pretty in pink – Page 3 – Contemplating the divine

Domestic tyranny…

… domestic bliss.

They say old age can be like a second childhood.

My SO and I tried something like that but it turned out my boss was gay! Quite an embarassing situation, as you can imagine, but he saw the funny side and actually since then, our working relationship has been closer than ever.

We are.

OK. But always with dignity, yeah?

I think’darling’ must have misread the signals. I don’t have that problem any more, because we only ever go out with my genitals wired up to the electrics. Of course, I don’t get heavy shocks in public but a few little reminders – or an instruction to go off to find a bathroom cubicle for a good zapping – keep me nicely in line. In fact, she’s considering learning morse code.

Lip service

There are lots of things submissives know about that ‘ordinary people’ don’t. It’s an odd thought, but most people have never been peed on, for instance (by an adult, anyway).

Oh, well if David wants me serving canapes then of course we’d better go! Sigh. David this, David that… honestly, one day I’m really going to have to set some boundaries in this relationship. But not today. What do you think? I favour the one on the left…

She said stare at the ground, moron.

Erm… yeah, the ironing. About that…

Brain damage play can be a lot of fun, but you need to make sure you pick short and simple words to use as safewords.

Fail better

I do that. I’m really good at failing, actually.

A bit of a shame to call in sick – the girls at work recognised you and have something special planned, whenever you’re next in the office.

Marriage is always a learning experience. She’s just determined to make the learning experience a bit more structured, that’s all.

I’ve always tried to use humour to defuse tense situations. On my very first… time with a woman, if you know what I mean, I was very nervous indeed. Fortunately she burst out laughing as soon as I’d taken my clothes off, and she was still giggling when her taxi arrived ten minutes later. I’ve always been able to make women laugh: it’s a gift.

I suppose that must mean she has a basement too – they’re all the same, the houses on that row. I wonder what she keeps down there?

Funnily enough, it turns out Prop 677 wasn’t even necessary. Enough Californians worship Anne as a goddess for her to qualify for the religious exemption, so she didn’t have to pay taxes anyway. Still: it was a nice gesture.

And I didn’t stand a chance

… now listen, honey.

Well, I don’t like him either, so I suppose we’re even.

She’s right, you know. It’s her boyfriends who are insecure in their masculinity, needing to demonstrate it by fucking her brains out all night. And you’re not afraid to cry, either.

I have some complicated sexual preferences, but my SO has sexual preferences too and they’re not entirely compatible, so I never get to express them.

Thick garden gloves? Oooh.. I count that as a score.

I understand he was trying desperately to get a role in Ocean’s 8. but they wanted younger actors with firmer buttocks.

What is femininism anyway?

Philomena Cunk has the answer. Men are just like women really, they’ve got their own little personalities.

Not femdom – I just adore Diane Morgan.

This that follows is femdom, obviously.

A romantic moment. Treasure it.

Hmmm. Now if only I could unlock this collar, to get the word out to the other men… Oh well.

She sounds even Mina than the lovely ladies in the picture.

Nothing to be embarrassed about. Unless you enjoy that sort of thing.

Or why the world’s hair is such a weird colour.

Femalevolence

Oh, just go with it. You enjoy sexy abbatoir play, she enjoys bacon sandwiches. You’re very compatible.

Don’t worry. She respects the hard limits imposed by the Geneva Convention. No hollow-nosed bullets, just a good clean round through the forehead if you get the password wrong.

Poor thing. She obviously misses him terribly.

Yes, I could use a muscle relaxant. I’m feeling strangely tense about this – which is silly, because there’s really nothing that can go wrong with a tonsils operation.

Love that biker chic. He’s a switch – prefers to top, but confident enough to play the strong and silent sub on the bottom, you know? Goes by the name of Master Marcus when he’s domming. He’s also bisexual, or he soon will be, anyway.

Pink? Pink? Well, what’s wrong with pink?

Seems like you got a pink kink in your think!

Thank goodness I’m not going to be the only one there in pink, anyway.

I only went for the make-up tips anyway.

Ah – the rolling pin! Just in that sweet spot between loving domestic discipline and cranial fracture.

Time to come out and play!

Nor are there many rhymes for “penectomy”. I mean, you can just about work something in with “respect for me” but it’s a bit contrived, don’t you think? And we don’t like to have excessively contrived notions here on Contemplating the Divine, as you probably know.

People and things

These things, for example.

Just for once, the linked music video is related.

Loosely, anyway.

A stage magician tried to hypnotise me once, but he failed completely. I am one of those very rare people who just have too much willpower, he told me! I tried to go back again the next night, to see if he wanted another go, but my wife said I had to stay at home and do chores, so that was that.

Yeah. Why not?

Yes Ma’am.

Yes Ma’am. Again.

Actually, I’m not that worried. I was told once by a girl I trust that my penis is microscopic. No way any sniper’s hitting that!

Managed care

Well, I hope she finds something to amuse herself with while you’re busy with all that.

You get to wear a nightie just like hers, too.

And she has a lot more than ten commandments.

I find I do some of my best thinking over a trestle. I think about stuff a lot when I’m there.

Wow. I think that’s the niceest compliment any girl has ever paid me.

The wrongs of man

are self-evident but can be sorted out by the smack of firm government in the right hands.

She sounds like she knows what she’s doing.

Another day, another dollar. Well… not a whole dollar, obviously. That’s just a saying. In fact, they only spend a penny each time.

Huh! I’d like to see him do better.

Maybe try another topic of conversation? I mean – you got her attention. That’s a good start.

See, there he is while she’s telling him how upset she was about his thoughtless gift and all he can think about is how his lungs are burning. That’s what men are like. It’s a good thing there’s femdom to help set us right, that’s all I can say.