whimpering in adoration – Page 3 – Contemplating the divine

Stunted little runt

OK, so the story is that the guy had won
a chance to meet me – it was a charity thing I did, yeah? Raised a lot of money. For, maybe, stray cats
or something? Or dogs, I don’t
remember. Maybe homeless people, come to think of it.

Anyway, I met the guy backstage at a convention like this one and… let’s just say he was the typical loser fanboy? I mean, no offence to anyone here but you know the type, right? Lanky hair, black t-shirt, scuzzy
trainers. He started out by saying he’d been hoping I’d be wearing the Wonder Woman outfit,
which was kind of a bad sign from the beginning, you know?

And then he said ‘can you do a fight
move’? And I was, like, no way: that’s
only on-set in carefully controlled conditions, with professional
stunt-men. But he started ducking and
dancing about saying ‘I know stuntwork – fight me’ and… well, suddenly I saw he
had this massive – actually not so massive but very prominent – bulge in his pants, you know? The guy had a boner. And I just reacted instinctively and I spun
and kicked hard at the side of his head.

OK, he’d said he knew stunt work,
right? He’d said that. When you’re taking a hit to the
head, you lean with it. Everyone knows that. Day one at stunt school – lean with the blow. But he leaned
into it. Got the full force of the kick
right to the side of the head – blam!
I was a physical fitness instructor in the Israeli army, yeah? I’ve got strong legs.

So… he’d wanted a fight move, I was doing a fight move. That spin and kick – it’s a two
stage move. A kick to the head, the
stunt guy falls back and sideways, I finish the spin, shift the weight from one
foot to the other and do the second kick which just misses his chin but with
the right camera angle, the audience can’t see that. It’s all one motion – has to be, or I’d fall over. I need the second kick to balance up. It’s just reflex with me now, anyway.

So I came around and I guess I could somehow sense he wasn’t in the right place. Totally not in the right place. He was
reeling, staggering, whatever,and he was way too close. But I had no time to think and the second kick
went right in, and it was still on the upstroke, probably just at its most powerful moment,
unfortunately, right up between his legs.
The force actually carried him off the ground… and he was kind of overweight, so there was a lot of power going in there.

Like I said, I’ve
got strong legs.

And that was it… my people called an ambulance
immediately, obviously. He was quite
lucky actually – he had a minor fracture to the skull from the first kick, but
no permanent cranial or brain damage. That would have been really bad. The second kick… yeah, well, that didn’t work
out so well for him.

I’m actually sorry for the guy, yeah? I really am. I don’t mean I said sorry for what I did – that’s actually a different word in
Hebrew, the difference is clearer. Maybe I should say I don’t ‘apologise’? Because everything was the guy’s own
fault, right? But he had a pretty sad life to
begin with and now there’s… less in it.
So I feel kind of sorry about that. Although I don’t think he was ever going to have much of a sex life
anyway, if you know what I mean.

And we raised a lot of money for the stray cats. I don’t know how much, but I heard it was a
lot. Or for the homeless people – whatever.

Downton on your knees

Sorry about that. I find it hard to resist a pun, no matter how bad. If only there were someone who could mete out painful consequences for such lapses of judgement on my part… whom I could pay to judge me, find fault and punish me. But obviously no such profession exists, so I suppose I’ll just carry on.

Anyway, Downton day today! I won’t say where I got the photos. You might recognise the sytyle, I’ve used similar before. The photographer has a lot more on his web site and I’m sure you can find it but probably best not to jump there straight from this site as I doubt he would appreciate this particular use of his images. I wouldn’t want to have to take this post down … ton.

P.S. Nothing at all to do with Downton but Oh My Goddess look at this!

Painful conversations

Lots of men don’t realise that ‘mere’ words can cause pain. There are words that I have spoken on occasion that have led to quite astonishing amounts of pain, sometimes almost immediately.

See: this is just the kind of thing I’m talking about. One minute you think you’re having a pleasant conversation, and…, I dunno, maybe there was something that upset her or something, but when you wake up you’re naked and gagged, upside down in a canvas sack bumping along a country road to goodness knows where… I guess it’s a Mars/Venus thing.

When they next see Trevor, I expect they can ask him how the special effects wizards manage to make the torture and murder look so realistic.

Thank goodness all that’s behind me.

Poor thing. I expect he has no idea how much pain she’s been going through, the heartless bastard.

Yeah ‘trodden’. It is a ridiculous language, actually. Perhaps Gal could give me a few Hebrew lessons. I’m sure I’d be a very conscientious student.

A pretty face may be enough to catch a man, but it takes character and good nature to hold him.

The title quote, of course, is from Sir Thomas More’s Utopia. But you knew that, right? You’re an educated, sophisticated man of the world, who knows that the capital of Gabon is Libreville, can calculate complex sums quickly and accurately and understands the main principles of the annealing process in glass manufacture. You just pretend to be an ignorant schoolboy who doesn’t even know that the capital of Australia is Sydney.*

Apparently, I have ‘kick-me testicles’. I never even knew that was a thing, but there you go.

Actually, I get quite a lot of normal healthy sex in my current relationship – maybe a bit rough, but really just your basic penetrative sex, fellatio… that kind of thing. Several of Her favourite boyfriends are bisexual, so I get a lot of action. I have to say, I prefer perversion, on balance.

And ‘cum-bucket’ isn’t even a word, so in a sense the question of spelling doesn’t even arise.

Her bedroom wall is covered with hunting trophies.

It is, right? I mean, better than nothing. You’re enjoying yourself, yeah? I’m afraid this is the last caption today, so you’d better finish now.. that’s right. Up and down, up and down. Tugtugtug? A bit more – there! Excellent. And… just get the last out, there… great. See you on Friday!

* Yes, I know. It’s a joke. If you don’t get it, maybe it’s my fault for being too obscure. Or if you’re a humiliation slut**, maybe it’s your fault for being such a moron, hmm? Too stupid to actually wank and think at the same time, are we? Gosh… a small cock and a tiny intellect – didn’t exactly win the first prize in life, did you? Try one of those blogs featured on Tiresome Tropes, instead, lamebrain, maybe it’s more your level.

** If you’re not a humiliation slut, I don’t recommend reading the rest of the comment above.

Contemplating the Devine

Impressively, one of the top search terms from visitors to this blog is a spelling mistake. So this is a special post to celebrate the tens of thousands of pageviews by ‘readers’ who cannot spell the word ‘divine’.

Welcome, guys (I think we can safely assume the gender balance of this particular sample swings heavily male). Just thought I should give you a shout out…you’ve been slowly typing the wrong word into Google for so many years now. Yay! Morons.

I’m aware of course that many of my ‘readers’ may not be native English speakers, so calling these people morons is unnecessarily insulting and might not be entirely fair. But – DUH! – this is a blog for males who enjoy being unnecesarily insulted and treated unfairly – remember? Morons.

Hey, guys, you know you should try booking a schoolboy session with one of those severe English schoolteacher dommes some time? You’d be really good at it. Take some cold cream for the journey home.

On with the devine imiges…

Oooh! ‘Not as bad as it just conceivably might have been’? Wow, that’s the nicest thing any woman’s ever said to me after sex. Usually, they just say something along the lines of “Sorry – would you mind moving a bit further down the carriage?”. which I find very hurtful.

Males don’t really need lobotomies, truth be told. Still, if it makes the little woman happy, you might as well let her have her way, hmm?

In the end, she just went for a more direct approach.

Yum.

Whimper.

Demeaningful statements

Not much of a twist in the storyline in that caption I’ll admit, but sometimes the expression is just, perfectly right.

And they say romance is dead.

Watch out for the bottom-pinchers.

If they manage to catch him and chain him up again, I expect they’ll work out their anger together.

Don’t be afraid to give in to your feelings, Diana. Do not try to fight who you are.

Unmancipation

When I first started dating my SO, I’d often finish before She had a chance to come, but now things are more under control She typically has oh… two, three…maybe even four hundred orgasms before that happens.

It’s always embarassing when men have to go to what’s basically a girls’ night out, isn’t it? You kind of stand around awkwardly, watching the wives roaring with laughter while you make polite converation about ironing tips and suchlike. Women are just better at social events… it’s because they’ve got more empathy.

Life will be a lot simpler. You can do as she says or starve.

Big decision. Don’t pressure her, OK?

I’m down on my hands and knees. Point me to the broken glass.

Lip service

A good point.

I think she did, but I wasn’t listening. Matter of fact, that’s one of the reasons I’m here.

This, I don’t need.

I hope she won’t be long. Or too thick.

I’ve heard Gal isn’t keen in shaking hands with her many male fans. I can’t imagine why not.

Sing when you’re losing

Boys can do anything girls can do. Just not as well, and usually only after some ‘encouragement’.

If it’s any consolation, the staff at the Re-education camp enjoy scenarios involving punishment, too. Especially with male doms. So there’s that.

It’s like smoking – easier never to start.

Hope that put your mind at rest.

Like I said: not as well and after some encouragement.

Makes your feet and fingers glow

No, not that. (Warning: SFW)

This.

I don’t bother too much about fashion myself. Life’s easier when all you wear is a steel collar. I’m never out of style because I’m never allowed out.

Practice makes perfect. Next!

Many brides encounter disappointment on their wedding nights. She just needs to make the best of it and move on, I reckon.

Married couples should try to share one another’s interests. It’s about making an effort: an act of the will. Sure, he’s not so interested in cock, but maybe he could just bend from time to time, hmm? Is it so hard?

I went to see Justice League. I’ve got to say, I have mixed feelings about it. Maybe… oh I don’t know… 20% of the movie is really great but the other 80% was just meh for me. There was some really shoddy camerawork too – like on several occasions, you could clearly see actors in shot, speaking lines and stuff like that, and blocking the view of Gal? That’s just unprofessional.