll have time to get away, when the acid starts gushing out. Even in those high heels – she’ll be fine.

Oh well.

I don’t know the original source (something about it says “German” to me…), but I got this from the She is in charge tumblr.

[Edited: Paltego in the comments has kindly pointed out that this is Lady Ramirez, to be found at www.ladyramirez.com. So – at least we know who she is. As for the other… well we know he’s not Dave (or was it Dennis?) but otherwise the field’s wide open.]

Having your mouth full most of the time will probably help prevent you forming deep emotional attachments too.

Blessed art thou amongst women

We’re all blessed to be amongst women, don’t you think? Usually, I have to pay for the privilege, but even so..

You know, that reminds me of a funny story. The first time I visited a domme in France, she asked if I
wanted to be “blessé”. So of
course I said “Oui, Maîtresse!” and I knelt down and waited for
divine benediction.

But, would you believe it, in French “blessé”
means wounded!

Goodness, how I laughed at my mistake afterwards, when the
bones in my jaw had been re-set.

Funny old world, isn’t it? And apparently in Estonian, the phrase “blow job” means “penectomy”. Strange but true. Could be all sorts of scope for amusing misunderstandings there, I imagine.

On we go.

Well… it’s not as if the chair’s that comfortable anyway. Me on the ring, her sitting on the chair…we’ll see who cracks first.

Anyone not realising that this is the divine Eleise de Lacy, or that Femme Fatale Films are absolutely superb… well, anyone like that probably isn’t reading this blog, actually.

I don’t normally credit Tumblrs, but this is from the “fuckyeahstewardesses” tumblr, which once you’re past the slightly, mmmm, crude name is actually rather tasteful and lovely. Unlike the red glove treatment, which isn’t either of those things.

Nothing to see here, let’s move on.

She’s going to be her own, er… ex-step-mother! How cool is that?

Planet Femdom. If statuesque German ladies are your thing (and even more so, if you’d like to be their thing), it’s the place you want to go right after this.

Ah yes. Hers isn’t quite as frilly. And, to be fair, it doesn’t say “punishment dress” on it either. Or have the little lacy cuffs at the back for wrists. And she can take it off herself. Still, nice to be a matching couple.

Administrative oversight

Mr Hadley? Hi – I’m
Suzie Parker, from the legal department.

I’m very well, thank you.

Now, first of all I’d like to apologise once more for this
dreadful mix-up. We do everything
possible to avoid mistakes, but it’s a big hospital carrying out hundreds of
operations every day, and this sort of thing will happen from time to
time. We’ve had a preliminary
investigation, and it seems the medical staff weren’t at fault at all – it did
say penectomy on your admission papers.
It must have been some kind of typo at the admission stage. Nobody’s fault really, just one of those
unfortunate things.

The good news is that of course we want to offer you
compensation. This will be without any
admission of liability, and you’ll have to sign a form saying you
requested this operation voluntarily.

If you won’t sign?
Well then of course we’d contest any compensation claim in court. You’d have to prove it was our fault. Of course, you’d be completely within your
rights to do so if that’s what you want.
At the moment, there’s a bit of a backlog, so it might take a few
years. And we tend to appeal decisions
all the way up the legal system – just to discourage frivolous claims, you see. But still, if that’s what you –

Will you? Oh
good. I’m sure that’s the right
decision. So here’s the consent form…

…that’s right. And
then if you could write out that sentence by hand, before signing.

Mmmm… “Genitalia” with only one “t” actually. Oh I know – I always get that wrong too!

Lovely. And sign
there. And here. And separately there. Great.

Now, the compensation scheme we operate is a generous one,
but there is a sliding scale. It’s based
upon the loss caused, you see. It’s not
too complicated, but you have to fill in all this information,
then we’ll work out how much you’ve lost because of this silly mistake.

That’s right…age, you see, and whether you’re married.

That? Oh, well we
need to know the number of sexual partners in a year, because that affects the
assessment of the loss caused by the removal of your testicles. So the number of women – sorry, or men is
it? Right – the number of women you’ve
had sex with in the last three years. I
bit intrusive, I know, but you can see the point. I mean, we wouldn’t want to be paying a lot
of compensation to someone for the removal of his balls if he never used them,
would we?

Really? As many as
that? You do know we’ll be requiring
signed affidavits from each sexual partner, and –

– yes, of course you
can change it. Best to get these things
right from the start. OK, that looks a lot more reasonable.

Hmm?
Masturbation? What do you mean,
masturbation? Oh – oh I see. So, you’d be claiming that the loss of your
testicles has caused you harm because it makes you less likely to…yes, I
suppose I see. I’m not sure what our
policy is on that. I don’t think I can think of a similar claim before… I mean, in some ways
it’s a benefit, isn’t it? Not having
that silly little habit any more? I
mean, most men grow out of that when they’re teenagers, don’t they? Still, I’ll check for you, OK? You might get something.

Now for the penectomy, the sliding scale is based upon
size. So, if you could just indicate…
there. Yes. And the girth, too… you can just guess that one if you don’t
really know. Many men don’t.

Wow. That was a big
one, wasn’t it? What a shame you didn’t have any girlfriends!

Erm… you do realise, of course, that the hospital retains the,
um… material that was surgically removed, so they could make a scientific
estimate of the likely extent of the –

Yes, you can change that too. Easy to get confused. Gosh, that’s a lot less, isn’t it? Maybe you were confusing centimetres and
inches? Easily done.

Right, well of course our claims department will
be processing this, and you’ll receive notification of the exact sum due to you
in about two months time. But from the
look of it, my guess, is that you could be looking at…well, several hundred
pounds at least! Won’t that be nice!

Oh – and I forgot to mention the best news of all! Although of course we admit no liability, the hospital wants to offer you a 10% discount off the tonsilectomy you were actually supposed to have! And the same surgeon insists on carrying it out! No really. She says it’s the least she can do, after inconveniencing you so much in this way.

Too much mercy… often resulted in further crimes which were fatal to innocent victims who need not have been victims if justice had been put first and mercy second

A quote there from Agatha Christie. Sounds like my kind of lady!

On we go…

Amusingly, sometimes out there they lose all feeling because of the cold. No matter how many welts and bruises are inflicted – they don’t feel a thing! And it’s so funny then, when they’re brought back inside and warmed up.

Rather thoughtless of Karen, I must say. No wonder she’s on her fourth marriage already.

Plenty of time overnight to think about what you’re going to say about this in the morning. Sleep well.

I think a little extra tribute next time might be in order, mmm?

I once went on this date, with a girl who just kept on telling me how inadequate I was compared to ‘Karl’. It was awful – all, ‘Karl has a bigger cock’ and ‘Karl doesn’t have any problems getting hard’. Honestly, I don’t know who was the more embarassed; me or him.

Divine retribution

Do not seek to question it.

It’s funny how you sometimes feel let down after a birthday, don’t you think? As if there should have been more to it, somehow? Oh well – there’s always next year. In you go.

Yes, let’s get it sorted.

Still am, I’m afraid to say. Ow!

And she’s used to getting what she wants.

Easy to confuse the two. Wouldn’t it be awful, though, if you visited a beautiful young professional lady for an intensive CBT session, then found yourself spending the next two hours putting positive feelings into practice?

Teenage kicks right through the night

Great song, terrible idea if you have to get up and go to work the next day.

Like, totally.

Oooh. Four, I think. Yes. Four. But strangely, there’s another eight I never reach. I wonder what they’re for?

Actually you do kiss on both cheeks too. That’s the next bit, after she turns round.

I’m beginning to think that bloody die is loaded. But she wouldn’t do that to me. Would she?

Don’t forget to tell her that joke. You know – the one you found on the Internet to show her how witty you are.

I wish she’d make her mind up

You know, for years now my Significant Other has been telling me (and all of her friends, and my co-workers, and people who work in the shops locally and so on) that my cock’s too small.

But do you know what? Just the other day, she told me she’s decided it’s too big, and she’s arranged for something to be done about it!

Well, I had to laugh. Women, eh?

Femdom air stewardess gloves and an attitude

Nothing to worry about – the flight’s delayed by three hours, so there’s plenty of time.

Married life… it’s going to take some getting used to. Might as well start now.

Looks like she’s decided to work to save the marriage. That’s a relief.

Hmm. Another lady who seems to have made a big decision. Looks like important relationship milestones are a theme of today’s blog.

Worcester is pronounced “wooster”, in case you were wondering. And this is the most beautiful woman alive. Anything else I can help you with?

Out with the old, in with the new

New year, new…well, more…of the same sort of really…captioned images of female domination!

Obviously.

Sigh. Back to it.

My Significant Other reckons some people over-complicate chastity play. You lock someone up – he’s in chastity. Job done, and you can get on with your life.

Actually, I think one of them has a Girl Guides first aid qualification.

The problem being, of course, that Madame Sarka likes the cooked meat arranged in a gentle curve. And she’s not as lenient.

Independent thought is over-rated. Just take the pill.

It’s best not to worry too much about what people think of you, I find.

All about Eve

New Year’s Eve, that is.

My very best wishes to all my female readers, and let’s hope the new year brings nothing but misery, humiliation, pain and degradation to the others. That way, everyone’s happy.

Don’t miss tomorrow’s extra, bumper, first-of-2013 edition of Contemplating the Divine! It’s all about resolve…