For Valentine’s Day? Or for life?

If I write for you my humble words of love, if I uncover my inmost thoughts, and hopes, and dreams and fears and pour them out in return for a raindrop of your approval…and if I package and seal all these treasures in an envelope and slip it under your door at midnight…

…will you trample it mercilessly beneath your heels, unread and scorned?

Oh I do so hope so.

Well, I don’t have any image to which to use that as a caption, so here are some images that do have captions.  None are particularly Valentines themed, except that all in a sense involve unrequited love.

femdom caption husband in law slave
Isn’t she beautiful?  Aren’t we just the luckiest creatures to be permitted to breathe the air on the same planet as someone who looks like this?
 
Captioned image of Madame Sarka who will be very fair and judicious
Well, I’d trust Madame Sarka with my life.  Looking at her web site, it appears her slaves effectively do.


Captioned image that only works if you're already thinking about chastity
Sometimes only a few words are needed.
Sometimes a lot of words are needed.  I wonder whether it can really be called a captioned image, as opposed to an illustrated story, when the ratio of image to text is this low.  Ah well.  There are no rules for this (unless and until some superior imposes some on me).





Divinity lessons

More pictures of our betters (well, my betters certainly), for edification, instruction and enlightenment.











Two dominatrices with riding crops dear me
Just out of interest – which one is Miss Evans, do you think?








femdom caption humiliation in pink skimpies
Is this someone famous?  I’m not good on celebrities.







Other World Kingdom prison on a quiet day
The astonishing Madame Sarka, who has haunted my dreams for years












Femdom caption gorgeous blonde dominatrix with chastity
Wow.  Just…wow.





Female domination on a Friday

Some more captioned images, created in a sprit of respectful homage and awe, and certainly not just because that’s what turns me on (see story in previous post).







caption blonde femdom smiling as slave humiliated
Something about that smile just says to me – isn’t it just fantastic that I can make him do these things and get paid for it?  I often wonder how it feels for all those scary OWK ladies, growing up as regimented little Young Pioneers in communist Czechoslovakia and now…beating the crap out of Western businessmen.  There’s glory.









caption femdom wife discussing castration leaflet
Well, I’d certainly trust her to make the right decision, in both our interests.  Wouldn’t you?









caption slave and mistress out in public as dog and owner
On the Internet no one knows you’re really a dog…at heart.



Bloggy femdomy story thing

Servitor read the message on his Blogger dashboard with interest:

Blogger has determined that your posts reflect a female domination/male submissive outlook. Would you like to turn on Blogger’s femdom features, for a more female-led blogging experience?

A little concerned by the apparent monitoring of his posts, but intrigued, he clicked on the link at the bottom: Activate female domination blogging features now.

A pop-up box appeared:

Blogger has identified that you are male. Please confirm, or press cancel to begin again.

Servitor confirmed, only to be confronted with another message box.

Are you sure you want to activate female domination features as a male blogger?

‘Worse than bloody Microsoft’, he thought, clicking “Yes” irritably.

After a few moments, a further message appeared, this time from his own PC, asking whether he would allow some programme called ‘Femlogger’ to make changes to his programme files and registry. Servitor hesitated, realising a cautious blogger might refuse at this point. But he was intrigued and excited, and thought of the occasions on which similar feelings had led him to the houses of complete strangers to be tied up. He was nothing if not a risk-taker. Although we like to be abused as cowardly worms, there’s actually no one as brave as a submissive feeling lecherous. So he clicked on “Accept” and watched what happened.

The answer, except for some brief whirring and chunking from his hard drive, was nothing. The Blogger dashboard reappeared, and Servitor could see no changes. Nor were there apparent changes to his blog. He tried to find out more about Femlogger on the web, but there seemed to be nothing. Shrugging, Servitor returned to his original intentions, uploading pictures of women too beautiful for him even to imagine speaking to, but with a few choice words he had added in the hope of appearing creative.

For the next couple of days, there was no real change. Servitor noticed that the ‘Audience’ stats for his blog separately recorded visits by males, females and those unregistered as either (and these were the great majority, although Servitor was cheered and excited at the thought that quite a few women did seem to have registered with the new female domination Blogger service).

Then, four days later, Servitor was excited to find that one of his posts had attracted several comments. With the usual trepidation, he opened the tab to read them. The display looked slightly odd, as one of the comments was in larger type than the others. This, the one at the top, turned out to be flagged as from a woman, while the others were from men. Servitor suddenly realised that despite being at the top, the time stamp on the woman’s comment showed it to have been posted in between the other two.

Thus, the software was identifying female comments and placing them first, just as it should be. Servitor felt mildly pleased that his blog should so automatically be honouring the superior sex, as he did genuinely believe in principle in showing due deference and courtesy to females. The picture right at the bottom of every page of his blog, of the divine Anne Hathaway, was to Servitor’s mind genuinely an image of divinity and one to which he occasionally murmured prayers of obeisance. That said, he spent a lot of his time trawling the Internet for pictures of women scantily-clad or even posing naked, solely for the sexual pleasure of men. But like other male ‘submissives’, Servitor happily ignored the hypocrisy of how an industry existed to serve up tasty images of superiors to inferior males like him, rather than the opposite that might be expected in a truly female-led world.

All the comments were reasonably complimentary. Servitor decided to post a quick friendly response to one of the male ones, before addressing himself more formally to the female commenter. Important to get the words and tone right, for that one, he thought to himself.

Still happily mulling over his possible reply to the female, he clicked ‘post comment’ to put up his reply to the first male comment. An error page appeared: There are still unanswered female comments.

Puzzled, Servitor clicked the ‘back’ button and tried again. Again, the message appeared, this time with the addition: This has been logged as a repeated offence.

Servitor sat in silence for a while. Clearly, he was supposed to respond to the female
comment before any males’. Again, feeling a warm glow of submissive joy (and even a slight swelling, although we won’t dwell on this aspect) he returned to the comments page to reply instead to his female commenter.

After some edits, he judged he had the tone just right. He was never quite sure how to respond to female dominant comments. He wanted to reply in submissive mode, but not so much as to be creepy or pervy. The comment had been a simple message of approval and encouragement, so he felt it would be inappropriate to respond as if he were a sub in a ’scene’ with her. That would seem almost to violate her privacy. So after a few goes, he had some text that seemed respectful without being creepy and he hit ‘post comment’.

Again, an error screen appeared. This time the words were much larger. Your reply has been flagged as unacceptably disrespectful, the large words across the top of the screen read.

Please correct the following elements of your post and try again.
1. Insufficient length (more information)
2. Insufficiently grateful (more information)
3. Spelling and grammatical errors (more information)

He clicked on ‘more information’ following the first item, to learn that replies had to be at least one and a half times the length of the original comment, to show due respect and gratitude to the lady who had taken the trouble to write it. Similarly, clicking on the second item he was taken to a list of approved words of gratitude, of which a sufficient number was required in any reply to a female. He thought the spelling mistakes point was self-explanatory.

Returning to his reply, he dutifully filled it out with expressions of gratitude and, to be on the safe side, made sure it was at least twice the length of the comment. He looked carefully through for spelling and grammatical errors, but found nun. Once again he clicked ‘post comment’.

He was disturbed to see the same words appear again: Your reply has been flagged as unacceptably disrespectful, along with (as he was beginning to learn to expect) the rider This has been logged as a repeated offence.

The only problem seemed still to be with spelling and grammar, so he clicked on ‘more information’. The rules for appropriate spelling and grammar appeared to be more complicated than he’d expected. Mostly, he was simply required to conform to ordinary English usage. However, every blogger registered as a female dominant by the software apparently had her own preferred form of address. His commenter liked to be addressed as Ma’am, conventionally enough. She could also register whether she preferred vanilla capitalisation or the You/i formulation that denotes submission. Ma’am liked the latter, it seemed. Finally, she could choose her preferred regional spelling. His commenter, it turned out, was American and so he would be replying to her (or rather, to Her) using American spellings where appropriate. If his reply failed to conform to her (Her) preferences, it would be flagged as incorrect.

Sighing slightly, he went back to his post and edited in the required changes. With relief, he was directed this time to a new page: Your comment has been humbly submitted for Ma’am’s attention. He returned to the male posts, fired off friendly messages of acknowledgement (no funny business about length or style for these – anything went, apparently) and went back to his main page.

He felt he had to admire the spirit behind this new software. He admitted to himself that he found it irritating in practice. But this, it seemed to him, was not really any different from the way he became excited at the thought of housework, only to become bored and frustrated when directed to do menial tasks even for 10 minutes, on the occasions he had visited (and paid) ladies prepared to act out his fantasies. Fantasy and reality were simply different for him, and he wished it were otherwise but knew deep down that he was too lazy ever really to serve.

Anyway, he told himself, now that he knew the rules, replying to comments in the prescribed way was no great burden. He might not be able in reality to enjoy anything resembling a life of drudgery, but this was one small thing he could do.

Ma’am did not respond, and so Servitor continued over the next few days posting captioned images that continued to claim to celebrate male submission but in reality mostly showed underpaid women pandering to the fantasies of wealthy men.

Then one day he opened up Blogger to find himself taken straight to the comments page. A single comment was visible, the others being greyed-out (that’ll be ‘grayed-out’ to Ma’am, of course). A bold headline above it read Your blog has been criticised by a female reader. The posting has been removed, pending apology and corrective action.

The comment above, did indeed have a label “unacceptable”. (Servitor was later to discover that his posts now appeared on female screens with a rating system running from ‘adequate’, through ‘poor’ to ‘unacceptable’). He read the comment with excitement and awe:

Servitor (or whatever your real name is – I imagine you as a nasty little overweight man crouched over his computer in a darkened, smelly room).

I have found the images you post to be increasingly disrespectful of a sex you claim to be superior – my sex! The images are exploitative and the captions – while occasionally mildly amusing – seem to me too frequently to cross the line to a point where you are laughing at female domination, a philosophy and practice I take very seriously.

Your latest post is disgraceful, so I am forced to take action. We see two images of females, which I suppose is the justification for the ‘jokey’ sexist title ‘Oh what a lovely pair’. The first is simply posing in lingerie for male pleasure, and your little caption about chastity does nothing to diminish the exploitation. But the second picture is far more disturbing. Is it not obvious that the lady is in extreme discomfort in that corset and those high heels? Far from being in charge, I would imagine she is close to fainting, the poor thing.

I would like to put you in a corset, tug it so tight you can hardly breathe, force your feet into rigid boots at least a size too small, and post a video of your pathetic wheezing on YouTube. But as you choose to hide behind your hypocritical pseudonym, I cannot. However, I was somewhat mollified to see that you have installed the Fond of Writing gadget on your blog. Accordingly, I have sent you a punitive exercise. I hope it teaches you to show greater respect.

I have disabled replies to this post as I have no wish to hear any more from you.

“Punitor”

Servitor looked down at the bottom of the comment and saw that ‘reply’ had indeed been greyed-out. Furthermore, the name ‘Punitor’ did not seem to be linked to a Google account. Clearly, ladies could comment anonymously.

There were only two options available in the comments tab: accept punishment and dispute punishment. Servitor had little hesitation in selecting the first. How exciting. He had to admit she had a point. He tried to be reasonably respectful – never for example featuring images of topless ladies, or of their private parts – on his blog. But the fact that it was the supposedly dominant side of the equation who dressed to the nines in uncomfortable clothing, for the pleasure of the slobby notionally submissive side did bother him.

A windowed programme opened up, labelled “Fond of Writing”. That was the name that ‘Punitor’ had claimed existed as a gadget on his blog. He had never seen it, but he was beginning to suspect that the female user experience of his blog provided a few more options than were available to him or other males.

Fond of Writing (FoW) was a programme for writing lines. Rather like housework, this was an idea that Servitor liked more in fantasy than in reality. His professional Domme had occasionally set him lines – anything from 200 to, over one tedious night, 500 – and he always hated doing them. He loved appearing before her with his sheaf of papers on his next visit, though, for her to grind under her booted heel. So he examined FoW with interest.

It seemed that a specified line must be typed, a specified number of times. Extras would be added for errors. On completion of the assignment, a report would be sent to the assigning party (that would be ‘Punitor’ presumably). It looked straightforward enough, and Servitor had some time on his hands (it was a Saturday), so with a warm and sexy feeling of submission, he clicked on ‘start’.

The line he had to copy was “I must learn to distinguish between images and concepts that properly reflect the superiority of women over men, from those that merely objectify and exploit the female form, to gratify the squalid desires of perverts like me.” It seemed he would be writing it 100 times.

He blinked. It was long and complicated – but 100 times was not too bad.

He started typing in the text box below the original line. It was harder than he had expected, as his own typing was replaced by asterisks as he typed, like a password. He clicked ‘submit’ and the entry box appeared again, cursor blinking for his next repetition. As he typed, he suddenly realised that the asterisks were no longer progressing along the box. It seemed to have lost the typing focus. He clicked back on it, but no blinking cursor appeared. Looking around the screen, he saw a small dialog box in the corner with the message ‘Click this button!

‘What button?’ he thought irritably, before noticing a tiny square in the middle of the dialog box. Carefully positioning the mouse, he clicked it, the box disappeared and his cursor reappeared where he had been typing the line.

‘Where was I?’ he thought, staring at the asterisks. There weren’t that many, so he decided to start again, and began hitting backspace. Nothing happened, no asterisks disappeared. Cursing, he carefully counted the asterisks already typed, comparing them to the original line. Then he typed the remainder of the line, interrupted at one point by the random dialog box wanting him to press the microscopic button, this time near the left of the screen. On completion of the line, he clicked ‘submit’, and the text entry box appeared empty again for a third line.

‘Bloody hell, that’s only two’ he thought, unhappily. In fact, he was wrong about this. He had carelessly made an error on his very first line (ironically, the second despite being interrupted twice by distracting dialogs, was correct). The programme had not counted that first line, and awarded him two ‘extras’. So he now had 101 lines to go and in a sense had therefore completed just minus one lines of his original imposition. But he didn’t know that yet.

‘Sod this’ he thought, and clicked on ‘quit’. A dialog box appeared: Quit disabled while lines exercise incomplete. There were two options: OK and Allow temporary use of other programmes.

He clicked OK to return to the Fond of Writing dialog and immediately hit Control-Alt-Delete. Another dialog box appeared. Ctrl-Alt-Del disabled while lines exercise incomplete. Again: OK and Allow temporary use of other programmes.

Servitor pressed the On switch on his PC until all the lights died, then pressed again for a restart. ‘That programme is going’ he told himself determinedly, and thought about whether his various virus and malware programmes would be able to deal with it. He logged on, and was simply stunned to see the Fond of Writing dialog reappear, patiently waiting for his third line just as he had left it.

He double-clicked his anti-virus icon. A familiar image appeared: Access to other programmes disabled while lines exercise incomplete.

This time he tried clicking: Allow temporary use of other programmes

This responded with Do you want to be given access for one hour to your computer, in exchange for 50 additional lines?

‘All right’, he thought, and clicked OK.

Fond of Writing temporarily suspended. Time remaining until resumption of line writing exercise: 59:54. Exercises remaining: 1. Lines remaining in current exercise: 151.

Pausing only briefly to note, firstly, that the evil programme clearly allowed for more than one exercise to be due at any one time, and to puzzle over the mysterious extra line taking the remainder to 151 (‘shouldn’t it be 148?’, he thought vaguely), Servitor went to work to expunge the programme.

Just less than an hour later, all his open windows suddenly closed and the Fond of Writing dialog reappeared, the little cursor gently blinking in the empty text entry box, just as it had been before, patiently awaiting his third line.

Servitor swore and raced through the menu commands again for temporary computer time. He had some other ideas he hadn’t yet tried. This time the price of an hour’s computer time had risen to 100 additional lines. Blithely accepting the 251 he now had yet to do, Servitor frantically opened programmes and searched for hidden and system files, in a bid to shut this evil programme down.

An hour later, he found himself once again staring at the cursor. He resolved to use his next hour to go online, looking for advice and help about this maliciously dominant programme. He wondered bleakly whether the cost this time would be an additional 200, taking him to 451 (he had now worked out what the extra one was for, having read the help files for FoW in his fruitless search for an uninstall option).

But it was not an additional 200. Instead the dialog box read: Maximum temporary suspensions limit reached. Contacting taskmistress for authorization for additional temporary suspension.

The only option was OK so Servitor clicked it and was rewarded with a dialog box reading ‘Punitor’ has now been contacted to authorize suspension of lines programme. No other programmes may be used until authorization has been received.

Once again, Servitor’s only option was to agree, so he returned to the text entry box. For want of anything more constructive to do, he began typing the line. For one thing he needed access to some documents from work that he said he would look at over the weekend.

Servitor typed away. It was repetitive and tedious. He grew to hate the little distracting dialog box, swearing viciously at it and hammering his mouse button down, when he finally managed to position the cursor over the button. He made steady progress, seeing little choice if he was to do any of the things – work-related and personal – for which he had planned to use his computer this weekend.

After about an hour and a half, a message popped up on screen. Reply from ‘Punitor’. Request denied. Punishment doubled.

He swore vigorously, but found himself curiously inhibited from using the words such as ‘bitch’ that came into his mind. In a curious, but totally genuine way, he really was being dominated by this distant woman, and every click of the button labelled ‘submit’ was in its way a genuine submission.

It took him until late that evening before he had completed the assignment. In an unexpected moment of pure joy, the message Task completed. Do you wish to view the report? appeared.

Servitor clicked Yes and noted with grim satisfaction that in the end he had written 612 lines as a result of his 100-line punishment. 500 lines set in all, and presumably 56 errors. And that probably didn’t count the 56 themselves, he realised, so he had actually typed something resembling that stupid line 668 times.

Wearily he switched off his computer – now wonderfully restored to his control – and went to bed.

Servitor did not update his blog for several days after that, fearing even to look into the comments tab.

However, on the Thursday, he was greeted with the dreaded sight of the Fond of Writing programme, informing him that a lady reader called Ayesha was displeased about this, as she enjoyed his material, and was requiring him to write out ”I must update my blog more frequently.” 50 times. 50 was not too bad, and the line was short, and furthermore Servitor discovered with joy that he could see the line as he typed it – no asterisks – and the irritating distraction dialog appeared much less frequently. Clearly, these were options set by the user. This time, it seemed, he was receiving nothing more than a gentle reminder, and he found himself actually enjoying the submission to this mysterious and rather wonderful Ayesha, as he typed them.

Not requiring any temporary suspensions, and making few mistakes, Servitor was finished in less than an hour. Mindful of the warning, though, he resumed blogging, although he was much more careful not to feature images of women in excessively restrictive clothing or in any other way obviously being exploited.

He received punitive impositions from time to time. Few if any were as bad as his first experience, however (most of which was his own fault, the original tally having been 100). One occasional reader of his blog liked to set him lines in Czech, whenever she came across a post that she thought could be improved. She did not set very many, but Servitor had to concentrate hard as he wrote them. She did not supply translations so he had no idea what lesson he was being taught, but accepted it with good grace.

On another occasion, a British lady set him 2000 lines – a horrific surprise that he knew would take him several days. However, it was obvious from her comment that she had intended only 200 and had made an error using the FoW gadget. Servitor had emailed her with great trepidation, gently pointing out the possible error. He had spent a few hours in agonised anticipation, fearing that for questioning her authority he would receive 4000 or 20,000 or any other number (as far as he could tell, Fond of Writing could accept any number of repetitions up to 99999 and more scarily still could impose any number of ‘extras’ up to this limit for each mistake.) But to his relief, she accepted the point with good grace, merely increasing the imposition to 300 to provide – as she so excitingly put it – a little tap on the bottom for the impertinence.

And so it went on, for about eight months. Until one day, Servitor’s dashboard opened with a new message.

Femlogger now updated to 2.0. Click here for details of features. Your Dreamlover kit (more information) has been dispatched and must be installed within 48 hours of this message being displayed, for continued computer access.

Dreamlover? Servitor thought. He clicked the link

Notes:

Fond of Writing is real. The features described here (asterisks, additional lines for mistakes and – most evil of all – that little distraction dialog) are all real. I understand it also sends reports to the task-setter by email, as here. However, the real programme does NOT (of course!) hijack your computer, render itself impossible to uninstall or in any other way behave like the malware described here.

I thought of making the compulsion element of the story stronger by letting the programme ransack Servitor’s hard drive and threaten to blackmail him or something if he didn’t finish the lines. But I’ve already made this sweet, sexy little programme sound like the worst virus ever, so I didn’t want to malign it further.

I am not sure whether Dreamlover is real or not. The website has been going some years, and contains multiple strong (and truly excellent) fantasy elements. For a long time, I thought it was a delightful fantasy, realised in wonderful detail, but the more recent posts about construction in China do actually start to make it sound like a real product.

Once again, though, I remind readers that in this blog everything is fantasy in essence. The programmes, people and weird sexual practices in my stories are fictional and in some cases impossible. That’s what fiction means: making stuff up.

My shorts

Some very short stories, some too short even properly to be considered short stories.  “Skimpy” stories, perhaps.

Testing his limits
Mistress Persephone let go of the mouse in frustration and picked up the phone.
“davey!” she shouted when it was answered on the second ring.  “I have hit your credit card limit again!  That is the third time this month!  Pay your bill right now, and from now on I want you to check your balance every three days.  If this card is refused for lack of funds just ONE more time, davey…!” and She slammed the phone down, and angrily switched off the computer.
At the third stroke…
Mistress Persephone strode out of her dungeon carrying a cane, and knocked gently on the door of the next room.  “Are you going to be ready to go soon?”
Her friend Lucy stuck a puzzled-looking head around the door.  “We’re not going to leave for an hour yet, surely?  It doesn’t start until eight.”
“But it’s nearly seven already” Mistress Persephone said.
“No it isn’t” Lucy replied.  “It’s not even six o’clock yet.”  She thought for a moment.  “You do know the clocks went back last night, don’t you?”
“I…” Mistress Persephone began, then stopped. “Oh.  No, I forgot.”  She said.  “So we’ve got plenty of time.”
“That’s right” Lucy replied cheerfully, closing the door again.
“And davey wasn’t an hour late…” Mistress Persephone mused to herself , looking down at the cane in Her hand.  She swished it back and forth a few times, thoughtfully.  “Oh well”, she said, to no one in particular.  “I don’t suppose it did him any long term harm.  I’ve started so I might as well finish.”
And, cane at the ready, She strode back into the dungeon.

 

Idiom

“Well he should choose his words with more care, then, shouldn’t he?” Mistress Persephone complained.  “What did he think I’d do, when he said he would crawl across broken glass for me?  Idiot.”
“I’ll get a mop” sighed Lucy.

Fiction: Well deserving of the cane

Elizabeth Aldrige, known today as Miss Wackham, put down the piece of paper, sighed and looked up at the ‘boy’ standing before her.
“Well, it’s not really good enough, is it?” she asked, mildly.
“No, Miss” the ‘boy’ replied, looking down in shame.  Like most of the ‘boys’ at Miss Flogswell’s Academy, he was in his late forties, greying and balding on top.  Also like most of the ‘boys’, he looked quite ridiculous in his school uniform.  But not as ridiculous as the ‘girls’, ‘Miss Wackham’ reflected.
“I hope you don’t think I’ll be going easy on you just because it is your first time” she said, sternly, wondering whether in fact she should do exactly that.  Did this idiot realise what he’d let himself in for?
“No, Miss Wackham” the ‘boy’ said, earnestly.
“As you know, we at the Flogswell Academy have strict standards for our pupils’ academic attainment, and enforce them on a weekly basis.  Enforce them with corporal discipline, boy. Cor-por-al discipline.”
“Yes, Miss Wackham” he replied, breathing rather harder and going red.  Elizabeth caught sight of his shorts, bulging right at her eye level and hurriedly looked back down at the report.  It was all so complicated, she reflected. She much preferred her regular job in her dungeon.  She would talk to the ‘slaves’ beforehand, find their limits, push them occasionally until stopped by a warning safeword and then let them beg to come.  Here, the rule was that the school fantasy was maintained at all times: no safewords, no out-of-character behaviour…and strict school rules about appropriate punishment.
Which, if followed to the letter, would probably constitute criminal assault in this case, she thought.
“It’s really very simple” she said, tiredly.  “Rote learning, boy, that’s our system.”
“Yes, Miss Wackham” he said.
“The teacher tells you what to learn, you learn it, you repeat it in the test.  Is that too complicated for you?”
“I…I found some of the lessons very hard, Miss Wackham”, the ‘boy’ replied, sweating copiously and quite unpleasantly through his shirt.  “I didn’t know it would be this difficult.”
“Difficult!” Elizabeth snorted.  “Let’s go through and you can tell me how difficult it all was.  History!  You got a D-.  Well that’s just dates and things. How difficult is that?  The comment says that you were told to learn the dates of sixteen of the Kings and Queens of England and you knew almost none of them.  Didn’t you bother to revise?”
“I got the right years, Miss Wackham”, the unhappy ‘boy’ replied.  “I didn’t realise they wanted the month and day, too.”
“Pathetic” snorted Miss Wackham.  “And what about this – maths.  D! Slow on your times tables!  Which ones?”
“The fourteen thousand, three hundred and fourteen times table, Miss Wackham.  And the nine elevenths times table.”
Miss Wackham peered at him over her glasses.  “Not very good at sums then, boy?”
“No, Miss” he replied.
Thinking of sums, she briefly reflected on the sums she needed to accumulate in order to retire from all this.  She’d hoped to have given it all up by now, and moved to that long dreamed-of little cottage in Bournemouth.  Maybe open a pet supplies shop.  She’d been saving away her hard-won ‘tribute’ for a few years, and had quite a little nest egg put aside.  Until the financial crisis had come along, swept up the nest , eggs and all, and smashed everything to little pieces. So here she was – still whacking the bottoms of aging perverts for a living, and likely to be doing so for quite a few years to come.
“What about this, then – modern languages?  E-.  Dreadful! Was that with Madame Sarka?  She says here you didn’t learn any of the poetry she set.  Not a single line without a mistake in it!”
“Yes Miss” he said, seeming close to tears.  “But I don’t speak any Czech.”
“But you don’t have to know any Czech!” she replied, exasperated.  “Madame Sarka set you some poetry to learn, and you learn it.  You learn it in Czech, you write it down in Czech in the test.  That’s what rote learning’s all about – we don’t care if you understand it or not!”
The ‘boy’ just hung his head in shame.
“Now by comparison, biology isn’t too bad” Miss Wackham said, judiciously. “ B-.  But then Miss Hardpalm has given you a black mark for” – she squinted at the report – “Refusal to take part in scientific experiments with the rest of the class.  What scientific experiments?”
“She was demonstrating the location of the body’s principal pain receptors, Miss”, he replied with a shudder.
“You do know disruptive behaviour in class merits an automatic use of the cane?” Miss Wackham inquired.  He hung his head still further.
“And this last one…home economics.  F.  F!  How could you get an F in home economics?  That’s just cookery, isn’t it?”
“Went to the wrong classroom, Miss” he muttered.  “One of the ‘girls’ told me it was in classroom 7.  Then when I finally got to the right classroom, I – ”
“…got angry and emptied the lasagne she’d been making all over her head.” read Miss Wackham, shaking her head over the report. 
“She had to go to matron to be cleaned up, Miss.”
Knowing the ‘girl’ in question, Miss Wackham privately thought that both the treatment in the cookery class, and matron’s likely cleansing techniques were probably the least that ‘she’ deserved.  Still, couldn’t have unruly behaviour.  Of course, ‘hazing’ new arrivals by getting them in trouble was a tradition.  Give them a taste of the cane.  The trouble was, this new arrival had already been due for a five-course banquet of the cane before being dropped in it so comprehensively by his cross-dressing classmate.
“So you spent the rest of the lesson in the corner, and got an F for home economics and a black mark – a second black mark – for disruptive behaviour.”
“And I had to clean up the mess over lunch break, Miss” the ‘boy’ added.  “Miss Birch said I could eat the uncooked lasagne for my lunch.”  He blenched slightly at the memory.
“Well.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a daily report like this.” she said, shaking her head sadly.  “The B- in Biology only merits the strap, but all the other grades mean the cane.  And each count of disruptive behaviour is twelve strokes.  Altogether, it’ll be…let me see.  Well, sixteen strokes with the strap, obviously.  But then that’ll be – ” she calculated silently for an instant – “ =fifty-eight strokes with the cane.”
“Oh Christ, please no – “ he burst out.
“Plus four for swearing takes us to sixty-two” she said quietly.
“Oh come on – for Chr- , I mean for mercy’s sake.  It’s only a game.”  Real tears were forming in his eyes.
“It most certainly is not a game.” She replied, primly.  Miss ‘Flogswell’ was quite clear that there would be no negotiations or slipping out of character where the subject of discipline was concerned.  This was what marked the establishment out, unlike those jolly japes schools in the North of England, where everyone was cheeking teacher all the time and laughing about jolly good whackings.  This was hard-core.  Very hard core.
Still…she thought about sixty-two strokes.  She knew very well what the cane could do, and to do it sixty-two times on the same area of the body was going to cause some serious damage.
“Oh please” he sobbed, the tears coming fast and furiously now.  “It’s my very first time.  Couldn’t you just go a little bit easy for my very first time?  I’ve got to go to work on Monday morning, you know?”
“Well…” Miss Wackham said, slowly, thinking hard.  She didn’t really want to flog this new client off the school books.  Maybe she could pretend to be using a triple-hard cane or something and only give him twenty… ?
“I’ve got to get in extra early on Monday, actually, while Tokyo is still open.” he added hurriedly, sensing some possible movement.
“Really?” Miss Wackham replied with interest.  “What job do you do?”
“I’m in finance” the ‘boy’ replied.  “Actually” – looking a little proud – “I manage a hedge fund.”
“Really.” Miss Wackham said again, grimly.  She thought of her little nest egg.  And of the cottage in Bournemouth.  Her hand tightened on the handle of the cane.
“Well, I’m sorry, boy, but I can tolerate no exceptions to the rules.  Sixty-two with the cane.  On the bare, I think.  Then I’ll finish you off with sixteen with the strap.  Shorts down and bend over that chair!”
“But I – ”
“NOW boy!”
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