OWK – Page 10 – Contemplating the divine

A snivelling little rat-faced git

That’s me! This phrase is what Google suggests when you start with ‘Snivelling little’. I was expecting ‘worm’, but then maybe the kinds of videos we watch (you and me, you know) are a bit of a minority taste…

There are also the Snivelling Shits, a punk band from the ’70s and their single ‘I can’t come’. I won’t include the usual YouTube link, because the song is terrible.

Heh – there’s some weird stuff on the Internet, isn’t there? Right then, on we go with the usual fare of mildly pornographic pictures of ladies looking stern, on which I’ve put down some of my sex fantasies. Enjoy.

OWK cricket completely lost on many readers

And nor do most of you, because according to the stats, you’re mostly Americans. It’s a bit like saying “home run”…or whatever it is you say. You know – when there’s a home run.

Actually, these days you can just book over the Internet. Much easier.

The future belongs to Tracy…and so, in time, will Roger.

Oh…wouldn’t that be just awful?

I wish I’d been there when my wife lost her virginity. It was on our wedding night, but she’d sent me out for more champagne.

Well heeled

They are, and so am I when they let me get close.

Still, he got his money’s worth.

Goodness. This looks as if it’s about to get very adventurous. Positively kinky.

I can only ‘take’ a few strokes, I’m ashamed to say. Fortunately what she can ‘give’ is what actually matters.

Hey – you can be her girlfriend, though, right? All the fun and none of that complicated sex stuff?

There. I told you it would be all right.

What’s my fetish?

I have a wide range of sexual interests, as regular readers of this blog will know only too well. But like many bloggers in the femdom community, I am obsessed with precise definitions of terms, so I spend ages worrying about whether what I like is “really” a fetish, and discussing that obsessively in lengthy blog posts.

So – I found an online dictionary that said that something is a fetish for you, if you cannot become aroused, or achieve sexual release without it.

And that’s all I needed. I have a “Doing all my chores to her satisfaction, and not being too irritating” fetish. There’s probably a latin name for it.

Well I can’t tell you what it means. I’m not even allowed to think – let alone write – that word in English. Here, for goodness sake.

Don’t worry, you’ll find quite quickly that the pain in your knees will make you forget all about the taste in your mouth.

How embarrassing for her. I wonder what she’ll do?

It’s great when someone really enjoys their work.

Yes. Yes, that would be perfect.

Out with the old, in with the new

New year, new…well, more…of the same sort of really…captioned images of female domination!

Obviously.

Sigh. Back to it.

My Significant Other reckons some people over-complicate chastity play. You lock someone up – he’s in chastity. Job done, and you can get on with your life.

Actually, I think one of them has a Girl Guides first aid qualification.

The problem being, of course, that Madame Sarka likes the cooked meat arranged in a gentle curve. And she’s not as lenient.

Independent thought is over-rated. Just take the pill.

It’s best not to worry too much about what people think of you, I find.

I know when I’ve been beaten

and sometimes the neighbours do, too.

Actually, that whip she gave him is pretty take-charge too. But it doesn’t hurt to make sure. Well..I mean, it does hurt. Obviously.

A little light spanking?

Yeah, come on. She’s right. Sometimes you just have to trust people. What’s the worst that can happen? Hmm? Oh – well apart from that, then.

Her very first maid-boy! Bless.

Business. It’s all about relationships. This particular relationship is female-led and abusive. Welcome to the team. Worm.

I will feel a glow just thinking of you…

…and the way it felt, last night. Thank you, Ma’am.

You might want to refer back to my series: Seven secrets of a happy marriage. Urgently.

Men, eh? Only interested in one thing, and – excuse me? Down here? There’s a caption too, and I.. Hello? Oh never mind, I know when there’s something more interesting to look at.

I’m not one of those men who won’t cry in front of women. Just the opposite, actually.

Woah! Might be time for a safeword, there.

If you have any comments on this captioned image, I’ll be in the homeless refuge round the corner, OK?

I have to praise Her

…like I should…

Although to be fair, it takes him even longer. Months, usually.

Oh don’t worry – it’s just a caption, she’s not really that unfeeling. Anyway, she got another one, so it all ended up well.

Marriage – it takes some getting used to. Just deciding to eat whenever you feel like it, thinking only of yourself, entering or leaving a room without permission, owning things – you just have to gradually accept that you don’t do that any more.

One femdom swallow does not a summer...oh Im not going there

Refusng to swallow could turn out to be quite hazardous to your health, though.

Mmmmpphrrrnnnghhhh.

Awe and shock

They operate a performance management system of penalties and rewards. If you perform badly, you’re punished severely. If you perform well, you’re punished a bit less severely. Probably.

Actually, I have a chapter about dealing with this sort of rejection in my new self-help book, called She’s just not that into you – because you’re a sad little weirdo with a tiny cock.

All sorts of ways that conversation could go. “What key?” would be a bad thing to hear, for instance.

Enjoy.

It’s a good thing someone’s got willpower, anyway.

Unconditionally surrendered

The human furniture was easier to dispose of.

She did promise you a night to remember.

You’ll earn those extra dollars.

How disgraceful another catratrix caption

I went out once a girl once who had a castration fetish. We haven’t seen each other for years, but there’s a part of me that will always be hers.

(Thank you. Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Hey – how many castratrices does it take to change a lightbulb…)

Good thing you’re not going anywhere today. Plenty of time to talk about it.

Incidentally, if you like this blog (and I have to tell you: you’re really wasting your time here if you don’t), you’ll almost certainly like this one as well. He doesn’t put the captions in the pictures, but the basic idea of encapsulating a scene in a few pithy (?) sentences is much the same, and he has some really lovely, sexy, funny ones: Improbable fun